Disclaimer: I don't own the TV-show Gilmore Girls or any of the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plotline.
A/N: I don't even know where to begin or how to explain this post. As some of you might be aware, I haven't posted anything in many months. This had to do with school and to do with myself as I thought I had lost the drive to write fanfiction, though that is in the process of changing. I wrote this one-piece over the period of a few weeks as it was a line by line process, but I hope that, now it's all tied together, it's a read worthy of your time.
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Take the Good with the Bad
"I vow to love and to hold."
She wore a wedding gown in traditional white—virginal and clear. Heavenly clear and reminiscent of an angel as she sat on one of the folding chairs near the makeshift altar in the open air. She looked ready to get married with the flowers still in hand, and right through him when he approached, but he caught the look in her eyes. It was sadness of some kind, a sadness that hit deep, but he couldn't name. And he didn't care, not really. He only cared about the undercurrent of satisfaction that was there. Barely, but it was still there.
She let the flowers slip from her hands in defeat and slight acceptance, and he couldn't help taking a little bit of joy out of it. He didn't say it and she didn't let him know that she could sense it anyway when he took a seat beside her. In return she stayed silent even though he wanted her to speak. He wasn't a big talker himself, so he waited, knowing that she wouldn't have the patience to last.
It was that easy. She didn't even take as long as he expected her to, her stubbornness suffering heavily underneath the weight of today's episode.
"The pressure got to him…," she tried to rationalize, "or maybe it got to me. I don't know." A shrug of her shoulders followed: careless and bare. "I can't remember how we got here," she said, referring to her and her runaway groom.
"I do," was his quick reply as he ran a slightly quivering hand across his hand. "Want me to take you through it?" He revealed a playful smile only after he had ducked his head.
"How can you?" she asked with honest and disbelieving eyes. "You weren't there. Not all of the time."
"Not most of the time."
"Not any of the time."
He nodded, though not in agreement. "Ironically enough I'm at what was supposed to be your wedding," he remarked in his usual smart-ass way. He threw a glance her way, realizing his words must have hit a nerve somewhere in her body, despite him not being able to read it back on her face. Her forehead wrinkled, but for the wrong reason. "You didn't have to come. You weren't supposed to."
His eyes lifted as he speculated. "My mom sent the invitation. I didn't know… I didn't know until it was too late."
"You didn't want me here," he stated.
Her fingers gently scratched her forehead. "I didn't want you to judge."
"Rory," he used her name, "I'm the last person to judge. Anyone."
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter now. Everyone will be out to judge now. He should have at least been here to receive some of it. He's a coward."
"You're doing well considering the circumstances."
"Considering the circumstances," she repeated quietly and looked down at her hands, nails neatly done and fingers completely bare. It was a mismatch. "I wonder if he'll still want to pay for all of this."
"The wedding?"
She gave him a single nod.
"He will."
"I can't afford it," she prolonged her worrying.
"He'll pay."
"He should," she agreed.
"And he will. You shouldn't worry about that now. Or later."
"But I will."
''Then worry about it." He shrugged it off.
She nodded.
He looked at her. "But don't let it consume you."
She offered up a half-ass smile that made him chuckle and snake an arm around her waist. It wasn't planned. "I know it's not as easy to forget as I make it out to be and I'm not trying to downplay it. All I'm saying is that you'll have more than enough time to stress yourself out over this. For now just take your time to let it sink in, and if it matters I'll be here." He placed a cautious kiss on the top of her head. She expected him—wanted him—to hug her tight as well, but understood why he didn't.
"It matters, Jess. It has always mattered," she shared with him. "You know this, don't you?" She pulled away from him and he brought his arm closer to his body while nodding. "We've always been good friends and I'd like to think you appreciate my friendship."
"You're here out of friendship?"
He nodded. "Yes, but I must admit that I had an ulterior motif for coming."
She rested her arms on her lap. "You came to stop the wedding, didn't you?"
"How?"
"You always come to claim me when you can't, or shouldn't."
''Which one is it?" he questioned, pushing for an answer.
"Both." There was a short pause. "You shouldn't because you know better and you can't because I'm taken."
"Were taken," he corrected.
She ignored him. "I guess you're going to go then, huh, since I'm single again and you have no one to compete with."
"Thinking a bit much about yourself, aren't you?"
"Am I?" she asked him.
He sighed but didn't say another word. Victory was hers.
"What were going to do once you had stopped the wedding?"
"Successfully?" he inquired. "I haven't really thought about that."
"Because it's just about the competition and not about the relationship you would have gotten out of this."
She had slipped up with her words and their eyes met, his running into hers quite forcefully. "We don't work in a relationship, Rory. You know this."
"Then why want to stop my wedding and interfere in something that's not any of your business?" She didn't raise her voice and looked right at him, showing him that she had grown up and was more than capable of winning this argument.
He recognized her determination and backed off with a slight nod of his head. "There's no point in discussing this anyway since—"
"Don't say it," she stopped him in midsentence. "I know full well how serious and real my situation is. I don't need you to make it harder, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
"Okay," she said again while dropping her gaze back down to her hands, which she had tightly tucked between her thighs.
She didn't look like she belonged, despite the image of her going perfectly with the wedding scenery. She looked like the bride on top of the untouched wedding cake: perfect. And she would have made the perfect wife as well, though for the right reasons, for the reasons he still kept her closer to his heart than he probably should.
He still loved her. Even after these past years in which they had been apart, even after all the days he hadn't thought of her, even after all the other girls. She was still there, though it was only when she was on the verge of no longer being available that it really got to him. And it wasn't fair, and he couldn't help feeling responsible for her being left at the altar when he and her future husband had never even seen each other.
If it weren't for the wedding he wouldn't even have known.
He rested his eyes on her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as he tried to be just her friend. "It'll be okay again, Ror."
She shrugged, not having the intention of shaking off his touch. "It's for the better. I wouldn't have wanted to be married to someone who didn't love me unconditionally. He wasn't right for me. He was too good for me" It was a peculiar choice of words, but he got it. His hand slid from her shoulder down to the bare small of her back, skin on skin as he helped her up. He savored the moment by pressing his fingers into her skin—a desperate attempt to hold on—before letting go of her entirely.
"Do you—"
"My mom's waiting for me," she purposely cut him off.
"You better go then," he replied, eyes on her back as she took the first few steps away from him. Yet, she hesitated and looked at him over her shoulder, her blue eyes as irresistible as ever. "I just want to be happy."
"Are you?" he asked an obvious question.
She bravely raised her chin. "Are you?"
They shared a final fluttering look before both looked anywhere but at each other.
"Take care of yourself, Jess."
The faintest smile touched upon his lips. "You too."
He looked down at the wedding bouquet, not strong enough to watch her walk away. The final petals were flattened beneath his shoes as he walked off himself.
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As in every piece of fanfiction, I would really like to know what you thought of this? And, of course, if you remember me from when I used to be a more regular poster I would really like to hear from you through a review as well. Thanks for reading and, who knows, there might be more stories on the way. xoxo