Author's Note: This is just a little one shot that may be incorporated into Lunar Break later on. I've read a few lists about Emmett and Edward on this site, but I haven't seen any about Bella yet and wanted to give this one a try. Please don't hate it too much- I know it's not as descriptive as my other stuff but it was just fun to do.
42 Things Bella Swan is Not Allowed to do
1. Tell everyone that Edward is not sexually repressed due to their advancements
2. Tell an endless supply of blonde jokes in front of Rosalie
3. In front of Jasper, talk about the difficulties of being a woman
4. ... and then tell him that he doesn't understand how she feels
5. Pretend to be aleep and fake having a dream about Jacob
6. ... and say 'I do' to him rather than Edward
7. Tell Edward she's pregnant just to see if it's possible for a vampire to have a heart attack
8. ... and then laugh when he believes her
9. Tell Alice that all designers have gone on strike in order for her to stop shopping for her
10. ... and then tell her that it was a joke after Alice has fallen into a deep depression
11. Let it 'slip' to Edward that Emmett has been stealing his boxers to make flags out of them
12. ... and then say that he gave them all to Mike, even if it is true
13. Ask Edward if he thinks she is too fat and needs to change her eating habits
14. Call Jacob in the dead of night to say that Edward has broken the treaty
15. ... and tell Charlie that Jacob was trying to break in
16 ... and proceed to laugh about it while Jacob is being put in the back of Charlie's cruiser
17. ... without Edward there to record it for everyone to enjoy every night.
18. Let Edward in the house while Emmett and Rosalie are, um, pre- occupied in his room
19. ...and then let it 'slip' that Carlisle and Esme are thinking of getting him a jet for his birthday!
20. Tell him that said jet is in Italy and he should fly there to get it
21. Talk about their wedding night in front of Edward
22. ... and then disappoint him later
23. Tell Charlie about their plan to fake her death
24. ... even if she is drunk at the time and has no idea what she is saying
25. Let Edward undress her while passed out drunk
26. ... and wake up briefly to tell him to stop after she has been stripped to just her underwear
27. Get drunk and then go home to Charlie
28. Tell Mike Newton that she has been in love with him all along
29. ... then reject him as he gets on one knee, saying she changed her mind
30. Let Jacob kiss her and then think that she should be punished by Edward leaving her again
31. Steal a cheese wheel and then give it to Emmett
32. Melt said cheese wheel to see if vampires really can cry
33. Steal another cheese wheel to give to Emmett as a consulation
34. Call Edward her manly lion in front of Emmett and Jasper
35. Let Edward know that she had feelings for Jasper long before she met him
36. ... even if she meant her hidden feelings for Edward and her love for him
37. Cry when Alice gives her a gift certificate to a major retailer
38. ... and forget to tell her that she cried because now she could pick out her own clothes
39. Leave lingerie Alice bought her lying around her room to show Edward what to expect
40. Tell Rosalie that she's her hero and then tell her that Jasper made her do it
41. Forget to apologize to Rosalie and tell her she was hit with a wave of honesty, not lying
"Well, Bella, does that cover all of this summer's little events?" Alice asked me. I looked at her and sighed. That had to be it, there was nothing left. I had been a little naughty over the past few months.
"Yeah, guys, that about covers it," I said. This was a little embarrassing, they actually had a list now. I had to keep this from Edward as long as possible so that he couldn't throw it in my face if I did something that I wasn't allowed to do- especially numbers 21 and 22.
Rosalie looked at me and sighed a heavy sigh. She had been hurt by my calling her my hero and then saying Jasper made me do it without further explanation. I could see why that was on the list. She was my hero because of the way she distracted Charlie and getting me past him on the night I experienced numbers 23 thru 27 of the 'rules' on the list. She had told him that I was just overtired and needed to get to bed immediately.
At that moment, Emmett rushed in with yet another cheese wheel.
"Emmett, what are you doing with that? Didn't you learn your lesson last time? Ya know, when Esme found your little collection in our closet?" Rosalie scolded her husband.
"Yeah, baby. I know but I had to get this one. I got it on ebay for 200,000 dollars! That was the highest bid on any food item in the last five years, " my eager soon- to- be big brother concluded.
"And what, pray tell, is so important about this particular wheel of cheese?" Rosalie asked her husband.
"Get this, Rose. It was the first and only wheel of cheese from Switzerland flavored like meat! And it's signed by the inventor of the cheese wheel, it's really, really, really old"
"Well, you're not keeping it in our room. It'll attract Esme for sure and we don't want her on another rampage, now do we?"
Emmett looked away and sullenly answered her before leaving to go only God knows where. I looked at Alice and she was staring at the wall, trying not to burst out laughing at whatever she was seeing in the future.
"Alice, I don't even want to know," I said. She turned to the paper again before scribbling down something that I couldn't see. Before I could grab it from her, Rosalie intercepted and held it out of my reach.
"Come on you guys. I have to know what it says so that I know not to do it, don't I?" I begged them, throwing on my best puppy dog face.
Rosalie looked to Alice and I turned my head in time to see her nod her head. Yay Me!
When she surrendered the paper, I pulled it to myself before Alice could change her mind. I read the paper just as Edward walked in and put his arm around my waist. I looked up at him in time for his lips to capture mine in a very sweet, simple kiss. He looked at my face and put a finger to my chin to make me focus on his eyes.
Which I would have done anyway, of course. He searched my face for the source of my expression.
"What's the matter, love?" he asked. I showed him the paper and he skimmed it quickly, looking up every so often to read my expression. "This is the source of the joyous look on your face?" I nodded. "Then I am very thankful for the craziness of my two insane, yet loved, sisters."
I noticed that his thumb happened to be covering the last item on the list. "Edward, sweetheart?" He looked at me with joy and I continued, "You forgot one."
He smiled as he read the last 'rule' for me to follow and I knew that he would never forget this one either:
42. Use Emmett's obsession with cheese wheels against him, but must make sure Edward does
Additional Author's Note: Please review so I know that someone reads this stuff I spend so much time on and so that I know if I should write another thing like this one. It would make me feel very loved! Oh yeah- I have no idea why Emmett has an obsession with cheese wheels but I read it in someone else's story and couldn't let it go. lol