Ease
It's spring, and the cherry blossoms are blooming.
I walked towards the palace, and heard several people laughing.
What was so funny? What was going on? I blinked as I approached the voices.
Turning past a corner, I saw a group of men sitting at a small table.
One was my brother-in-law, Master Cao Zhi. He seemed quite happy, which suited him.
He was nothing like my husband, that stern Cao Pi. Somehow, Zhijian seemed so easygoing.
--
I held my goblet of wine, and, with both of them by my side, I felt I could stay sitting here...
Forever...
Somehow, I feel comfortable with this guy, even though he's the son of the Prime Minister.
He might be a Cao, but he sure doesn't act like a Cao.
Xiong's pompous and tends to shy away from 'inferiors,' which is why the sick bastard is alone.
"Ding Yi, let's go to that bar at the edge of town!" He'd call me, with a smile.
Those servants of his would stare at me with open mouths, and look at him like he was crazy.
But he doesn't care...
He's a good friend, that Cao Zhi, and I don't think anyone can find someone more friendly.
--
Sometimes I look at my little brother, and I wonder...
Can people find happiness outside of war or power?
I fear him, I really do... He's just so happy...
Zhang feels the heat of battle, and it makes him feel comfortable. He's simple enough.
Xiong stays in his room, gloating over his possessions, and that's understandable.
But Zhi, I cannot understand him. Why does he always have that smile?
He has hardly anything compared to me... His old friend Yang Xiu is dead, killed by father.
He's the Governor of a questionable city, one that people would gladly spit on.
Yet he remains so happy...
That happiness... Will it make others look at me less? Will my reputation be ruined by him?
I fear him... I fear that joy... It makes me sick.
--
My son is dead.
Cao Chong, my genius of a boy, is gone...
And yet, in him, I can see traces of his younger brother...
Zhi is quite bright, a genius of a poet.
Furthermore, he's so cheerful and easygoing.
Pi inherited my ambition, Zhang, my strength, Xiong, my love for wealth.
But Zhi seems so different from all of them...
I often see Pi staring at his younger brother, with a confused expression on his face.
I'd have to agree... Why is he so different?
--
I'm lived my life with damning expectations.
People curse me in the streets for being a Cao, then they hide behind something, praying that I didn't hear them.
But I'm not like my brothers. People call me irresponsible, but I just want to read some poems, drink some tea, or sleep under a pine.
I don't give a damn about politics. I'm a poet, not a liar.
To control others is pointless, for people aren't stupid enough to let you control them.
Those whom you can manipulate are simply idiots, and it would be evil for you to pull their strings.
That's why I'm not my father, nor am I like my brothers. I am Cao Zhi...
A poet, a wanderer, a tea-judge, a man among the people.
So stop telling me what I should do, you fawning bureaucrap.
Stop forcing me to be what I am not.
I am Cao Zhi, I am different, and because of that, well, I am normal.
Let me be.