Hello All! So this is my first attempt at more adult material and Sherlock stuff in general. OOO. So yeah, it's a bit rough but I'd love some REVIEWs, cause they'll just help me be better and also help my sucky writing.

SO SOME WARNINGS- There are triggers later in the story, abuse and rape, so be wary if you don't wish to come across that.

Thank you in advance for reading and I hope you enjoy.

I Remember

(Written in Olive's journal, just a little moleskin she picked up at Barnes and Noble.)

I remember fondly the day I saw him die.

Not that I actually watched him die or anything, but I was watching the news, they said they had found Richard Brook dead on top of a building, shot through the mouth. Suicide. I remember crying, not out of sadness or loss, but with joy and elation that my horrors were over. Richard Brook wasn't this monster's name, only an alias that he used often, I had known it was him the second they uttered the name of the other man who died, jumped from a building, Mr. Sherlock Holmes. I remember the monster talking about him, when we got towards the end of our relationship; the man oddly fascinated him. But I smile, now in this moment, as I remember being free.

I had been a student at University College London, studying Classics; when I met him, and no I will not say his name, I will not even think it. It was in the library in the center of London. He had wanted to use the book that I was reading, I had declined him and, very sassy like, told him to go find another book in the giant library. I remember, he had only smiled a devilish grin, his eyes darkening… almost turning black. I had gotten up, he stood taller than me by about five inches, but his aura of arrogance made him out to be taller. I remember, feeling his eyes watch me as I walked away from him, and sensing him move with his eyes and follow me. I sat down at a study carrel and tried to ignore him.

Have diner with me? He had asked with a sly hint of sarcasm. I remember being flattered, I thought he was attractive; I thought he was a quirky sweetheart.

Sure, um, and your name? I had tried to be confident; His smile had seemed genuine, very different from the one I had witnessed when I had refused him the book.

He had taken my pen right out of my hand, lingering on my fingertips, and whipped out a business card, his hand glided over the paper smoothly as he painted his number and name… a name I wont say here, not even here on a page. It hurts to think or say. It makes him seem real.

But when that fateful night happened I was a different person, a young woman ready to take on the world with her curiosity. Now I am nothing but a scared, shell of a human being. And I can thank him for that.

We had started to date. He was alluring at first, but he understood me wanting to take it slow, being at the time I was new to the country, just having moved from America and I was a virgin.

I remember his face when I had told him that, when I had told him I had never had a man before. He was surprised, but he had smiled his devilish grin and held me to him as he whispered that I could have him, all of him and only him.

I didn't even suspect he was being completely honest.

We dated for five months, after two I had given him my virginity… if there is one good thing I can say about him, it's that he was a beast in the bedroom, an expert at everything and wasn't shy about it. And for a while there I thought I was falling in love with him. But he didn't know what love was, he saw love as possession and fear, he wanted me to be his and no one else's. I was young, so damn young, and I had started to become intimidated by his lust, his need for power. I soon became sick of being called my pet, Kitten, and when he said you're mine. As if I was a doll of his to be toyed with and then set on the shelf until he had need of me again.

I was given and opportunity that spring to go to Greece for a year to study a newly discovered manuscript with one of my professors. So instead of tying myself to a man in London I decided to break up with him. I remember walking into his apartment in Westminster and telling him that I was leaving, I remember telling him that we were over and I was going to move on. He tried to tell me he loved me, that I couldn't leave him, that he wouldn't let me.

Fair to say I was terrified. I remember, he grabbed me and threw me against the wall of his apartment, not in the sensual, sexy way he had before, but with force and anger. Right there and then he told me who he really was, what he really did, the horrible nature of his work. I had shrunk to the floor, away from him and that was the first time I saw him as a monster. His eyes had been black and angry. His fury unleashed, and suddenly in the blink of an eye, he was lifting me from my teary, fetal position and into his arms, back to the kind lover I had known. I remember those arms being strong and protective, I had used to feel safe in them, but at that moment I wanted to push them away, to run away from his minty, polished smell, to never see that face again.

I took what chance I could, as he reached down to lift my chin, to kiss me; I punched with all my force into his stomach. Since he didn't expect such violence he fell, the wind pushed out of him. I remember running for the door, twisting the handle and feeling his iron grip wrap around my wrist. I broke it as I ripped it from his grasp. My legs had never moved that fast in my life. I ran to the stairs and in the stair well I remember hearing the door clang open as I scurried down the flights, and I had looked up, he smiled down at me. I remember how his eyes took hold of mine; I swear his eyes were tearing up. If it's a chase you want, my love, it's a chase you'll get. But remember. Remember who I am and what it is I do, and think twice about running too far. Because I will find you and drag you back here. You are mine. The last words fell off his lips slowly and he enunciated each one as if to make sure I understood. And I fully did.

I never wanted to see him again, and a part of me knew that was false hope.

Thanks for reading! Review review review and I'll post the next chapter tomorrow if I can.