ok this is a short little story that I am somehow inspired to write above all else on my list of things to write. Don't bug me about those other stories that i still need to update because they will be updated eventually. The situations just haven't been right for me to write those other stories. Also this one is going to jump around alot, have an original character, and piss Sasuke off alot.
Side note: Many of you will notice that the name of my character is Kikai like the kikai bugs shino uses. well Kikai means, among many things, 'Weird' and so that is the meaning of Kikai that i am using.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, But maybe, just maybe I own Kishimoto... ok I don't, that would be weird to own somebody.
Chapter one: Enter Kikai
As Iruka's eyes scanned over his class they stopped suddenly on one student in particular. This student had dark red hair and bright pink eyes... yes, pink. His clothing was rather interesting. He wore a pair of dark sunglasses that always sat low on his face so he could see over them, he switched out the dark blue material on his forehead protecter for bright pink to match his eyes, he wore a casual black shirt with the words 'Let's Play' in bold red letters with a red rounded face with horns licking a bloody kunai( an exact replica of his sister's except her's was a tube top), black pants with many pockets, and steel toed boots with skulls painted on the front( he refused to wear the shinobi sandle saying it just begged people to stomp on your toes).
The young man's was name was Kikai and he had entered the academy three days before the exams to become genin. Already he had a reputation as the weirdest kid in class. Any one day with him was rather exciting. The first time he met Sasuke he stared at him for about five minutes, right up in his face... then he kissed him... full on the lips. Iruka had never seen the girls in his class emit more killing intent than when they had tried to chase down Kikai for kissing Sasuke.
Kikai was also odd for another reason. He had aboslutely no skills in gen, nin, and taijustu. Sure he could throw a shuriken, but so could anyone with enough motor skills to throw a ball. He had the only record for never hitting a target out of every try he made. There were only three reasons he was even allowed to graduate the day before. One, he was a stealth expert. If he didn't want to be found thirty teams of ANBU could scower all of fire country and never even cath a hint that he existed anymore. Two, the kid had a chakra capacity to rival Naruto's. Three, and probably the most important, his sister, Iyou the Wasp, had threatened the Hokage that if he didn't atleast make her little brother a gennin then she would have her paper wasps eat his entire collection of Icha Icha Paradise.
And so Kikai passed the exam.
Iruka looked at Sasuke, who was currently praying to any deity he could that Kikai would not be on his team. He almost felt sorry for Sasuke.
"Team seven: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto..." this was followed by two screams of triumph, one from an overly enthusiastic pink haired fangirl, and the other from the stone faced Uchiha, " and finally Suzumebachi Kikai." The resounding girlish scream of horror came not from the Haruno, but from Sasuke, as Kikai latched on to his arm.
"Isn't this great, Sasuke-kun? Not only do you have me, but also the boobless Haruno and blondie-kun. Now we can gang bang you!" He anounced loudly. Sasuke tried to keep a calm facade but everyone could tell he was trying to figure out if the pink eyed boy was joking or not.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING BOOBLESS!?!" the Haruno shouted while delivering a crushing blow to the Suzumebachi's head.
Kikai stood back up surprisingly quickly considering his face was just previously stuck in the wooden floor boards.
"You are, you uncute, bilboard forehead, flatchested, half-monkey!" At the back of the class Yamanaka Ino was laughing her ass off.
Sakura looke ready to kill the kid, but luckil for him Iruka stepped in.
"Settle down! Kikai stop pestering Sakura or I'll inform your sister of just who it was exactly stole her favorite kunai set and sold them for more Icha Icha Paradise books," Kikai suddenly turned blue in the face. In a matter of miliseconds he was in the seat next to Sasuke playing the perfect student role.
"OK, next is team..."
(( The top of the academy, with Kakashi three hours later))
"OK, Let's introduce ourselves, how about you tell me your names, likes, dislikes, dreams, and hobbies," The grey haired jounin said to the four students.
"Why don't you go first, Sensei, to show us how it's done," the pink haired one said. He just smirked under his mask.
"Alright. My name is Hatake Kakashi, you have no business knowing my likes or dislikes, I don't really have any hobbies, and dreams for the future... I never really thought about it."
"Oh, Come off it Hatake," the pink eyed boy stated loudly, "Everyone knows your hobby is stalking my sister." Kakashi's visible eye twitched.
"Well, since you seem so outspoken we'll start with you."
"Fine, the name's Suzumebachi Kikai, I like Icha Icha Paradice," Kakashi raised one eyebrow in interest, "trying to prove Girly-kun is gay," he jerked his thumb at the avenger who literally growled, "and my shirt. I dislike stuck up assholes, ramen," Naruto went completely slack jawed, " and people who burn Icha Icha Paradice books. My hobbies are..." he looked at Haruno almost frightened, which made Kakashi curious, and continued, " currently none of your business. My dream," for the first time since he started he looked serious, "is to grow strong enough to protect my sister and the village."
'He's kind of like his sister... gonna be tough to train a kid who only knows stealth techniques though. Maybe I could get Gai to help with his taijutsu.'
"You next, Pinky."
"I'm Haruno Sakura, I like... My hobby is... My dream is... I hate Kikai!" Following each pause, Sakura stared and/or squealed at Sasuke.
'Great a fangirl more worried about boys than actually being a ninja.'
"Ok next is Blondie," he pointed at Naruto. The shy boy looked up, his blue eyes sparkling nervously.
"I..I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I like... I like ramen, Hinata-chan, and Sarutobi-jii-san. I dislike those who hurt others for no reason and ... snakes. My hobbies are training and reading. My dream is to become Hokage!" The entire introduction up to the last point was almost a whisper, but the last was said with such conviction...
'Maybe I can help you with that dream, Uzumaki-san,' thought both Kakashi and Kikai.
"And lastly... Girly-kun," Kakashi just couldn't resist. It was just too tempting.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I don't really 'like' anything. My dream, no, my ambition is to kill a certain man," his cold tone didn't change at all through out the speech. Sakura looked at him like he was the coolest, Kikai looked bored, and Naruto looked a little frightened by the avenger.
'He's gonna be the hardest to deal with.'
"OK, that's all for now. Meet me tomorrow at Training Ground Seven."
(( yeah I'm skippin sme of it. pretend it happened anyway. and yes naruto is shy.)
Kikai cursed loudly. There was no way he was gonna pass this test. Not with that idiot Uchiha on his team. Anyone with half a brain stem could see this was a test of teamwork. But no, mister super cool Girly-kun had to go off and fight by himself and drop the others like dead weights.
He could also pin it on his own lack of skills. Wasn't his fault his only talent came out while playing hide and seek. It however was his fault he didn't even try to improve his other skills. Sure he could throw a punch... that a two year old could catch. He kicked pretty hard... soccer was good for something after all. He knew he'd never have a future with nin or genjutsu no matter how hard he trained. Maybe if he started out in the accademy like his peers he could eventually do the regular Bunshin a few years after his twentieth birthday. To say he lacked control of his chakra was like saying Uzumaki Naruto had a small crush on Hyuuga Hinata.
Back to the matter at hand.
No matter how his skills may be lacking in certain fields he was still a stealth expert. If he could just sneak up on his sensei he could get a bell. He'd still need a distraction though. He decided to find Uzumaki first. Then with the shy boy they could put the meaning of the test into Sakura's empty head, and finally maybe the three of them could pound the meaning of the test into the Uchiha's brain. Then just maybe they'd pass...
(( Thirty minutes later.))
Sakura and Kikai were bother strapped to the logs found in training ground seven.
"Oh, come the fuck on! Why do I have to be tied up?! I figured out the stupid test!" Kikai yelled at his sensei who was still reading his favorite installment of a certain little orange book.
"Oh? And what is the meaning of my test?" Kakashi asked boredly, expecting to hear some stupidly obvious and equally wrong answer.
"Anyone could see it's teamwork! Now let me go, you fucking scarecrow! I'm hungry!" Hatake was obviously surprized.
"You idiot! That can't be it! There are only two bells! How are we supposed to work together when only two of us will pass in the end?!"
"Actually... he's right, Sakura," Kakashi said looking up from his book, "It's a sad day when a civilian can perceive something a ninja can't." The barb to their skills had a more profound effect than he thought.
Both Sakura and Naruto looked down. Sakura because she was bested by a civilian and she was supposed to be the brainy one. Naruto because although to anyone else it seem like the entire team was subject to insult he felt it was directed at him. Being hated and basically exiled from human contact for his whole life didn't exactly have a good effect on his self esteem.
Sasuke growled. Much like Naruto, he felt the barb was directed at him. Instead of wallowing in self doubt he growled angrily, clenching his fists to the point that his fingernails broke the skin.
"Who the fuck are you calling a civilian, you scarecrow bastard!? When I get down from here I'll show you! Just give me a taijutsu scroll and I'll become your worst nightmare!!" Briefly an image of Maito Gai went through Kakashi's mind. "And you still haven't told me why I'm up here, DAMN IT!!"
"Just because you figured it out doesn't mean you understood it. If you truly did then the four of you would be enjoying lunch by now," Kakashi said he stood up and walked to the four students. He held out two lunch boxes, "I'm going to give you all one more chance. Sasuke, Naruto, you have ten minutes to eat lunch. Give any to Kikai or Sakura and You all immediately fail. Understood?" Both of them nodded. Kikai looked beyond pissed.
In nothing flat the grey haired scarecrow was gone.
About five minutes later Sakura's growling stomach was getting on Kikai's nerves. Unfortunately for Sasuke, his legs weren't bound like his arms and torso and the Uchiha was within kicking range.
CRACK! Metal plate against human skull. Nothing sounds the same.
"You asshole! Can't you hear that?! She's hungry, feed her already!" he lashed out with his foot again, but this time Sasuke ducked.
"If I feed her we fail, Dumbass," He replied coldly.
"If you don't feed her she becomes a commodity, and you have a higher chance for failue."
"Ano... What about you, Kikai-san?" Naruto asked quietly.
"Easy. I don't know a good god damned thing ninja wise. So if nothing else the three of you pass and I go back to the accademy and maybe learn a few things," he smirked and closed his left eye. He suddenly lashed out with his leg again. With the Uchiha unsuspecting, it connected with another resounding crack, "Now feed her, you cold hearted bastard!"
Grumbling, Sasuke proceeded to feed the blushing Haruno. He'd get that stupid pink eyed kid back for his lumps.
"And you, you fangirl twit! If you don't take being a ninja seriously after this, I swear I'll sneak into your house and dye your hair green with purple pokadots!" Haruno became blue in the face at the thought of such an attocity committed on her beautiful hair.
Just as Sasuke was about to give Sakura another bite of his lunch dark clouds began forming overhead. In the distance they saw Kakashi storming towards them, anger obvious in his visible eye.
His bellowing voice reached their ears, "YOU...!"
"Pass."
A/N: and so doth end the first chapter. Next Chapter will be about... well what ever the hell I want it to be about. but It'll have a brief mentioning of the wave arc which will be in no way changed so i don't feel the necessity to write it. I'll update when ever the urge hits me as I have other things to do.
Also, Kikai as you know is being used for it's meaning weird. Ten points for every who can guess what Iyou means.
Out