It had been a normal day. It had been a pleasant afternoon; Niki looking over another manuscript, Loki and Ember working on her homework, the cat-Loki napping on Niki's lap, dog-Mjolnir running around the backyard.
Then the Avengers came knocking.
Apparently there were a few incidents in the city that were reminiscent of Loki's previous crimes so the team came rushing to make sure Niki and Ember were safe. They still didn't trust the god of mischief in their friend's house. After much finger-pointing and yelling, Loki lost it and there was a massive puff of green smoke and then….
Niki stared, mouth hanging open at the 7 toddlers on her living room floor.
What just happened?
The miniature Avengers sat there for a moment before each and every one of them broke out bawling.
"Oh my gosh," Ember yelled, emerging from her room where she was hiding. "What's with the smoke…WHAT ARE THOSE!?"
Niki picked up the closest Avenger who happened to be Hawkeye and bounced him on her hip trying to quiet at least one wailing child.
"Apparently they are mini Avengers. Make them stop crying. Hurry up, before I lose it myself."
Ember rushed forward as mini Bruce started to turn a little green and tried to calm him by humming and rubbing his back. Tiny Thor had crawled over to his little brother and the two were holding each other and Niki was sure little Loki's wails were breaking the sound barrier. Steve hadn't been crying at first but after looking around at his friends and seeing them sobbing, his eyes started to tear up as well and was on his way to a full on wail before he caught sight of Bruce shaking in Embers arms. He toddled over and held onto Em's leg while trying to get Bruce's attention.
"It's okay Brucie," he pleaded. "You don't need to get mad."
The only two not crying were Natasha and Tony who had become fascinated with poor cat-Loki. Yowling, the cat tried to escape but Tasha had a tight grip on his body and wasn't letting go any time soon. Tony spotted Mjolnir who was just sitting there, head cocked to the side in confusion at the little humans. Giggling, the toddler ran over and managed to jump on Mjolnir's back before the dog took off, running around the room with the three-year old hanging on tight.
"Come on Clint, you're okay. Thor, Loki, calm down. Tasha, don't kill the cat. EMBER! Grab Tony before he hurts himself!"
Niki was desperately trying to remain calm for the kid's sake, if not for the sake of her own sanity. When had her life become this hectic? Setting Clint down next to Tasha, Niki ran to Embers room where her sister still had a few dolls and toys from her childhood stashed and grabbed them. Running back, she took Bruce from Ember so Em could run after Tony and the dog. Gathering Thor and Loki with Bruce on her lap and Steve trailing behind, Niki spread out the toys in front of the little boys.
"Here we go."
She handed a large teddy bear to Loki who calmed down a little bit before grabbing the bear and hugging it till Niki thought its head would pop off. Steve reached for the plastic horse but Thor beat him to it and dubbed the horse Sleipnir, or more accurately, Sipner, and started telling stories about Odin's actual horse.
"Thor, Steve wanted that one," Niki scolded but little Cap tugged at her sleeve.
"No it's fine, I'll play with something else," he said.
Niki smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "Thanks for being a good sport kiddo. Here." She handed him a tin of plastic dinosaurs. "I bet you and Brucie could have lots of fun with these."
Smiling, Bruce leaned forward on her lap and he and Steve started a small colony of friendly dinosaurs before Tony, who Ember had finally rescued, came over and commandeered the T-Rex, ruining the peace of the small dino community.
Ember plopped down next to Clint and Tasha who had relaxed her grip a little and the two were petting the cat.
"Hey you two, how's the cat?"
Cat-Loki purred loudly until Clint pulled his tail. The terrified cat yowled and darted off to go hide under Embers bed. Staring after cat-Loki, Clint's lip started to tremble and was dangerously close to crying again.
"Hey! Don't pull the cat's tail! Come on Clint, you know better than that," Ember said sternly. Tasha punched his arm for scaring off the cat and the first few tears started to escape. Em scooped up the tiny archer before it could get loud again.
"It's okay, just don't do it again. Hey, shhhhh, it's alright. Tasha! We do not hit!"
The mini assassin glared and stuck her tongue out at Ember.
"Tasha, corner, now," Niki said, not looking up from the boys playing dinosaurs in her lap.
The little girl looked at her wide-eyed before marching off to the corner of the room and sitting there, glaring at the world.
Slowly extricating herself from the group of boys, Niki walked over to Ember and crouched down.
"I'm gonna go make a call to Fury to let him know what happened here. Hopefully he sends at least diapers and some toddler stuff. Can you watch the kids for a bit?"
"Yeah sure, no problem. Actually," Ember said looking over at Tony who was doing a potty dance while attacking Steve's triceratops. "Could you take him pee first?"
Niki ran over and scooped up Tony before a puddle appeared on the floor, rushing to the bathroom. Setting him down, she helped him onto the potty and sighed in relief that they didn't need a change of clothes right away.
"Buddy, if you have to pee, don't wait, get to the bathroom okay?"
Tony nodded before sliding off and hiking his pants back up. Returning him to the group after washing their hands, Niki finally made her phone call.
"Nick, we have an interesting situation here. No, nobody's hurt. Yes they're all here. No, Loki didn't do any of the things you people are accusing him of. He was here with me while Ember was at school. That's not the problem. Nick, you're Avengers were so hell-bent on blaming Loki that he lost it and now they're all toddlers. Don't yell at me! I didn't do it! Anyway, I need diapers, toys, and maybe backup. Ember's watching them right now. Yes, they're house-trained. Have you ever dealt with children before?! Good grief! I also need someone to explain to my work why I won't be there until this is all fixed. I'm sure you're people can do that. Thanks. I'll also need money cuz I obviously won't have any coming in from work. Awsome, send Coulson with the stuff please. I'm sure he knows how to handle kids."
Grumbling about one-eyed spies and "not getting anywhere near my kids with a Taser," she returned to the group to see that Clint and Thor were building a pillow fort with Loki safely inside. Seeing everything was sane for now, Niki walked over to the spy in time-out and slid down the wall to sit next to her.
"Do you know what you did wrong, Natasha," Niki asked after a short silence between the two.
After a pause, the little girl nodded, her red curls bouncing around her face.
"Can you tell me?"
"Don't hit Clint."
"Don't hit anyone. But that's not all."
Tasha wiped her nose with her sleeve and looked up at her in confusion.
"We don't make faces at our elders. You respect and listen to them, not spit your tongue out at them. Got it?"
She nodded.
"Good. Now, I think Loki look's a little scared in that dark fort by himself. Why don't you go help him out?"
Tasha nodded and dove into the fort, giggling. Niki stood with a sigh. She was really too young to be a parent to seven children, even if they were the Avengers. Especially if they were the Avengers.
Ember was helping put the finishing touches on the pillow fort and was providing them with a flashlight from the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She ran over and opened it to find Agent Coulson standing there with an arm-load of diaper bags and bags from Toys-R-Us.
"I believe your sister called," he said with a very Coulson-like smile.
"Oh thank heavens; back up," Ember said before pulling him inside.
Agent Phil Coulson had seen a lot in his time at S.H.I.E.L.D. He had seen super villains and he'd seen super heroes. He'd 'died' and come back. He'd seen myth become fact. And none of that would have ever prepared him to see all six Avengers and the reforming villain all turned into children between the ages of 2 and 4.
"It's my turn to play in the fort," Clint was yelling. Natasha and Loki had been in there ever since Thor and Clint constructed the thing and the two boys had yet to have a turn with their handy work.
Tasha grinned at Clint. "Too bad, it's ours now!"
Loki giggled and smacked his hands over his mouth to hide his grin.
"Brother, that's not fair," Thor whined.
"Boys, Tasha, there's room for all of you in there," Niki scolded.
"Nuh uh," Clint yelled stamping his foot. "They took all the toys!"
"Tasha! Loki! You know you need to share with everyone!"
"Welcome to Purgatory, Agent," Ember said from the door still holding Coulson's arm.
He cleared his throat. "I have no idea what you mean."
Walking over, he scooped up Tasha as Niki grabbed Loki and Ember evacuated the toys from the fort.
"Alright kids," Niki said balancing Loki on one hip and holding Bruce's hand. "This is Phil. You need to listen to him just like you listen to me and Ember, okay?"
Each kid nodded or verbalized their agreement. Steve ran right over to Phil and looked up at him with a big grin.
"Hi Mr. Phil. I'm Steve." The four-year old held out his hand to the much taller agent.
"Nice to meet you Steve," Phil said, crouching down to meet the boy at eye level. "What are you kids playing?"
"We were playing dinosaurs till Nat came and stole all the toys," Tony said.
Phil looked around to find the small agent but saw that Ember was already scolding the little girl so he turned his attention back to the boys. "Well you can play with them again now."
"No," said Clint from inside the fort. "Boring."
"Well what do you want to play then?"
"Pirates," yelled Tony.
"Cowboys and Indians," Steve said calmly.
"Frost Giant Battle," Thor yelled enthusiastically.
Phil winced. "No frost giants Thor. How about we go outside and play Cowboys and Indians."
Taking Clint and Tony by the hand with Steve and Thor trailing behind, Phil led the little boys outside with Mjolnir in tow.
Niki sighed in relief at the decrease in volume in the house. She settled in a chair with Loki and Bruce. "What should we do boys?"
"Read to us," Bruce asked timidly.
"Of course! Go pick out a book."
Bruce grinned and ran over to the massive book shelf while Niki bounced Loki on her knee. The godling giggled and held onto her leg as he bounced and Niki herself broke into a smile herself. Maybe this wasn't so bad.
Running back, Bruce held up an illustrated copy of The Hobbit. "Read this one!"
"Oh wow, I can't read you the whole thing! At least not in one sitting," she said after the small scientists face fell. "We can start it though. What do you think?" Niki bounced her leg again to get Loki's attention. He had already started grabbing at the book to look at the colorful artwork on the cover.
Niki laughed and managed to get Bruce up on her other leg. He curled up into her side while the two-year old Loki leaned forward to open the book in his excitement.
There is nothing wrong with this. This is perfectly normal.
Ember kept chanting this to herself as she tried to wrestle the baby-fied Natasha away from the book shelf she was climbing on.
"Out of all you kids," Ember grunted as she pried Tasha's surprisingly strong hands off the fourth shelf of the book case. "I would have thought Loki would be the difficult one, not you…ACK!"
She and the tiny S.H.I.E.L.D. agent fell back as Ember gave one last tug. Ember groaned, "We are never doing that again. Got it? Now let's find something that you can do that won't end in the destruction of my sister's house."
Picking up the wriggling girl around the waist and carrying her under one arm, Ember took her into the kitchen and sat her down at the table. She quickly grabbed paper and crayons from a drawer and tried to interest Natasha in coloring.
"How 'bout crayons kiddo? That sound like fun?"
"I'm not a baby," Tasha said grouchily but did take the proffered red crayon and began drawing.
"I never said you were. But you are…Tasha, how old are you?"
"'m three," she said, not looking up from her drawing. From what Ember could tell, it was a stick figure with red hair. Or a stick figure that was bleeding from its skull. Ember hoped it was hair.
"Wow. So what 'cha drawing?"
"Nuthin'."
"Well it looks like something."
Finishing that stick figure, Tasha grabbed a purple crayon and began to draw another. "Is me."
"Oh, cool. Who's that?"
"Is Clint. His favorite color is purple."
"Well that's awfully nice of you Natasha. What are you two doing in the picture."
Black crayons came next. "Beating up bad guys."
Ember paled a little bit. "Oh, really," she asked shakily.
"Yup."
They sat in awkward (well awkward for Ember) silence for a bit before Ember blurted out something about snacks.
The little red-heads eyes lit up. "Yeah! Cookies?"
"I dunno if we have any cookies but we'll see what we have to work with."
Ember was just bringing down a box of fruit snacks (they were Niki's secret stash) when they heard a loud CRACK from outside.
In the living room, Niki had just gotten to Bilbo running after the dwarfs without his handkerchief when she heard the loud noise outside. Jumping up, she set the two boys in her lap on the chair and told Bruce to look after Loki before running to the kitchen to the sliding glass door.
"Ember, stay in here with the kids," she told her sister before running outside.
Four boys and one dog are a lot to look after. Especially if the little boys are all miniaturized Avengers. Tony, Steve, and Thor had been running around playing cowboys and Indians when Phil first noticed that Clint was not with them. Giving one last glance at the boys and reminding them not to hit each other with the sticks they claimed were guns, or in Thor's case a knife ("cuz cowboys don't have swords, Thor.") Phil started searching for his missing archer.
He had just spotted the little boy in the apple tree when the worst happened. The thin tree branch tiny Hawkeye had been pulling himself up higher with broke and branch and boy fell to the ground.
Phil rushed over to the little boy. Clint had landed on his back and the branch had landed on him, effectively winding the boy. Other than the breath knocked out of him, he seemed to only have a few scrapes and bruises.
"Oh gosh, Clint," Phil scooped up the little boy who was struggling to get his breath back and beginning to cry. "It's okay, you're okay. You're safe now. It's okay. Breath." He rubbed soothing circles on Clint's back as the gasping turned into a full blown wail.
By this time the other little Avenger boys had run over and were standing around Phil asking a million and one questions all at once.
"What happened to Clint?"
"Where'd he go?"
"Clint, what's wrong?"
"Hey bird-boy, why are you crying?"
"Phil, is Clint gonna be okay?"
When he heard the sliding door open and Niki run over, Phil could have hugged her.
"What happened," Niki asked as she took Clint in her arms and told the other boys to be quiet.
"He was climbing the tree and the branch broke," Phil said, clamping a hand over Tony's mouth. The boy would not shut up!
"WHY was he in the tree in the first place?!"
"I lost sight of him. He disappeared while the others were playing."
Niki sighed. "Fine, I'll take him inside. YOU stay with them. And no more trees."
Grumbling, Niki returned to the house with Clint whose wails had turned into slightly quieter sobs. Phil closed his eyes and sighed before he returned to the remaining three boys.
Small children are a handful, Niki thought as she carried Clint back inside. Literally.
As the door opened she was greeted by more wailing from the living room and she sighed as the scared little boy on her hip buried his head in the crook of her neck and tried to block out the loud noise by covering his ears. Niki rubbed his back before covering his hand with hers as she walked over to find Ember desperately trying to get the bawling Loki to stop crying. Natasha and Bruce were standing behind the younger sister staring at the wailing baby god.
"Hey, Loki," Ember was saying, trying to be soothing while still trying to be heard over his crying. "What's wrong, buddy? Come on, you're scaring Bruce and Tasha."
"No he's not," the little red head said angrily.
"What happened," Niki asked still balancing Clint on her hip. Her collar was quickly becoming soaked with the tiny archer's tears and his constant whimpering made it very difficult to concentrate on much else.
"I don't know," Ember said. "You left and he just started screaming!"
"Oh golly. You don't think he has separation anxiety do you?"
"Hah, then too bad for you cuz he clearly wants you," Ember said gesturing down the dark haired two-year old who was reaching for Niki while still crying.
Niki sighed and held out her hand. "Come on Loki, you can help me patch up Clint, okay?"
Sniffling, the godling nodded and slid feet first off the chair before grabbing her hand and walking with her to the bathroom. Setting the first boy on the counter next to the sink, she helped the other climb up to stand on the toilet seat. He peered wide-eyed at Clint who was still sniffling and rubbing his eyes. Niki grabbed a wash cloth from a cabinet and ran it under warm water then proceeded to wipe away the dirt and blood from the scrapes on Clint's elbows, knees, and a small one on his cheek.
"There we go," she said, placing the last Avengers Band-Aid (that Tony had stashed in her bathroom at some point) on his knee. "Feel better?"
"Kinda," Clint said while rubbing his nose.
Niki smiled. "Alright, I know how to fix that." She took his arm and kissed his elbow right on the Band-Aid. "Kisses make it all better."
The little boy giggled and pointed to his other elbow. "This one hurts still too."
Niki kissed his other elbow and had to hold back the gut-busting laugh that was threatening to break free. While two-year old Clint loved it, correct age Clint would never live this down.
From the side of the counter, little Loki whined to get Niki's attention. "Loki, use words, not whines. Come on kiddo, if you want a kiss, ask for one." Odd, she thought. I have yet to hear the kid say two words. Or any words really.
With a huff Loki slid down to sit on the toilet cover and kicked his feet.
"Pouting won't help either," Niki said, not turning to him. If the kid wasn't going to use his words then he wasn't going to get the attention he wanted. Niki picked Clint up off the counter and kissed the 'owwie' on his cheek. He giggled and latched onto her neck, almost choking her. "Haha, whoa, ease up kiddo. I need to breath."
A sniffle and a hesitant, "C-can I have one" turned Niki's attention to the little boy in green looking at his feet. She smiled and crouched down in front of him while still holding on to Clint.
"Of course you can. All you had to do was ask." She leaned forward and kissed the tiny god of mischief on his forehead. "Was that so hard?"
He beamed up at her and lunged forward, claiming her neck as well as her other arm and hip.
"Oh my gosh! Kiddo, you gotta warn me first!"
Holding her boys close, Niki went back out to the living room to survey the damage.
Or lack thereof.
"How did you do that?"
All of the kids were sitting around the television watching The Great Mouse Detective, each with a sippy cup (thank you Phil) and the bare bones of their grapes. Clint and Loki were squirming in her arms to get down which Niki gladly obliged. They ran over and Ember brought them each their own sippy cup and grapes.
"Better question, why didn't I think of that?"
"Nothing distracts kids like TV," Phil said coming up next to her. "Told them it was nap time after the movie."
"You. Are. Brilliant."
Phil smiled a very Phil Coulson smile. "I didn't get this job for nothing."
"Movies are the best invention God ever created," Ember said while lifting Tasha to sit on her lap on the couch. Apparently the little spy had taken a shine to Ember and Niki was quite happy to let Ember deal with that.
A tugging on her pant leg made Niki look down to see Loki looking up at her, one hand on her jeans and the other still clutching his cup.
"Come sit with us," he asked in a timid voice.
Niki smiled brightly. "Absolutly."
She sat down on the floor and Loki and Clint quickly claimed her lap while Bruce snuggled up to her side. By the time the movie was over, all the kids and Niki were fast asleep.
"Should we wake them up?"
"Shhhh!"
"Really, this is pretty cute. Don't ruin it."
"Please tell me someone got a picture."
"Try, like, five."
Niki frowned. Who was talking and why were they waking her up from a wonderful nap? And what was on her lap that was so heavy?
With a sigh she opened her eyes and was surprised to see all of the Avengers gathered round her with Cheshire cat grins. Well, almost all of the Avengers. Something was tickling her chin and her arms were tingling with lack of proper blood flow so she looked down and her eyes went wide.
Still curled up (somehow) on her lap and still asleep were Loki and Clint. Loki's face was buried in the crook of her neck with his hand tucked up under his chin. Clint had wrapped his arms around her ribs and his head was resting on her chest. Niki still had her arms wrapped around both of them and had apparently been resting her head on top of Loki's when she was so rudely awakened.
Her hands flew up and she tried to move but the two grown men on her lap prevented most movement.
"What?! When did this happen? Why are you all grown up now? And why aren't you getting these two deadweights off me?!"
Tony and Natasha broke into fits of laughter and Thor and Steve were having a very hard time keeping a straight face as well. Bruce was just grateful he was the first to wake up. When he had woken up he had found himself curled up against Niki's legs, his head on her thigh and his arms wrapped around her knees.
Apparently it takes a lot of noise to wake up a master sniper and a Norse god. They slowly started to wake up when they realized where they were and what had happened. There was a moment's pause before Clint jumped up with a yelp and Loki scrambled away, barely making it to his feet.
"By the Nine, how did this happen," Loki gasped as Thor helped steady him.
"You took a nap on my sister, that's what happened," Ember said with a huge grin and a camera in her hand. "Don't worry; I'll give you copies of the photos before I put them online."
"No!" Clint yelled. "There is no way in hell those are going on the internet! Do you have any idea what S.H.I.E.L.D would do?!"
"Oh they already know," Natasha said. "Niki and Ember were really smart and called Fury after we were baby-fied. Why do you think Coulson's here?"
"What made you all change back?" Niki asked standing up.
"Apparently Bambi just needed a nap for the spell to wear off," Tony said leaning against Steve.
"I think we all just needed a nap," Steve said not bothering to push Tony away this time.
"It was not a spell designed to last for a long period of time," Loki said bitterly. "In fact it wasn't supposed to happen at all."
"Then why did it?" Coulson asked.
"Because I was being accosted for things I did not do!"
"So what were you doing instead?" Natasha asked turning to him.
"I was here the whole time!"
"It's true," Niki seconded. "I was with him."
"Oooh," Tony cooed. "This is priceless. And what were you two love-birds doing in your alone time?"
"We are not love-birds," Loki yelled while Niki blushed and said, "Baking."
"You got my brother to assist you in the kitchen," Thor said in surprise.
"Yeah, he's actually not that bad a cook."
Loki fumed and, turning on his heels, marched off to his room. "I have had enough of you fools. Leave me be until they are gone."
Thor, Tony, and Ember broke into fits of laughter while Niki tried desperately to not be the focus of the friendly jabs.
"Ow!" Clint rubbed his elbow. "What in the…oh no."
Niki looked up and burst into laughter herself when she saw his expression. "You remember that?!"
"We all remember everything," Steve said. "But what are you talking about."
"Clint….got some…owies," Niki said between giggles. "So I had to…"
The archer ran over and slapped a hand over her mouth. "Don't say it or I swear…"
"No, I wanna hear this," Tony said and pried Clint's hands off Niki.
"I had to kiss-it-make-it-better," Niki finished.
This time, everyone burst into peals of laughter. Most were at least doubled over except Ember and Tony who were actually on the floor laughing. Clint glared and crossed his arms over his chest.
"It's not that funny."
"Yes," Tasha gasped. "It is!"
"I was two!"
"That makes it funnier!"
Leaning back in her chair, Niki sipped her coffee and sighed. It was very quiet. Almost two weeks had passed since the toddler incident and, not that she would ever admit it, Niki was missing the closeness that she experienced with the miniature Avengers. No one had really said anything about it since that day and Niki wasn't going to be the first. It had taken almost two days to get Loki to emerge from his room and Clint still blushed like mad whenever he saw her or a box of Avengers Band-Aids.
She gazed up at the ceiling and rocked onto the back legs of her chair. It was very, very quiet.
"Um, Niki?"
Falling back onto all four legs of her chair, Niki looked over to the door to the kitchen in surprise.
"Bruce," she gasped in surprise. "I'm sorry; I didn't hear you come in. You startled me."
"Oh no," he said sheepishly stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Ember let me in before I knocked. She was on her way out already and beat me to it."
"Wait, she was leaving? Why didn't I know about this?!"
"Oh, Natasha wasn't really giving her much of a choice."
"Natasha?! What in the …." Niki paused and thought about it. The spy had been bringing Ember home from school lately and the last time she asked her younger sister who Em was texting Niki had been surprised to hear Natasha instead of Embers other friends.
"Don't worry," Bruce reassured her. "Ember will be fine."
"Oh I'm not worried about that. A little warning would be nice but I don't think anyone really saw that one coming."
"I don't think anyone saw any of this coming."
Niki chuckled and nodded. "Oh! I'm sorry Bruce! Please, take a seat. Do you want some tea? I can have the water ready in a few."
"That'd be great," the scientist said with a soft smile.
Niki jumped up and quickly got her kettle going and set out the tea and honey along with a cup and spoon. In no time the kettle was whistling and she poured the hot water into Bruce's mug.
After she sat back down, and a few moments of odd silence, Bruce cleared his throat and, gaze focused on his mug, asked Niki something she hadn't seen coming either.
"Niki, do you, um, that you could, heh, that you possibly wouldn't mind, uh, reading more of the Hobbit?"
Niki's brow's almost reached her hair line as the surprise registered on her face.
"Oh! Well, actually I loaned it to Loki but as soon as he's done with it…"
"If the mortal doctor wishes to have you read this book aloud you may have it," came Loki's voice from the living room. After a pause he appeared in the door, book in hand.
Niki arched a brow. "Are you done with it already?"
"No but if you are to be reading it aloud I will be free to do other tasks that I am unable to perform while reading."
Smirking Niki held her hand out for the book and gestured for him to take a seat at the table as well. "If you wanted me to read it out loud to you, all you had to do was ask Loki. Use your words."
He glared at her but did take a seat after pouring himself a mug of hot water as well and began to prepare his tea.
Niki winked at Bruce and opened the book. "'Up you two get, and off we go! Said Thorin.'"