Sexually Charged Batteries

A/N: AU. C/B. After 1x11--school….

Disclaimer: All The CW's/Cecily Von Zieglesar's.

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Library. Before School. January 2nd.2008.

"I'll allow you one talk," she said scornfully, casting her eyes down. "I think that's very generous of me, considering the circumstances."

"Oh, very generous," he agreed sweetly, and it pissed her off massively.

"There's no need to be sarcastic, Basshole, I get your point, you don't think I'm being generous!"

"Saint Blair. Keeper of the peace--"

"Bass--"

"Charity center of social outcasts--"

"Bass--"

"Place of sanctity for us poor mortals....how could I not think of you as generous--"

With difficulty, Blair resisted the urge to kick him in the reproductive area, and managed a gruesome smile. "Please, sit down."

"Well, first and foremost, allow me to congratulate you!"

Blair stared at him blankly.

"On hooking up with Archibald before Christmas break," he clarified. "I mean, when I told him to seal the deal, he really nailed it--"

"Look, if you're not going to be civilized, I'm going!"

"Yes, why aren't you on the steps of the Met with your brainless bunch of Barbie dolls?"

"I had some schoolwork to do."

Chuck glanced at the empty desk in front of her. "Clearly"

"Look, Bass, if you want to verbally spar with me, now is not the time--"

"Aw, what happened to 'Chuck'?"

Blair pushed stray hair out of her increasingly-reddening face. "Fine. Chuck. Look. I need to catch up with Nate--"

"Oh, we both know Nate is in the South of France, yachting with Grandpa Vanderbilt. Good try, though, Blair. I really must commend you on your effort. However, in all fairness, you did sound like a seven-year-old after trying her first drugs--"

"Fine, I didn't want to catch up with Nate! I just want to get away from you!"

"Why the rush?"

Blair set her mouth in firmer lines, gripping her tote bag like it was her gun in war. "You're perverted--"

"Don't pretend like you didn't enjoy every minute of it."

"--Manipulative--"

"As are you."

"Sarcastic--"

"Okay, that was just pathetic."

"Rude, obnoxious, arrogant, egotistical!"

"Some of my most endearing traits. You forgot to mention my insane good looks."

"See? Right there--that's your ugly egotism rearing its ugly head again!"

"You said 'ugly' twice, Waldorf, not up to your usual levels. That means either you overdosed on something this morning, or you're falling for the undeniable charms of Charles Bass, esquire."

Blair gave an extremely unladylike snort of disdain. " 'Esquire'?"

"It's called dramatic effect, Waldorf."

"Really? Because I call it blockheaded stupidity."

"Now, that's more like it!"

"You sicken me!"

"You turn me on."

"Nelly Yuki turns you on, Bass, so one could say you have low standards."

"One could say that….or one could say that tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses are sexy."

"Shut up!"

"My wish is your command."

"I though it was the other way around, Aladdin!"

"What I meant was, my wish is to screw you, and soon you'll be commanding me to screw you, Princess Jasmine."

Blair gritted her teeth. "Oops, I remembered, I have an important English essay to write."

"What's it about?"

"Zeus? The King of the Gods."

"Oh, good, so it's about me."

"I'M LEAVING!"