A Wolfs Cry
Remus took another swig from the fire whisky bottle, falling to the floor, memories running through his mind. His eyes roamed the room, from the photos hanging along his wall, to the large mahogany four-poster bed. Tears began to form in his eyes, and he started sobbing uncontrollably.
Flashbacks of heavy breathing and whispers of love ran on repeat, as if his mind could think of nothing else. He took a swig from the bottle yet again, hoping that the bottle he held would be the one to make him forget. The only sound in the silence was that of the broken man's sobs in the shadows of the half-mooned night. He sat up, placing his elbows on his bent knees, his hands gripping his hair, allowing the bottle to fall to the floor.
Tears fell freely as Remus felt the full effect of being alone in the world.
"...I love you... I love you."
His chest felt as if it was going to burst. He picked up the bottle aggressively, once again trying to take another mouthful and, realizing it was empty, threw the bottle as hard as he could at the wall. The force behind the throw not only shattered the bottle, but one of the picture frames as well. He howled in anger and pain, crawling towards the broken frame, reduced to silence, though tears continue to fall. The picture was of two couples in school uniform, looking as though they hadn't a care in the world. One on the student's hands slid to the behind of the boy in the far left, causing him to blush.
Cursing aloud, Remus shakily stood up, still holding the picture, the shattered bottle all but forgotten. His head started to spin once more as memories washed over him.
He sat in his favorite chair by the fire in the Gryffindor common room, reading a book on the goblin rebellion of 1508 for the third time. Suddenly, he was interrupted by his boyfriend's voice, murmuring suggestively, "Come on it'll be fun. Just the two of us, in the Prefects' bathroom... no one will notice we're gone. Lily and James are quite busy in the Room of Requirement, themselves..." Without being given any time to answer, he was pulled out of the chair and dragged towards the Prefects' bathroom.
Remus' eyes closed, trying to block the image from his mind. A heart wrenching sob escaped his chest, as if it came from the very depth of his soul. He gripped the picture frame like a vice, not caring about the glass cutting into his flesh. His breaths hitched as his lungs try to inhale more oxygen. He pivoted on the spot in search of the cheap wine bottle he swore he bought earlier that day. He cursed once again, realizing that it wasn't there. He stumbled in large drunken strides towards the kitchen. His crying having stopped, he gazed at the brown paper bag which held the key to freedom: freedom of consciousness, memories, heartache and pain.
He opened the kitchen drawer on the right of the sink. He grabbed the well worn cork screw and slammed the drawer shut. Turning and opening the top cupboard, he grasped the closest wine glass. With great concentration, he walked to the kitchen table, nearly falling once, barely making it to the chair by the table.
"We did it for you Remus... so we can howl at the moon with you," said a proud Sirius.
"What how... how did you... you don't hate me?" replied Remus, quietly glancing from one boy to the other.
"Hate you?" snorted Sirius. "Just think of the fun we're going to have! We'll be a pack; we'll take over the forest! It's going to be better than blowing up Snivellus' cauldrons!" he finished passionately.
"Yes," said James, grinning, "you two can even take flea baths together!"
He reached for the bottle and tried unsuccessfully to remove the cork. He started to sweat in desperation, breathing heavily. Finally, after the fourth attempt, he was victorious, and a small smile of relief that didn't reach his eyes showed on his face for a brief second. He messily poured the wine into the glass and onto the table. He swallowed most of it without taking a breath and placed the empty glass heavily on the table. Bowing his head, his hands once again gripped his hair as images whirled through to his mind yet again.
He was sitting under the shade of a tree at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, eating an apple, when a black dog sprinted towards him joyfully, a bag of stink bombs held in its jaw. The dog crouches behind him, as if hiding from something; there is a beat as the large black dog transforms into a handsome young man.
"Sirius, what have you gone and done this time" he asked, smiling in spite of himself.
"Me?" he replies, face full of innocence.
"Yes, you."
"Nothing!" he says, a little too quickly to be believe.
Remus once again broke out in small sobs. He angrily wiped the tears forming in his eyes. Finding the glass pointless now, he grasped the bottle in his injured right hand and swallowed continuously. He heard small footsteps coming from the floor above but took no notice. His eyes lost the little focus they had left as he was swept into yet another bitter memory.
He was lying in his bed in the Gryffindors boys' sixth year dormitory, wide awake. There came a patter of feet and his boyfriend joined him, lying beside him beneath the blankets.
"Sirius, do you have any idea of what time it is?" he asked. Sirius just snuggled closer and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Don't care," Sirius muttered.
He rested his forehead onto the kitchen table, crying, hands still grasping the bottle. Not caring that the spilt wine was now in his hair, he slurred, "Sirius, Sirius", pathetically.
Pajamas lay forgotten on the dormitory floor. He was panting, his back his legs wrapped around his first time lover.
"Sirius, it's not going to hurt is it?" he whispered breathlessly.
He gulped another mouthful of wine.
Whilst walking to his next Transfiguration class with Peter, they were both roughly pulled into an unused class room.
"Sirius...what...are...you...doing!" said Remus still startled.
"We did it, Moony old buddy!" exclaimed Sirius. He noticed that James holding the map they had been working on all year.
"Messrs Padfoot and I would like to present the finally completed Marauders Map!" James yelled excitedly.
The broken man moaned as the heartache increased.
"Can you believe it? Dumbledore's so insane he's actually allowing us to graduate," says a sober Sirius.
"Why aren't you happy? Sirius, just think, you're finally free to use magic outside of school!" said a grinning James.
"Yeah and for what? Can't prank anymore; we've gone as far as a marauder can go... responsibilities and all that," muttered Sirius. "Not going to be fun anymore... no more fun at all."
"Well, at least we'll have each other. Just think, a place to ourselves..." replied Remus shyly. "I mean, that is of course, if you'll have me."
Sirius smiles brightly. "You know, maybe this isn't so bad. I mean, I'd still visit the school, but as long as Remus is with me - with a place to shag as we please - life's going to be fine."
James snorts and whacks him on the shoulder.
He groaned as he tried to lift his head for another sip from the bottle. He accidentally elbowed the wine glass and it shattered on the floor, causing more painful memories to flash through his drunken mind.
He was in the kitchen holding a bottle of wine and two glasses in his hand to set at the dinner table before Sirius arrived home. Suddenly the door was thrown open and Sirius gathered Remus in a passionate kiss.
"Can you believe it! He's gone and done it! I'm going to be a god-daddy!" said Sirius joyously.
Remus grinned and congratulated Sirius, who once again latched onto Remus's mouth. He started to undo his shirt and pushed him onto the table, causing the wine and the two glasses to fall to the floor.
He whimpered and lifted his head, a little depressed by the fact that the wine wasn't helping yet. No longer able to stand being in the kitchen, he groggily he stumbled to the lounge and fell onto the sofa, spilling a little wine on the way. The fire was out and the room cold, sending shivers down his spine.
He woke up and realized the normal comfort of his lover sleeping by his side was gone. He sat up and put on the nearest t-shirt.
He found his lover sitting in the dark.
"He's after them; he's going to get them..." said Sirius harshly.
"Who's after who? Who's getting who...Sirius what's going on?"
"It's Voldemort... he wants James, Lily and even little Harry... bastard," said Sirius angrily, though with a hint of fear. "They suspect a spy within our group... they think it's you," whispered Sirius.
Remus laughed drunkenly and started to speak irrationally to himself.
"Tha--at's all you said for thirteen fucking years... come and go as you please, next thing your hear... the--n... you're dead!"
He threw the bottle at the fire place, shattering it, and broke down once again in sobs.
The sound of footsteps getting closer could be heard, then the whisper of a levitation spell, and he was back. Back in his room, back in the memories, back to where it hurt the most. He heard the whisper of a healing spell and smiled.
He was standing at the entrance of a cave, staring at the man that had been haunting him for years.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry!" he kept repeating. The man in the cave moved closer and wrapped his arms around him.
"I forgive you," he rasped quietly. He lost the strength to stand and sank to the floor. "I missed you," he said, hugging the man fiercely. "I missed you most of all."
The two men clung to each other, sobbing well into the night.
"Soon Sirius... soon I'll join you... but not yet," said Remus, as he succumbed blissfully to unconsciousness.
Finished
In relation to Harry Potter or anything that you recognize is owned by J. K. Rowling
Author's Notes: I would like to thank my beta Hobbitheart as she has not only done a tremendous amount of work but has also inspired me into writing this story. I wish her all the luck in her future writing.
I would like to thank readers for spending the time reading this story