A/N: Sirius and Minerva aren't letting me rest, so here is another story about them. I'm considering doing more of these one-shots or a lengthier story about them, so please let me know what you'd like to read about them. Please leave me a review to tell me whether you liked or hated this story and why. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and not to me.
A Night Of Both Despair And Hope
Minerva is still clinging to Sirius when they arrive at Grimmauld Place. She knows the others are looking at her, she can feel their eyes burn into her skin, but she skillfully ignores them. She knows the grips she has on Sirius's hand in tight enough to hurt, but unless he complains she won't let go. She almost lost both Sirius and Harry mere hours before, and she needs the touch to ground her, to convince her they're still alive.
That thought makes her even more aware of Harry standing close beside her. She's torn between pulling Harry against her, hugging him for all he's worth just like she will Sirius when they're alone. But she isn't sure the boy –young man, she corrects herself- will let her do that in front of the others.
Sirius seems to sense her turmoil, as he wraps his arms around her and brings his mouth close to her ear to whisper to her. His breath ghosts across her skin as one of his hands begins to rub soothing circles on her back. It calms her down as much as the words he utters, making the tension drain from her muscles.
"Go ahead. He won't mind. He needs to be held by us as much as we want to hold him," he tells her, his voice so low none of the others can hear it.
And she gives in to him, turning slightly so she can bring her arms around Harry as Sirius shifts slightly so he can place one arm around her and the other around Harry. The strength with which Harry grips onto her as soon as possible, the way he buries his head against her neck as he clutches at Sirius's shirt tells her he's been putting up a brave face for his friends.
Harry isn't crying though; she suspects he'll only do that when he's completely alone or with Sirius. Maybe he'll feel comfortable doing that with her too, as they have grown rather close during the six months she's been with Sirius. Harry has opened up to her more than she ever dared to dream, and she hopes that will continue.
"Come on. We should all be heading to bed. It's been a hell of a night for all of us and we need to get our heads on straight before we talk about it. Rest will help, although I doubt any of us will have an undisturbed night," Sirius says, beginning to lead Harry and her up the flight of stairs.
Minerva vaguely hears Molly usher the others into the kitchen to have a cup of tea before following their example. She doesn't pay much attention to it, though, as Sirius and Harry both entwine their fingers with hers. The others may matter a great deal to her, but these two men are the most important people in her life. Molly will take good care of them and they're all doing remarkably well considering they fought Death Eaters.
When they reach the landing on the second floor, Sirius heads directly for Harry's room. She raises an eyebrow in surprise when Harry shakes his head as soon as Sirius begins to steer them towards the bed. Harry tugs of the blankets and pillows and leads them back out, stepping into the room beside the one he's always occupied when at Grimmauld Place.
"I don't want to disturb Ron and Hermione when the nightmares come," he explains as he unceremoniously dumps the blanks and pillows onto the bed. Minerva in part understands his reasoning; he's been through a completely different kind of hell, one he doesn't want to drag his friends into.
Without thinking she takes the blanket and puts it on the bed properly, helped by Harry. It's been years since she's done this, but it helps. She feels less useless, more powerful and in control by doing something as mundane. Despite still hurting a little after taking four stunners to the chest five days ago, she feels better than she'd done during that time now that she's helping Harry.
As soon as they're done, Sirius places the pillows on the bed. Then, he gestures for Harry to slide beneath the covers. Minerva watches as the younger man obeys the silent request and as Sirius lowers himself onto the bed beside his godson. She ends up beside Sirius in turn, as her partner tugs her down gently.
"If you have any nightmares, you come straight to our rooms, okay? It doesn't matter what time it is or what the nightmares are about, you just come knocking. You don't have to do this alone," Sirius says as soon as Harry is comfortable installed.
Minerva raises her hand when Harry opens his mouth to speak, feeling pretty sure she already knows what he's about to say. Fortunately, Harry immediately closes his mouth. She smiles at him gently, her heart aching for the young man that has become a kind of son to her. She wants him to know exactly how much she means what she's about to say. Not that she thinks he will doubt it, but still.
"You won't be disturbing or bothering us, Harry. I promise. You could never do that, as we both love you too much for that," she reminds him. It still feels odd to admit that to Harry, but it's the truth. She's allowed to say it too, as long as no one outside the Order of the Phoenix hears.
Sirius doesn't speak but kisses Harry's forehead. Any other fifteen-year-old would have bristled at what they believed to be an action only fit for children, but Harry has never been shown that kind of affection and thus enjoys it too much. And it's Sirius, the man Harry loves and trusts almost like a father.
Harry takes a hold of her hand once more and tugging her as close as possible without moving himself when Sirius straightens up again. She is now pressed firmly against Sirius, but all she can focus on is the way Harry is worrying his bottom lip. She realises he wants to ask her something but doesn't know whether he can.
When he does speak a few seconds later, he surprises her so much that she doubts for a second that she's actually heard the words at all. But the faint blush on his cheeks tells her she has heard correctly.
"Can I get one from you too? A kiss, I mean," Harry asks, his voice so soft the sound of her own breathing nearly drown it out. Harry's head drops a little as he awaits her answer, and she understands he fears she'll deny him.
She lifts his chin with her fingers, making him look her in the eye. She can see the hope flare up in those pools of green staring back at her when she smiles. Harry relaxes, his entire body seemingly sagging as the tension leaves it. She knows he has his answer, but she voices it anyway.
"Of course you can," she says. After that, she bends down to touch her lips to his forehead like Sirius did before. She's out of her element, as she's never had children, let alone children that suffered like Harry has. But she doesn't show it as she sits back up.
Harry seems completely at peace now, his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling less rapidly than before. The expression on his face makes her squeeze the hand still holding hers before she stand and drags Sirius with her. Harry doesn't open his eyes, showing her exactly how much he trusts her. She finds it humbling and vows never to break that trust.
"Sleep well," Sirius whispers before they step into the hallway. There's no reply and a single look tells her Harry is already in the land of dreams. She hopes for his sake that he will stay there for a few hours.
Sirius now leads her to their rooms, and she goes without question. She needs him, needs for him to make her feel alive and she doesn't doubt he knows it. She only hopes he knows exactly how she wants him to make her remembers the others and she are alive and well.
As soon as they're inside the bedroom, Sirius lets go of her. He moves towards the bed without looking back, settling against the headboard. She makes to move, but his voice is demanding when he speaks again.
"Stop. Stay," he orders, his voice more gravelly than normal. She knows that tone, knows he understands what she wants from him. Therefore, she stops in her tracks and looks at him, silently asking him what she should do next. She can feel the twinge of anticipation in her abdomen.
She wants Sirius to fuck her. She wants him to not be gentle with her this time, to take her more roughly than he's so far done. She wants him to make it impossible for her to do anything but take whatever order he gives her. She wants to be reduced to a pile of emotions, joy and lust and love. And she can see in his eyes that he understands and that he wants it too.
"Undress yourself," he says, his voice so low and husky she has no doubt he's thought about this before. She finds that exhilarating, as she's no longer the raven-haired girl she once was. She's grey now, and her body isn't as taut and pert as it used to be. Yet Sirius enjoys looking at it and touching it.
She feels the first tendrils of heat spring into being in her abdomen, accompanied by all the love she holds for this man. She obeys, unbuttoning her summer robe. She trails her fingers over the skin she reveals, goose bumps appearing on her alabaster arms and abdomen as she peels away the light fabric. She sees Sirius lick his lips and she bites her own to keep from moaning out loud.
She now stands before him in her undergarments. Her bra and nickers are a deep red which contrasts against her skin. They're not lacey or anything, but they're a right sight better than the white cotton underwear she wears most days. And Sirius seems to like the scraps of fabric, as he eyes them hungrily.
When she makes to unhook her bra and drop it to the floor, Sirius stops her. Without uttering another word, he moves towards her. He circles her and slides his arms around her from behind, his hands coming to rest on her abdomen. She whimpers at the feel of his skin on hers, but it's so soft she isn't sure he's heard her.
Finally, the bra is gone and his hands touch her breasts. The scars on her chest are close to the tips of his fingers, but he seemingly isn't perturbed by them. She presses forward, silently asking for more. He tightens his hold on the globes and pinches te nipples, this time making her moan louder. It's not painful, but it's bordering on it. And that only makes the lust she feels intensify tenfold.
All too soon, he lets go of her and steps away. She keeps from whimpering at the loss of contact, albeit barely. She can feel Sirius smirk behind her, and her knees go even weaker. This is going to be better than she could ever have imagined.
"Now undress me," Sirius orders. Of course, she doesn't waste any time in doing that. Just like she did while undressing herself, she doesn't hesitate to touch whatever part of Sirius she can. She trails her nails across his nipples and over his abdominal muscles, making the man quiver.
Soon, Sirius is as naked at she is. Now that she has fulfilled his request, she stands before him unmoving. As his eyes rake her body, she tries not to think about how wet she already is, how pebbled her nipples are and how shallow and fast her breathing is. If she does, Sirius might not have to touch her to make this end.
"Lie down on the bed," Sirius finally orders. Very slowly, so as to not sink as her knees try to give way, she does as she's told. He's not given her any instructions as to how to lie down, so she settles on her back.
She can barely see Sirius approach in this position, but she can hear it. When he is beside her, he slowly lifts one of her arms and places it against the headboard. Then, he does the same to the other. She now notices he is holding his wand.
"Yes?" he asks, and she knows what he means. He's asking whether he can bind her hands above her head, making it impossible for her to move much or touch him.
"Yes," she breaths, lifting her head as much as she count to entice him into a kiss. She can feel the passion, lust an love inside her rise to proportions they've never reached before at the prospect; she's never done this and she would never have considered it if it was anyone but Sirius. Now, however, she wants nothing more.
Sirius whispers a charm she doesn't catch and her hands are tied. She experimentally tugs at the binds and find they will hold her down without hurting her. They're soft too, and she realises they're silk strands instead of the rope she expected. She's grateful for that, as ropes would be more likely to leave marks on her skin. Despite not being ashamed of her sexual relationship with Sirius, she doesn't believe anyone should know what they're doing right now. They might not understand.
Sirius now trails his fingers along her right leg, drawing nearer and nearer to where she's wet for him. But he bypasses that very spot, instead drawing figures on her inner thighs and abdomen. She lifts her hips in a silent plea for more, but he ignores her until she can't help but beg out loud.
"Please, Sirius… Inside me…" she moans, the two sentences spread by an unnatural pause because she isn't breathing properly anymore. She hardly notices that though, only focused on Sirius's hands.
He laugh throatily and obeys, sliding two fingers inside her once he's found she's more than ready for it. She again arches her hips, drawing the digits in deeper. But even as he ads a third, she knows it's not enough. She wants more.
"Sirius… I want you… Now… Please," she shamelessly begs, knowing that even though she isn't too coherent anymore, Sirius will understand. The man can read her like an open book now. It scared her at first, but now she revels in it, as it makes them capable of having entire conversations without saying a single word.
And Sirius does understand, because he pushes her legs further apart and settles between them, his chest coming to rest against hers. And then, he is inside her and the whole world ceases to exist. It's just the two of them, their hearts beating as one as Sirius begin to move inside her and she meets him thrust for thrust.
She strains against the binds every time she pushes down, and she aches to touch Sirius, to urge him on by placing her hands on his arse. But on the other hand, being unable to do that makes her feel more aroused than ever and she simply loses herself in the feelings he's invoking in her. And Sirius doesn't need encouraging, as he increases the speed and strength of his thrusts every once in a while.
"I'm so… so close…" Sirius murmurs against her ear before claiming her lips in another heated kiss. She opens her mouth to let his tongue chase hers, struggling to catch any breath at all as he increases the pace and strength of his thrusts once more and steals her breath away as soon as it enters her lungs.
"Me… too," she manages to say when they break apart.
At those words, Sirius moves his hand down to press his thumb against her clit. His name leaves her lips in a half cry, half moan as she shudders and comes harder than she ever has. Her names leaves his lips reverently a few seconds later, after a few more thrusts, and it's the most beautiful sound she's ever heard.
Sirius manages to keep from collapsing on top of her, although she doesn't know how he does it. Exhausted now that the adrenaline and endorphins are wearing off, she can't really think straight. She's no doubt that they will soon be asleep, and that is the only thing that spurs her into action. They need to clean up a little before they close their eyes, as waking up in a sticky mess won't be very comfortable.
Before she has managed to do more than attempt to sit up, Sirius releases the binds. She slips out from below his body at once only to return a second later, wand in hands. She quickly utters a few spells to clean them and the sheets up and get some underwear and a light pair of pyjamas on them before sliding into the bed again. Sirius immediately pulls her against him, spooning behind her as he always does when they spend the night in the same bed.
She covers the hand he places against her abdomen with her own as she closes her eyes. She feels calm, at peace and sure of the survival of those she loves and herself. It's all she needs to be able to close her eyes and let sleep claim her.
But not before she's thanked whatever deity is out there that things weren't any worse. If they had been, Harry might have lost Sirius, her or the both of them. Voldemort, the Death Eaters and Umbridge could have made that happen. After all, it was only Poppy Pomfrey's quick thinking that had saved her and Sirius's quick reflexes that had made Bellatrix Lestrange's curse miss its target.
But as she finally sinks too deep beneath the darkness's surface to drag herself back up, the thought loses all its power.
A few hours later a piercing scream wakes her. The agony and sadness behind the sound have her sitting up so fast the world spins around her for a second. Sirius also stirs beside her, and she shakes his shoulder. His grey eyes open immediately.
"It's Harry," she says and swings her legs out of bed. She doesn't even care that her hair is loose and she's wearing shorts and a shirt, an attire she wouldn't have any of her students find her in; Harry is like a son to her and he needs her.
Sirius follows her example, also uncaring about the way he looks. Then again, he always looks handsome and he's well aware of it, so she hadn't expected anything else.
Together, they step into the hallway. Minerva sees Ron, Ginny and Hermione peek their heads around the door of their respective bedrooms but she gestures for them to step back inside. They do so, but not before they have drunk in the scene. She realises this will be discussed before any of them go back to bed, but she doesn't care. She's been through playing the cold-hearted woman for half a year. It's time more people see the warmer side to her, she thinks.
When she steps into Harry's newly-chosen bedroom, she finds him thrashing on the bed. On instinct, she moves towards him. Staying clear of the fists swinging in every possible direction, she speaks slowly and calmly.
"Wake up, Harry. It's a bad dream, darling, nothing but a bad dream. Wake up," she implores a second time, more strongly.
Harry opens his eyes then, focusing on Sirius and her. She moves closer and feels Sirius fall into step with her. Sirius moves to the farthest side of the bed and sits down and she copies his movements.
In an unusual turn of events, Harry turns towards her and extends a hand; this effectively leaves Sirius to sit behind the younger man and comfortingly pat his back as she squeezes Harry's fingers reassuringly. She doesn't understand why he doesn't present his back to her and faces Sirius, but she won't ask. She doesn't really need to know, as she will give the comfort he seeks readily.
All three of them are silent for a long time, their breathing the only sound in the room. Minerva lets Harry hold on to her and doesn't object when he rests his head in her lap. Sirius shifts with him, unable to do anything else without taking his hand off Harry, which is probably the last thing Sirius wants to do.
"I could feel him inside my head. Voldemort. He showed me… he showed me pain and loss. But I could hear professor Dumbledore speak as well, telling me it would help to think of how different we are. So I thought of Ron, Hermione and Ginny to remind myself I have friends where he doesn't. And I thought of you, to remind me that love is more powerful than hate. Because you guys are the two most loving people I know," Harry admits in a small, barely audible voice.
From the corner of her eye, she sees Sirius looking at her, obviously taken aback by those words. Harry's always been okay with their relationship, but this is a very personal and meaningful thing to say. She's a little taken aback as well, but she succeeds in hiding it; there's no need to have that particular conversation right now. She's not sure she can even find the words to continue the conversation as is. Fortunately, Sirius makes it unnecessary for her to speak.
"I'm glad we could help, even if neither one was exactly by your side. I'm not sure I deserve that; I've done more than a few things I'm not proud of. Minerva has, too, but at least she had the excuse of fighting a war. But enough of that; that's a conversation for another night," Sirius tells Harry gently.
Harry nods, not moving his head out of Minerva's lap. She cards her fingers through his hair to help him settle as he closes his eyes again, and she catches Sirius's eye for a second. The gratitude that she's helping him help Harry is so clear in those grey orbs she can't do anything but smile a little.
"Will you stay until I sleep? Both of you?" Harry asks, not looking at either one of them but pressing more firmly against Minerva as he speaks. Again, the fear of being denied that small bit of comfort is there, and it makes Minerva's heart ache.
"Of course we will. We would have done that even if you hadn't asked," she says as she drapes her free arms around Harry. She wants him to feel as sheltered as possible, knowing from experience it will help ward of any further nightmares. She's had more than her fair share of them, as has Sirius.
A few minutes later, Harry is asleep again. She carefully places his head on the pillow before levering herself off the bed. Sirius is by her side in an instant. Together they leave the room after taking one last look at the now sleeping form in the bed.
As soon as they are tucked into bed once more, Sirius on his back and her head on his chest this time, she speaks. There's something on her mind that won't let her find her peace if she doesn't deal with it right now. And they are both awake, which won't be the case for much longer.
"I hope you didn't mind Harry turning his back on you before, so to speak. I expected him to wrap himself around you and not let go until he was ready," she says, listening to the beating of Sirius's heart. The sound will soon lure her into sleep, but not before she has spoken to her partner about this.
"Harry has many men in his life who care about him: Albus, Arthur, Remus and myself. Women are a lot more scarce. Molly cares about him, yes, but it's not the same as it is with you. She has her own children, and he feels like he's taking her away from them when he demands her time. And you're different from her, you know how strong he really is. You don't treat him like he's a baby anymore, you see he's nearly an adult. He sees a kind of mother figure in you, I guess," Sirius says, his chin coming to rest on the top of her head.
She stays silent as Sirius's voice dies away, feeling utterly surprised. She's never considered Harry to feel more for her than the affection that comes with her being his godfather's partner. She's never considered the possibility that indeed he has found in her some kind of maternal figure, something he's had to miss his entire life. But maybe he does think of her like that, as he sees Sirius as something akin to a father.
"I think I should talk to him about that, don't you? I need to figure out what he considers me to be now, and if he thinks of me as a mother than he'll probably need assuring that's fine with me. I just don't think he does," she says, closing her eyes. She is tired and there's little to be done about all of this now.
"Don't go selling yourself short, Minerva. You might be surprised when you talk to him," Sirius says, drawing or writing something on the skin of one of her arms.
Because she knows there's nothing to be said, she keeps silent. A few minutes later, Sirius's breathing is evening out and his heart beats a little more slowly beneath her ears. She too lets herself be dragged beneath the surface of sleep for the second time, hoping to rest for another few hours.
But her sleep is disturbed a few more times that night. Not only because Harry has more nightmares, but also because in her dreams she's having the conversation she's just talked about having with him.
When morning comes and she sleepily rubs her eyes before getting ready for breakfast, she decides she should really get things over with as soon as possible. She thinks Harry might need answers as much as she does.
So maybe next weekend would be a good time. After all, most of the students would be in Hogsmeade then, as it's the last time they can go before the summer holidays start. And Harry won't mind spending some more time with her instead of going to Zonko's or anything of the sort. He's done it before, and at those occasions he was always very happy about it.
She smiles, thinking it's all settled. And of course hoping she won't be opening a can of worms she had better left closed. After all, that's entirely possible, isn't it?