Prank Wars
The gentle pitter-patter of water echoed across the room. Everything was peaceful, that is, until a loud shriek shattered the calm atmosphere. Mild mannered Light Yagami had been in the process of showering, but he was now staring down at the floor in horror. The once lustrous locks that had been Light's pride and joy were now scattered on the floor and not on his head like they rightfully should have been. With trembling hands Light grabbed the shampoo bottle and undertook the money wasting deed of dumping all of the contents onto the floor. Just as he had feared, he was met not with the sweetly scented brand name hair product, but with the putrid cream that could only be identified as Nair. This is L's doing. He came to the conclusion in his panic, even though there was really no evidence to back this up. Light was right of course, but he was still not thinking as clearly as usual all the same. "I'll get you for this, L," he growled.
Light walked into the Task Force headquarters building, a hoodie covering his now bald head. "Hello, L," he greeted the detective pleasantly. "Care for a cookie? They're really good." Light happily munched away on the Oreo-esque treats, as if trying to prove the validity of the superiorly wonderful flavor of this particular cookie brand. He held one out.
L looked at the cookie suspiciously, but took it from Light (with caution, of course) anyway. He began nibbling on it despite his qualms, after all, who was he to deny a perfectly good cookie? It might hurt the poor little sweet's feelings. "LDSKGJBFK!" An inhuman sound erupted from L's mouth when the taste of toothpaste instead of sugar tickled his taste buds. "Blehhh…" L tried to spit it all out, but he had accidentally swallowed everything in his haste. "Thanks to you, my mouth has never been cleaner," he wheezed dramatically, clutching at his throat in terror. "That was low, even for you, Light. You know how I feel about sweets!" L shook a disapproving finger at Light, who was chomping away on the rest of the cookies, simply watching the amusing scene unfold.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Light said innocently, brushing crumbs from his lap before getting up to go work on his computer.
L grit his teeth, but then opted for clenching his fists to express his anger as gritting his teeth made the taste in his mouth that much worse. "Oh, it's on…"
Poor Watari. Poor, poor, poor, unsuspecting Watari.
L had needed another victim, so he had gone with the person closest to him, the one who was supposed to be keeping a close eye on his food intake.
The only sound in the building was the clacking of keys and occasional low murmur when L suddenly set the audio in Watari's room to play everywhere. "Britain, Great Britain, empire~" spilled from the speakers. It was tea time and the oblivious Watari continued his small tea party, never stopping in his song about Great Britain. "Britain, small Britain, empire~" The old man hummed to himself. Matsuda yelped and hid under the table, the loud noise having frightened him. Light facepalmed. "Now, one lump or two, Miss Betsy?" Watari inquired of his favorite stuffed animal by the name of Miss Betsy. Aizawa twitched, his face turning red both from anger and from trying not to laugh.
Watari didn't find out what had happened until later, but when he did, he was furious. "How dare you intrude on me and Miss Betsy's private tea party like that, Master L! You were not invited, and you most definitely never will be!" He slammed the door in L's face, his mustache bristling with anger (Yes, Watari's moustache has a mind of its own). "I'll show them…"
"I'm so glad you could make it, Mr. Yagami. Please, sit down." Watari gestured to the seat across from him.
"Er, yes, thank you." Soichiro took a seat. He had no idea why the elderly inventor had called him here, but he had said it was urgent.
"I won't waste your time with pleasantries – No, I'll just get right down to it. I regret to inform you that L is dating your daughter. More explicitly, your underage daughter."
Soichiro's jaw dropped. "He's what?" Greatest detective in the world or not, L was still at least 10 years Sayu's senior, give or take a few years. Besides, he would never let Sayu date someone with L's profession. "But-but how?"
Watari just shook his head sadly. "I'm so sorry, if I had only known sooner I might have been able to stop them. I saw them when I was out grocery shopping earlier today. They were talking about…possibly eloping." He paused, as if it was too painful to go on and he just needed a moment. "Thankfully, they didn't see me," he said, quickly "recovering." "Excuse me, I'll go make us some tea." Watari put on the tearful, old, British man act, scurrying off to make the tea.
Soichiro nodded, disturbed. He got up and began pacing back and forth. Anyone who dares to fraternize with my daughter shall pay. Making up his mind, he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "I'm sorry, Watari, but I really must be off. Thank you!" Soichiro yelled over to Watari, who was busy humming and preparing tea.
"Not at all; cheerio!" Watari replied, grinning creepily. Just as planned.
Soichiro uncapped the pen, violet sparks flying from the tip as he scribbled furiously on the piece of parchment with newfound ferocity. The way he wrote was almost as fabulous as Light or Mikami's writing. Soichiro always knew he was destined for something greater. He stood back to survey his forged writing, taking pride in the way he dotted his i's with hearts.
Dearest Matsuda, Please meet me at the diner on Uraki Street at 7:00 tonight. We need to talk. Love, Sayu.
Soichiro chuckled evilly. "Now to put it on Matsuda's desk! This'll teach him to keep away from my daughter!" He sneaked over to Matsuda's desk and slipped the letter into one of the compartments. He glanced over his shoulder and tiptoed over to the corner to wait for Matsuda, whistling and trying to act natural all the while.
When Matsuda saw the letter, he whooped for joy. "Oh boy!" He exclaimed, quickly clapping a hand over his mouth and tucking the letter into his suit's inner pocket, looking left and right to make sure the chief or anyone else hadn't seen the letter.
~Hours Later~
"Aw man," Matsuda glanced down at his watch, "stood up again." It was an hour past 7 and still no sign of Sayu. He read the letter over again to make sure there was no mistake. There wasn't. He sighed. "I bet Aizawa's to blame. He's always yelling at me…Well, I'll show him!" He leapt onto a table, enthusiastic determination in his voice.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step down. This isn't High School Musical…" Randle, one of the teenage employees at the diner, mumbled.
"But I have such a brilliant plan!" Matsuda declared, both his feet still firmly planted on the table.
Randle sighed. "Sir, even if Elvis Presley, the king of rock 'n roll himself, were on top of this table right now, I'd still have to ask him to step down."
"Oh…Right." Matsuda got off the table.
Matsuda couldn't believe it. This was just too good to be true. The eternally grumpy but loveable Aizawa was actually asleep. Matsuda thanked the good Lord he came prepared. He whipped out the shaving cream, feather, and sharpies and set to work. "Tickle, tickle, tickle." Matsuda waved the feather over Aizawa's face (which still looked grouchy, even in sleep) and then ran away to hide. Aizawa swatted at the air around his face, eventually ending up with a faceful of shaving cream. He jerked awake, staring down at his hand and putting two and two together. He ran to the bathroom to look at his face.
"Alright, who's the wise guy?" Aizawa roared, wiping the shaving cream away only to reveal various doodles on his face. If this was a cartoon, steam would be blowing out the top of his head, his eyes would be glowing red – In short, Aizawa was one scary pissed off dude. "Misa," he said in a dangerously low tone of voice, latching onto the person he hated most in the vicinity. "You're gonna pay…"
This was all so scary Matsuda forgot to laugh.
Aizawa smiled at Misa. It was a strained smile, but Misa's stupid, so it really didn't matter. "L told me to take you shopping. He's having a top secret meeting, and he needs the HQ evacuated for the day," he lied in a confidential tone of voice.
"Ohhh," Misa nodded, "don't worry, your secret's safe with me!"
"Uh huh." Aizawa ushered the energetic pop idol to the car, slapping a "kick me, I'm stupid" sign onto her back when she wasn't looking.
All day they got never-ending attention from people, their looks of awe at having seen someone famous usually turning into laughter and jeers once they saw the sign on her back. Some gave Aizawa the thumbs up, others glared at him, one person even went up to him and gave him a high five. Misa miraculously remained unaware until the last minute, when they were pulling back into the Task Force garage.
"Heyyy, what's this?" Misa scratched at her back, peeling away the piece of paper with disgust. "'Kick me, I'm stupid'?" She tilted her head. "Lighttttt~!" She fled the car crying.
Light could feel a headache coming on. "Yes, what is it?"
"Read the sign, some meanie put this on Misa-Misa's back!" Misa wailed, holding out the sign for Light to read.
"Well," Light shrugged, "bad publicity is better than no publicity."
"You were supposed to comfort me!" Misa stomped her feet. "Mochiiii~" Misa ran off to the next best person.
"What's wrong?" Mogi looked down at the distressed girl, not exactly sure what he was supposed to do.
"Read this." Misa shoved the paper over at Mogi and clung to his shirt, still in an obvious state of anxiety.
Mogi quickly scanned the paper, gently prying Misa off of him and sending her to her room before storming over to the main room, where everyone was in the midst of playing Twister. Inappropriate time to be playing games, but hey, when you've got the urge to play Twister, you've got the urge. "Can someone please tell me what's going on!" Mogi waved the sign around like a flag to get everyone's attention. "Now, who is at fault for this?" Mogi asked calmly once he had gotten everyone's attention. He was determined to get to the bottom of this.
"(S)he started it!" Every guilty party pointed to the next until they all ended up collapsing on top of each other. Cries of "I'm too old for this!" and "5%, Light-kun." echoed throughout the room.
"Quiet; one at a time!" Mogi's voice boomed, silencing everyone. "Aizawa, you start." Mogi sank tiredly into a nearby chair, trying to recover from just having spoken the amount of words he usually spoke in a month.
"Misa, the little brat, pranked me, so I decided to have a little revenge, okay?" Aizawa got up off the floor, everyone else following his example.
"Hehehe, I was actually the one who pranked you…" Matsuda spoke up, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "But in my defense, I thought you were the one who pranked me with this letter!" Matsuda tossed the letter onto the table for all to see.
"It was me." Soichiro sighed. "But I feared for my daughter's innocence! Watari told me-"
"Guilty as charged; I was mad at L for pranking me." Watari raised his hands in surrender, using his best British accent 'cause it's impossible to stay mad at a British person.
"What exactly did you tell Mr. Yagami? Something ridiculously unbelievable like me dating his daughter?" L snorted, the thought preposterous to his advanced intellect.
"Well, actually-"
"I believe Light-kun has something to confess as well. Something involving cookies." L switched the subject pointedly, not even wanting to know.
"Well you started it!" Light yelled indignantly. "Why do you think I've been wearing nothing but hoodies all this time?"
"I thought you were just going through a phase." Curious, Soichiro reached for his son's hoodie, but was promptly slapped away.
"Don't look at me, I'm hideous!" Light screeched, tugging the hoodie over his face and crossing his arms.
"So this whole thing started because of L?" It suddenly dawned on Aizawa. Everyone turned to glare at the detective.
"What?" L blinked his large eyes innocently, reaching for his plate of strawberry cake.
"That's all you have to say for yourself?" Mogi chimed in, realizing everybody's need for an apology.
L looked up in thought. "…Yep," he concluded, celebrating the end of this insanity with a bite of cake while each person just groaned at the insomniac's lack of response.
A/N Sorry if this didn't make complete sense; crack fics seldom do. The review button down there sure looks awfully lonely, maybe you should give it some love. ;D Thanks for reading! XD