Disclaimer: I do not own The Bartimaeus Trilogy or anything related to it. That belongs to Jonathan Stroud and any other copyright holders. Please don't sue. I am, but a poor 15 year old with about 5 dollars to my name.

Note: This is my first Fanfic ever…And it was written in one English class period (45minutes) please be kind.

Summary: Just a short drabble because I was distraught over the ending of Ptolemy's gate. Bartimaeus broods over the death of the only two masters he ever cared about. Obviously spoilers for Ptolemy's gate if you haven't read it! Number is between parenthasies are footnotes...I tried to make it seem like Bartimaeus.

"Nathaniel finished the dismissal. I went. The staff broke." –Bartimaeus Trilogy, Ptolemy's Gate pg. 501

Nathaniel. Again I was thinking of that wretched boy! Even in the other place he continued to torment me(1). Just the thought of him made me reel. Again not the same kind of nausea that used to come with every thought of him, it was more like a tug on the heart(2). I haven't felt quite like this since Ptolemy and the feeling was not pleasant in the least. The whole other place seemed to take on a whole melancholy drabness when I felt this way(3). To make matters worse I can't even brood in peace. I had known why Ptolemy had saved me and I understood his sacrifice. What we had was special, unique even. Our bond was, no is eternal. Ptolemy gave his life for me and in return I allow his memory to live on with me when I take his form on earth. Now over two thousand years after Ptolemy's death a new master, Nathaniel, made the same sacrifice…gave me life. Why? This is one thing that I don't understand(4).

I should have seen it coming. Maybe I did, but Nathaniel was nothing like Ptolemy had been, yet their fate was the same. Thinking about it now, the boy that summoned me six years ago had been very unpredictable. His whole plan to get that blasted amulet almost cost us both of our lives. And again with the golem, almost got us killed. Those times I could have killed him myself I was so annoyed, but this time…this time I was ready to die beside him. Oh the bitter irony! Just a mere six years ago I would have left him in a second(5)! But then…I was content. I was all sized up and ready for the heroic death(6) and then he dismisses me! What am I supposed to do about that? How am I supposed to take that? I'm grateful of course, but I can't tell him that now can I? Not that I would. So what's this feeling? The…emptiness?

Like I said, I've only felt this was for Ptolemy and that was understandable. Ptolemy was compassionate, kind, wise, and a dear friend to me. Nathaniel, on the other hand, had almost killed me numerous times, kept me on Earth far too long, abused me, used me, and…saved my life. He didn't even let me say thanks and if I had time I would have gladly shared my opinions with him(7). First I would have told him that he was a cheeky brat, rash and inconsiderate to his obvious superiors(8), he was foolish and a snot-nosed prissy magician, and he had bad hair too. Second I'd make him apologize for every mission, empty threat, and second I'd been forced to spend with him on Earth. And lastly…lastly I'd tell him what a great master he was. He was no Ptolemy of course, but we had gone through a lot together. And in a way I watched him grow up, I watched him lose himself and become the tyran,t John Mandrake, then return to the boy, Nathaniel, that I first met. I suppose…we did have a bond of sorts. Not like Ptolemy and mine…yet not unlike it either.

If I had died would I have been able to see Ptolemy again? Would he have been unchanged? Would Nathaniel be there? He probably would be just to aggravate me for eternity. Maybe he and Ptolemy are together wherever you go when you die. Or maybe they were simply blown away and lost like the sands of Egypt in the wind. I know either way I have a feeling akin to love for both.

1) Not the same way as on earth mind you i.e. death missions, threats of the shriveling fire, silver boxes, and just plain old being around him was torture enough, but you get the idea.

2)Not that us Jinn have hearts. I just had to say something you humans could relate to.

3) In the Other place we are all one and the same so in reality it probably did take on some sort of dreariness because of me.

4) After 5,000 years of dealing with humans they become pretty predictable

5)Don't look at me like that. How do you think I've survived for 5,000 years?

6) Which is not nearly as great as it's hyped up to be. Believe you me.

7) He made sure he shared his thought on me…the nerve.

8)I mean me of course. He did a rather nice job of sucking up to that Prime minister of his...ex-prime minister excuse me.

Author's Note: So what did you think? Pretty lame I know, but it was a first attempt. Reviews would be appreciated. ) Thank you for reading!

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