Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama.
Also, this fic was inspired by a Buzzfeed post, called '23 things that teenagers say and what they actually mean'. I read the article, and after realizing that I said little to none of it, got inspired ^^
It was lunch time at Wawanakwa High, and Chef Hatchet's least favorite time of day. Hundreds of teenagers filled the cafeteria, gossiping to their friends and complaining about the food that was served to them. There, Chef stood, dropping what looked liked mashed potatoes on every plate that passed by, chastising the students and waiting for the bell to rang. The line seemed to be extra long today.
Currently waiting for their lunch were two moronic teenagers, dressed in matching outfits and attempting to take selfies with each other, holding up the line. The two were making stupid kissy faces at one of their cell phone cameras, while Chef waited for one of them to drop their plate and leave. Finally, they seemed to take a picture that they deemed acceptable.
"Ohmigosh, Katie we look totally cute!" The larger of the two gushed.
"I know, right? I'm like, gonna M'upload that ish tomorrow for like tbt to today!" M'upload that Ish? Chef Hatchet looked at them like they were aliens.
"EEEEEE! That is like such a good idea!"
"I know we look totes hot in it!"
"EEEE! You guys took a good picture, right?" Chef Hatchet interrupted.
"YAAAASSSSSS!"
"Ohmigosh, me and my bestie are like hashtag cute in it!" Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Idiot chimed in.
"You know what you should do now?"
"Like what?"
"PUT YOUR PLATES DOWN, SO I CAN GIVE YOU YOUR DANG FOOD AND QUIT HOLDIN' UP THE LINE." He screamed at the pair. Both dropped their trays in fear and grumbled about Chef being "mad mean" afterwards.
After the wonder twins had left, some idiot wearing a cowboy and a punk with a neon green mohawk came through, smelling of weed and talking about girls.
"I can't fuckin' wait for Sprang Break, dude. I'm gonna get mad turnt with Bridge and crash a couple of parties down in Cali." The blonde one said, laughing to himself afterwards.
"'Sprang Break?' What the heck is 'sprang break'?" The large man mumbled to himself. Despite Chef not wanting an answer at all, the stoned party boy decided to answer anyways.
"'Sprang Break' is like 'Spring Break', brah. The fam and I go down to the states every year but this time I'm goin' with my girl and we are gonna turn up!" He grinned at the man.
"That is stupid. You youths need to toughin' up and stop saying such prissy phrases," he said looking at the blonde. "And learn some discipline," Chef added glancing at the pierced punk in line with the cowboy hat wearing fool.
"OHHHHHH Hatchet is throwin' shade at you, Dunc," the party boy said, laughing his ass off.
"Well, if you're done, General, you have some food to serve…" Duncan reminded, with a smirk. Chef dropped a scoop of goop onto Geoff's plate, and went in for Duncan's, only to have the punk pull it out last minute and the 'food' that Hatchet had spent the morning making splatter onto the floor. His high friend thought it was hilarious.
"BOY, SOME BOOT CAMP WILL DO YOU GOOD. BACK IN MY DAY-" Chef Hatchet began to rant, only to have the two teenagers leave mid sentence. Punks.
The next clique of teenagers, weren't much better than the previous. A bitchy looking Asian girl led the pack, followed by her two sidekicks.
"OMG, Heather! You're shoes are like hashtag cute!" The blonde one complimented her friend.
"Aren't they doe?" The short, nerdy girl seconded, while Heather nodded in approval at the compliment.
"Yeah, they are like so Colbchella boho!" Chef had no idea what that meant, but he was growing more and more irritated at the fact that the moron wouldn't stick her stupid tray down.
"I know right? I saw that Forever 22 was having a sale for their Tweeter followers and I like, had to go there."
"IF YOU BRATS ARE DONE GOSSIPING ABOUT THE SHOES WILL YOU STICK YOUR DARN TRAYS DOWN AND GET TO MOVIN' ON?"
"Wow, rude much?" The short one commented.
"Ikr! Why don't you like shut up and continue serving us this slop that you think passes as food while complaining about how it's not the 1960s or whatever and never talk to us again. Amirite, ladies?" Heather ranted, her two sidekicks nodding at her words. "Let's swerve, girls." Just then, she stepped on the food left over from Chef's scuffle with Duncan. It was as if time stopped in teenage girl world.
"Oh no, why did the grumpy Chef leave dat on the floor?" the idiot blonde asked as a string of curse words left Heather's mouth.
"I know! I just bought these stupid shoes too! This is so stupid I can't even!" She whined.
"Oooh! Queen B over there got told!" a loud and proud girl called out to her friends from the back of the line, laughing her ass of at Heather's misfortune.
"You wanna go, homegurl?"
"Girl, I've been on dat gym grind! I can take you!"
"KK, you can like, try, to take on Heather, Laquisha, but she is like super mad about her shoes and is legit scary right now!"
"Gurl, I do not care if Queenie over there is mad about a ten dollar pair of shoes, She's been subtweeting me and my crew for days now. It's about time to settle it!" To respond to that, Heather threw a spoonful of goop at Leshawna, only to have the girl retaliate by lifting Chef's entire container of 'mashed potatoes' and dumping it onto the queen bee. Laughter rang throughout the cafeteria, along with comments about how 'owned' and 'chirped' Heather was.
Geoff, thinking that every moment was a good time to have a party, screamed out "FOOD FIGHT!" and soon the entire place was a hashtag mess with food being flung in every direction and bratty teenage girls screaming about their hair and running for cover.
It wasn't until class president Courtney Martinez, annoyed by her yphone getting covered in someone's half-eaten mush, pulled the fire alarm that it ending, with Chef Hatchet being busy pulling Heather and Leshawna off of each other.
After lunch had passed, the principal, Chris Mclean wandered into the cafeteria and determined that the junior class would help him clean up the canteen in detention. The former war veteran groaned, not wanting to listen to a bunch of brats talk about how 'totes stupid' their punishment was. The only thing that made it bearable was Chris telling his companion that he can throw in a boot camp afterwards, and maybe teach the teenagers some discipline.
A/N: I really hope that all of the slang used gave you a bit of a headache.
I use slang words, we all do, but I hope it's not nearly to that extent.
The only two that I missed on the Buzzfeed article were 'flannel Friday' and 'Swag Money', and all of the characters are slightly ooc in this.
Having said that, I just felt like picking on the post a bit, and I thought it was funny, amirite, ladies?
Also, have any of you ever used 'M'upload that ish'? Because, it was on the list and I have literally never heard it used in a sentence before.
Anyways, thanks for #reading!
Jen~
Update 5/22/2014: Hi guys, M'upload that ish is like a mobile upload, so pretty much just taking a picture on your cellphone or whatever and posting it on Twitter ^^
Sorry not Sorry* for the confusion!
*I am sorry