Title: Middle Earth Journals: Rumil

Rating: PG

Genre: Humour

WARNING: I overdosed on Cadburys again!

Beta: None

Cast: Rumil. (Mentioned: Haldir, Orophin Galadriel, Celeborn & Fellowship)

Disclaimer: I own no-one from The Lord Of The Rings. All the characters and place names displayed belong to JRR Tolkien. I do not intend to, nor am I making any financial gain from the writing of this story.

Feedback: Yes please! We "aspiring" authors thrive on the stuff.

Timeline: Book-Verse (Is that a word?)

Summary: Rumil's Diary from just before the Fellowship's arrival in Lorien, and just after.

Day 254: Heard yells coming from second floor bathroom this morning. Suspect someone nicked Haldir's bath suds again. Know I will be blamed.

Day 255: Was right. Bath suds missing. Am no.1 suspect. Will get Orophin back for this.

Day 256: Am plotting Orophin's downfall. All going well. Found lizard in rhododendron bush this morning.

Later

Confronted by big brother about missing bath suds. Told him I was not to blame and to go and see Orophin. Brother stormed off. Don't think he believed me.

Day 257: Come to the conclusion I need a hobby so am keeping lizard for a pet. All well.

Day 258: Have named lizard Squishy. Still plotting. Weather continues charming.

Day 259: Morning: Off to the borders. Sneaked Squishy in tunic. Hope no- one noticed.

Afternoon: Am v'bored. Legs dead and Squishy restless. Am resisting urge to throw something at Orophin's head. He glows too much.

Day 260: Found Squishy eating Haldir's tunic. Hal not pleased and brought up bath suds topic again. He needs a hobby. Suggested the concept to him. Am now nursing painful bump on head.

Day 261: Adament big brother will get a hobby. Borrowed quilt making book from library for him. Don't think he was impressed. Orophin's downfall plot going v'well.

Day 262: Accidentally left Squishy on windowsill. Squishy eaten by bird. Am v'sad.

Day 263: Guarding borders again. Bored and tired. Told off by Hal for yawning. Am wondering if anyone knows he still sucks his thumb.

Day 264: Stayed home today. Brothers guarded borders and ambushed by wolves. No-one hurt. Am v'miffed. Nothing exciting ever happens when I'm there. Orophin's downfall plot nearly finished.

Day 265: Orophin's downfall plot failed. Fell in Nimrodel. V'wet and annoyed. Was laughing stock. Now plotting Galadhrim's downfall. Suspect this may not work.

Day 266: Morning: Guarding borders. Mournful looking group appeared. Finally got chance to point bow at something. Chose fuzzy-footed Halfling who nearly wet himself. Feel v'important. Life is good.

Afternoon: Stood looking important in front of Fellowship. Galadriel did strange mind-reading trick again. Seriously hope she didn't read my mind as am planning surprise birthday party for her.

Day 267: Have ordered new stock of air fresheners. Humans never heard of bathing or mouthwash for that matter. Am v'concerned, for sense of smell has already begun to deteriorate due to somewhat wiffy human odour.

Day 268: Saw Boromir and Aragorn fighting over control of hobbit boat. Boromir pushed in river. Aragorn strangely smug.

Day 269: Fellowship has gone. Celeborn has invested in a new Jacuzzi to help him rehabilitate. Seems taking care of hobbits and delicately perfumed humans has taken its toll. Poor guy. Have strategically placed air fresheners over Lorien as human odour quite overpowering. Attempts to get big brother a hobby still unsuccessful.

Day 270: Galadriel still moping around. Suspect she may be missing hobbit company. Finally managed to get big brother into cooking. Wish I hadn't as my stomach didn't seem to agree with stuffed green peppers.

Day 271: Haldir's cooking must be really bad. Up all night in the bathroom bent over toilet. Told Orophin about this. He chucked his out the window when Hal wasn't looking. Humph! Still feeling groggy.

Day 272: Galadriel glowing again. Celeborn's Jacuzzi broke. Told him he should never trust hand-made products from Moria. Got death glare in response. Why does no one ever appreciate my opinion? Feeling much better.

Day 273: All is well again. Haldir given up cooking and turned to quilt making. (Knew he'd look at that book eventually). Have successfully bribed Galadriel to let me have a new bow as other rather old and decrepit. Go me! Life is good and strange odour has finally gone! Going tomorrow to practise with said new bow. Secretly hoping it will make me shoot better than Orophin.

FIN