A/N: Another RudyxPenny story about how me and her get married! And this time...you guessed it! (How did you guess it?) We are SPIES!1 Which is WAY cooler than being a stupid STALKER. Stupid French Blob. Go eat your french toast through a pipe (because the funnel thing is MINE now!)!
I want To Marry a Spy
I looked around the corner of a wall that was one of the walls inside a building that I was in. I was holding a gun. (I'm really mature! guns are mature because they kill people and killing and blood are both mature things) I flicked the hair out of my eyes like a cool person and winked to someone who wasn't there.
I edged along the wall, my back to the wall, as I edged along it. I was holding up the gun (maaaaaatuuuuure) while I had my back to the wall and edged along it. Soon I came to another wall, and then I peered around the corner because I love Penny. It was all for her. There was a guy there and he SHOT at me! I quickly pulled away and stood there and held my gun to my face (careful not to pull the trigger because I might have blown off my head oops hehe haha). I frowned really hardly because firing bullets at people was RUDE. It was something Snap would do!
"Don't do that!" yelled I as I waved the gun so the bad guy could see it.
"Oh sorry...ok!" he yelled back and I came out from around the corner and pointed my gun at him. He nearly shot again but I stopped him.
"STOP!" I yelled and he stopped.
"Sorry" he said and went still.
"Good." Then I SHOT HIM because I'm a badass! (HEHE I just said a naughty word!) He fell to the floor and blood sprayed out of the wound in his chest and he bled ALL OVER THE FLOOR. He covered the entire hallway with blood and I stepped out into it and blew on the end of my gun. Then I accidentally shot the ceiling and it crumbled onto my face slightly.
I walked over and began to lecture his dead body about shooting people and how it was rude, and then to make sure he was dead, I shot him again. Then I shot his gun up and the gun started bleeding black blood—the darkest kind.
I knew then that I had done my spy job and I walked to the other side of the building, where some blood had bled from the dead guy. My shoes were stained with blood but then it went away because I thought it looked bad and it also had a yucky smell. Penny wouldn't like that.
Suddenly I remembered Penny! "Penny!" I remembered. I looked at my watch. There were TWO MINUTES before I had to be somewhere! 'Oh crap I'm going to be late for my wedding!' I said in my mind to myself and only I heard it. "Not if I can help it!" I said out loud triumphantly.
Suddenly more bad guys appeared around the corner and I pulled out my gun faster than they could even comprehend that I had been there. I shot them all in their chests and they went down one by one, none of their bullets even going near me. "Noooo!" they groaned as they fell down into their own blood. They only slightly stained the carpet.
"That's what you get for messing with a spy," I said to myself but to anyone who could have been listening. "Anyway I have to go to my wedding!" I said and ran down the hallway, stepping on the bodies. I tripped over one and cried. "Ouchies!" I looked at my finger and saw that I had been tuxedo wounded! One of their tuxedoes was super sharp and cut me on my wrist...I began to loose a lot of that red stuff. "Oh crap" I said and then I remembered something. The power of love.
I made out with my wrist.
The wound healed.
"I love being in love," I said and then I raced down the hallway. Suddenly I came into a BIG giant room with two floors. The floors were next to each other. They were neighbour floors and there was a crack between them. I narrowed my eyes as I spotted three bad guys to the left and right where I had come out, near pot plants, and then I stopped to admire the pot plants. Everyone was yelling at me because they tried to scare me, but I didn't care. I was so cool, calm and collected that I just went ahead and smelled those plants. Then I remembered the wedding and how I would be late if I didn't hurry. I looked up at the men to my left and right. I raised my eyebrows (oh Penny...SIX eyebrows is six times as hawt) and said, "Now's not a good time for a fight, boys. I'm going to be late for my wedding."
But it was meant to be a tease and they knew it so they shook their heads. "I'm not letting you go to that wedding, Mr. Tabootie," said one of them. His friend next to him (HAH, friends...I'll show them) said, "Yeah, we'll eat you for breakfast!" (I know that you have to put a new character's speech on a new line, but they're friends so if they treasure each other so much (FEH, only lovers can do that!) then they may as well speak on the same line!1!121)
"Oh...shut up," I said coolly. Best come-back ever.
Suddenly they all pulled out THEIR guns (but they weren't mature because none of them were in love) and pointed them at me. Then I saw that there were ten more guys downstairs, on the lower floor and they were all pointing their guns at me too. They were all assassins sent to kill me. But I wasn't going to die tonight. I'm pretty sure Penny wouldn't want to marry a corpse so it would be dumb if I died!
The guy closest to me and therefore the most accessible fired his gun at me, but I did a back-flip and the bullet missed. Then I fired my gun at him because I love Penny and he fell down the stairs and made his arm very disappointing. Then I pointed my gun at the person next to him, which was the next to fire. When he fired the gun, the bullet ricocheted off my teeth as I bared them, and it hit the guy in the face and killed him. Then the third guy fired his guns, and I did a really cool kick and deflected the bullet into his hip, and then I shot him in the chest. He got a collapsed lung.
Then I turned around and faced everyone on my other side, who were all pointing their guns at me. I flicked my hair again. "It's your turn," I said sneakily and one of them looked to the other.
"Can't we fire now?" one of them asked. "No!" said another (they're all villainbots so who cares if they speak on the same line, right?) and inserted a hamster into a gift box. "We're only allowed to shoot when he's planning to kill us." "But that...doesn't make—" "SHUT UP!" yelled the second one and he threw the gift box at my feet.
The hamster tumbled out of the gift box and I cried. It was so sad and helpless, like its parents didn't visit it more than once a year. I shook my head because I love Penny and had the random impulse to stare so hardly at the hamster, so I did. I couldn't stop glaring at it until it ran away and found some discarded month-old sushi. "You're a ruthless murderer!" I yelled and then I killed him and his friends and they bled all over the walls and the pot plants.
When I went downstairs, I realised that I only had thirty seconds left until the wedding. I gasped and killed them all, and none of them could hit me because firstly they didn't fire unless I was shooting at them, and secondly because I kept catching the bullets and sometimes I caught them in my mouth and swallowed them, then pooped them out straight away. They kept their momentum so they flew threw a flap in my pants and killed a guy behind me, who didn't see THAT coming.
Then I got bored because there was no romance. So I monologued to the last guy standing and he did the same before he died because of the power of my love for Penny being so strong.
I then ran outside the building and stripped into my wedding suit and used my grappling hook to climb the wall. I then jumped REALLY far because I love Penny and landed on the next building, which had been half a mile away. Then I used suction cups to climb down the building and caught a taxi helicopter to the wedding reception, which was at my house. But my parents didn't notice.
I got there with forty-seven seconds to spare. I was at the altar and penny walked up really romantically and we smooched all through the vows. Then we quickly said "I do" before more bad guys burst in through the doors and started massacring the guests. I grinned and said, "Another challenge!" before I fled with Penny, because only her safety mattered. As long as she was safe, so was I.
By the way, Penny was a spy too so she used her grappling hook and grappled away. She accidentally got my pants caught on her ring so they slightly all tore off and I was pantless for the rest of the day.
The...end.
A/N: I hope you liked it! What am I saying...of COURSE you did! Here is another romantic version of me and Penny getting married...oh Penny...ooooohhhhh penny peNNy Penny!