Longing
by DiamondsandPearls51
Gilligan stood staring haplessly out of his fourth floor apartment window. It felt like the walls were beginning to close in on him. He needed air. Presently, the first mate sluggishly rose from his sofa after lounging on it for hours, intently staring into space. At length, he decided to take a peek at what was happening outside on this gloomy Saturday morning.
As he gazed out at the inclement weather, needles of water pelted hard against the windowpane from the force of the gusty winds, leaving a multitude of tiny raindrops on it. Some drops magically formed into long streams, which gradually trickled down the surface of the glass. This melancholy sight reminded him of tears flowing from someone's eyes. Those eyes may just as well have been his own.
As the sound of thunder exploded in the distance, and flashes of blinding light lit up the gray horizon, the former sailor warily glanced down at his clock which sat on a nearby table. The monotonous rhythm of its ticking, was only a constant reminder to him of the time he lost, living each day without her.
Eleven a.m., it read. Pennsylvania time. He wondered what time it was in Winfield, Kansas.
That stupid, painful lump was beginning to form again in his throat. The more he swallowed, the more it hurt. Is this what regret feels like when it takes form in your throat? Humph! Never mind the throat, what about the heart? His gentle heart became shards of glass after he hugged her for the last time and they parted ways.
It had been eight months since the castaways' rescue, and he was still sincerely missing her.
Only the vivid memory of what her soft brunette hair smelled like, stood out foremost in his thoughts now.
It was the enticing scent of an exotic island flower she often used to give her shampoo a delightful aroma. He remembered how he often smelled it before he even saw her.
He couldn't focus on anything else.
Her wonderful aura still lingered in the atmosphere around him. Of all the castaways, she was the one who showed him the greatest patience and kindness. The sailor remembered how he would often volunteer to help her make coconut cream pies, just to be near her.
Many times, when her back was turned to him, he would slowly reach out and touch a strand of her silky brown hair, ever so softly, being very cautious not to make her aware of what he was doing. How he would have died if she ever found out!
He never admitted his true feelings to her. He couldn't. Once he tried, but his words got in the way and he stopped himself immediately, never getting to the point and sadly ending with an, "I...I... think I hear the Skipper...call... calling me," type of remark.
Then he would run off at lightening speed to go hide in the crew's hut until dinnertime, with the color in his cheeks closely matching his flaming red shirt.
Since then, he had been cringing at the thought of how badly he bombed with her that day.
His teasing and taunting psyche refused to let him forget the painful incident.
She never mentioned it, and behaved like nothing ever happened. She didn't seem to think any less of him since then. They continued to be friends, going fishing and swimming together, as he privately continued to yearn for a more intimate relationship with her.
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When the rain finally ceased that afternoon, he thought he would take a leisurely walk to the corner café and sit in a secluded, dimly lit area of the shoppe, to be alone with his thoughts. He took a pen and some paper with him to write a letter to her. Since leaving the island, they often kept in touch in this manner.
Over the course of a few months, he feverishly read and reread the letters she sent him so far, earnestly hoping to pick up on some hidden message of love she may have placed in her correspondence. But, sadly, there was none. The letters were always friendly, like a sister merely writing to her brother, telling him of what life was like on a rural farm with an Uncle George and an Aunt Martha.
How this frustrated him so!
"Darn it, Mary Ann!" The sailor often cried, "I don't care about farming, confess your love for me, already!"
Yes, deep within his innocent heart, he believed she felt the same way about him. When they were back on the island, he saw it plainly in her lovely brown doe eyes. But since he had been too chicken hearted to reveal his true feelings, even in his written communications with her, he strongly hoped she would be the first to make an admission of love.
Upon entering the café, the forlorn first mate immediately found the perfect quiet spot near a window. There, he could look out and reflect on this brave new world which had changed tremendously during the fifteen years he was marooned.
Shortly, a waitress brought him a cup of piping hot coffee. He blew on it, and sipped it, while he watched people walk to and fro from their destinations. Even on a slow weekend, they seemed to be always in a hurry to get nowhere.
After a while, it looked like the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds.
Gilligan took another slow sip of the hot liquid and retrieved the pen and folded piece of paper from his jacket pocket. He decided then and there that a person only lived once, and that he would be a fool if he did not take the initiative and declare his love for the farm girl once and for all. There had been too many perfectly missed opportunities and since he was feeling bold at the moment, he decided to give it a go!
He nervously, yes, nervously put pen to paper. He supposed he would always harbor nervousness inside whenever dealing with Mary Ann. The sailor hesitated at first, took a deep breath and then let his bottled up thoughts just flow out of himself, down the length of his arm and on to the sheet of paper. There was no holding him back now.
Gilligan included everything in the letter from missing her, to wanting to be with her, to confessing his deep love for her. He even suggested coming out to Winfield to visit her in the summer. Once he poured out all of his feelings, he smiled with satisfaction.
He stretched his arms, exhaling all of the pent up stress which lived within him for months.
He remembered to bring a stamped envelope with him. He happily scrawled Mary Ann's address on it, tucked the letter inside and sealed it. Now, all he had left to do was mail it.
As he finished the rest of his beverage, he casually turned his attention to a little boy jumping into large puddles while he strolled along with his mother. Then, a young lady walked by, briefly blocking his view of mother and son.
She caught him by surprise. He thought he recognized her in that instant. But no...it couldn't be...! Brunette pigtails and all?
But Mary Ann would never visit his home town without telling him she was going to be in the neighborhood! Or, had he been imagining things? He had to find out for certain!
He rapidly finished his coffee, left a tip for the waitress, then headed into the breezy outdoors. The girl was already two long blocks ahead of him. She wore a beige raincoat and carried a closed up umbrella which had a gingham design on it. The bows in her hair which held her pigtails in place were of the same pattern.
This had to be the woman he loved! There was no mistaking it! He ran speedily towards her, calling her name.
"Mary Ann!...Mary Ann!" The woman just kept on walking quickly on her way, never looking back once to see who was calling.
When Gilligan finally caught up to her, he was so bold as to take her by the arm to slow her pace.
"Mary Ann!" He uttered the name while he tried to catch his breath. When he ultimately looked into her face, he was met with an expression of fear and surprise, darting from her sharp green eyes.
"Take your hands off of me you creep!" She jerked her arm out from his clutches and made a swift motion, raising her umbrella to wack him, but he nimbly jumped out of the way. He held his hands up in self defense and deeply apologized.
"I'm so sorry." He pleaded. "I thought you were someone I knew."
His sincere apology was only met with a look of disdain and a harsh remark. "BETTER GET GLASSES!" Then she stormed off.
He watched her go. All he could do was just stand there hurt, and in shock. Her reaction made him feel foolish and even more insecure. He knew he was going to have a difficult time readjusting to this strange, mean world he now found himself in. He was too sensitive. Perhaps he would develop a thick skin to help him cope with nasty people over time.
After a short while, he gathered his bearings and slowly walked to a mailbox. That lump was gradually forming in his throat again...a prelude to a good long cry.
He mailed the letter and rushed back to the safety of his apartment building.
He checked his mail, then walked up several flight of stairs. Once inside, he locked his door-he still had to get used to locking doors again. This certainly was no island hut where one could feel free to leave the bamboo portals ajar. He was back in the dangerous city...and he did not like it.
Gilligan warily plopped himself down on his sofa and sifted through his mail. His blue eyes popped open wide when he noticed he received a letter from Mary Ann. Almost immediately, his dark spirits were lifted. He did not hesitate in tearing the envelope open.
There was a note from her,...and something else.
He read the note first.
Dear Gilligan:
How are you? I certainly hope all is well. I miss you very much! (The first mate smiled).
Well, I must tell you that I have some exciting news! I'm getting married! Isn't that wonderful?
His name is Bob, and he's a doctor—a cardiologist! Could you believe it? He has certainly captured my heart!
And do you know what? He reminds me so much of you! You both have the same ocean blue eyes and dimpled smile and soft brown hair. He is the man of my dreams! I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love! I just want to shout it from the rooftops!
There was more to read. But his shattered heart could take no more of this. He peeked at the other crisp sheet of paper which came with the note. It had shiny gold lettering. There was no mistaking it. It was a wedding invitation. You are cordially invited... Gilligan only got as far as those four words, before he swallowed the painful lump in his throat. Then, he burst out into tears and cried bitterly. There would be no more opportunities to declare his undying love.
The End