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1.
"Oh, Kazuma," Bishamon said. They were walking in the commercial district in the Near Shore. "What is this 'Valentine's Day' I keep seeing? Why are all those women buying chocolate?" She motioned to the window display of chocolate boxes in front of them.
"It is a Near Shore custom," Kazuma said. "The women give chocolate to the men in their lives as a way to show their appreciation for them, but in other parts of the world, the chocolate is exchanged equally."
"I see." In the store window, Bishamon could see a crowd of women worrying over the display case, talking and comparing boxes. "Kazuma. Does that mean I should be giving you chocolate?"
Kazuma looked up, surprised. "Why would you be giving me chocolate?" he asked. Bishamon smiled.
"Just because I am a god doesn't mean I cannot participate in human customs. Tell me, Kazuma. What should I do to participate properly?"
"Ah, well." Kazuma blushed and stared at the ground. "Usually those things are more of a way to show romantic affection. Although I suppose there are different levels of chocolate."
"Oh?"
Kazuma counted on his fingers: "Well there's Obligatory Chocolate, whereby you give chocolate to your co-workers as a matter of course. Then there is Friendship Chocolate, which is when you exchange chocolate with female friends. And finally there is the Favorite Chocolate, which is usually exchanged between people who are in romantic relationships or who otherwise want to be in a romantic relationship. It is a way of affirming or confessing your feelings."
"That sounds complicated," Bishamon said, frowning. "So tell me, Kazuma. What kind of chocolate should I be getting you?"
Kazuma considered. "I suppose you would give me Obligatory Chocolate, if you were to participate," Kazuma said.
"I see." Bishamon frowned at the window display, thoughtfully.
xXx
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She stood in the store, frowning at the various chocolate displays and hovering over the decorated boxes. Some were ornately decorated, with frilly pink ribbons and decorative curls; others were more plain, utilitarian. Then there were the different flavors, dark chocolate, milk chocolate. White chocolate with flavored ganache. Bishamon wasn't even sure Kazuma liked chocolate, let alone champagne-infused truffles or the myriad other choices that were in front of her.
"Oooh!" Kofuku said. She twirled a little and plucked a box. "You should get this!" She waved a gaudy heart-shaped box of chocolate caramels in front of her.
"Is this the proper type of chocolate?" Bishamon said, frowning.
"Well Daikoku likes the heart-shaped boxes, we save 'em and use 'em to hold pens and stuff~~"
"That does seem rather useful." Bishamon held her chin, thoughtfully. "But my Kazuma does not like sweets, perhaps I should just get him a pencil holder instead?"
"A heart-shaped pencil holder?"
"A normal one."
They stood in front of the display case, silently.
"I should probably buy chocolate for the rest of my shinki," Bishamon said, and she plucked a few boxes and set them in her cart.
They walked to the check-out line, where the cashier at the register balked at the fifty-plus boxes of mid-tier chocolate Bishamon stacked onto the conveyor belt, while Kofuku laughed and flirted and generally wreaked havoc behind her, a tower of black smoke rising from a chocolate display behind them ("Kofuku-dono. How did you make those balloons explode?" Bishamon asked, impressed. Kofuku paused. "Talent~~?"). They pushed their carts into the parking lot, then loaded chocolates by the case-full at the back of Daikoku's car.
"This is impossible," Bishamon said. She sat in front of a pile of chocolate, agonized. "They are all the same."
"Bisha what's wrong?" Kofuku peered behind Bishamon's shoulder.
"I miscalculated." Bishamon held her head in her hands. "All these boxes are all the same. How can I show my Kazuma my appreciation for him if he gets the same thing as everyone else? Should I give him two?" She looked up at Kofuku.
"YO KOFUKU!" Yato burst through the door. "Lemme borrow some money, there's this lucky pot they're sellin' at the street corner and-" Yato stopped. "What the heck is with all these boxes?" Yato said.
"Bisha's buying Valentine's Day chocolates!" Kofuku said. Yato picked up a box.
"This is expensive!" Yato said. He waved the box at Bishamon. "How the heck could you afford all this?!"
"If you would like some, Yatogami, you may take Kazuma's share. I'm afraid this chocolate is not good enough for him."
"Wait, you're getting Kazuma Valentine's Day chocolates?" Yato suddenly seemed very interested. "Yo Bishamon. No offense, but the best chocolate is definitely homemade. If ya wanna impress him you gotta make the chocolate yourself."
"But I do not know how to make chocolate," Bishamon said. Yato slung an arm around her shoulder.
"Fortunately for you, Bishamon, you're looking at a former chocolatier at an award winning chocolate shoppe! I can help ya with the chocolate if you want."
"So if I give you five yen, you'll make the chocolate for me?" Bishamon said.
"Are you kidding, Bishamon? If ya wanna make it special, ya gotta make it yourself."
xXx
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They sat around the table, staring at a few plates of Bishamon's chocolate.
"It's...good," Hiyori said, unconvincingly. Beside her Daikoku nodded.
"It's not bad," Daikoku said. Yukine swallowed slowly.
"It's, uh. It's-"
"It tastes like dirt~~" Kofuku said, happily. Yato popped a truffle in his mouth and spat it in his hand.
"WHAT THE HECK, BISHAMON! Are you tryin' to poison us?!"
"It's not that bad, is it?" Bishamon said. She turned to Daikoku. "Is it?!"
"Uh," Daikoku rubbed his head. "Well maybe you'll get it on the next batch," Daikoku said.
"This is the fifth batch!" Bishamon said. Yato put his head in his hands.
"Give it up, Bishamon," Yato said, tossing her back her the coin. "Save yourself the aggravation and just buy Kazuma some store-bought chocolate. Get him somethin' fancy," Yato said. "The frillier the better."
"Are you suggesting that I am incapable of making my Kazuma homemade chocolate?" Bishamon said. Yato snorted.
"I mean, you could feed it to him, and he'd probably eat it," Yato said. "But I don't know if you'd actually want him to." Bishamon glared.
"Look at Hiyori!" Yato said. "We're all fine, but Hiyori's human! And your shitty chocolate is makin' her sick!"
"I'm not sick!" Hiyori said. She had been discreetly trying to walk toward the bathroom.
"I mean, look at this stuff!" Yato said. He waved a piece of chocolate around Bishamon's face. "It's all chalky and waxy!"
"I decided to grind my own cocoa beans myself." Bishamon stuck her chin out, defiant. "Why reconstitute an already processed bar when I can go back to the source and make chocolate myself? Is that not the point of it being homemade?"
"The point is to show Kazuma how much you're thinking of him, not by stroking your ego and accidentally poisoning him!" Yato said. Bishamon rolled her eyes.
"Well excuse me for not wanting to dip a few strawberries in a pot of melted chocolate," Bishamon said, icily. "Any idiot with a stove can do that. I am a war god. There is nothing in this world I cannot master."
"Uh, hate to break it to ya, Bishamon, but that's cuz you're usually usin' Kazuma."
"Ugh."
"I know what Kazu-chan wants," Kofuku sang, sotto voce. "But I can't say it because Yuki and Hiyorin are here~~"
"If you are going to suggest again that he would like to 'lick my strawberry,' I told you already that I fail to see how a single piece of fruit would make an adequate enough gift," Bishamon said. Daikoku groaned and Yukine put his head in his hands.
xXx
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2.
There were several pots of chocolate bubbling on the stove when Kazuma walked into the kitchen.
"Veena, what is this?" Kazuma said, and he peered at the tray of truffles she left cooling on the counter. "Are you making chocolate?"
He started to reach for a truffle when she smacked his hand.
"That is for the Yatogami!" Bishamon said. "Kazuma! That is not for you!"
He dropped the truffle, surprised.
Fortunately for Bishamon, Kofuku-dono had a better idea: "You should buy him lingerie~~" Kofuku said.
"But my Kazuma does not wear lingerie, why would I buy him that?" Bishamon said. Kofuku clapped her on the arm.
"Silly Bisha~~! it's not for him, it's for-"
"KOFUKU," Daikoku said.
It seemed fair enough. Bishamon walked through the department store, pausing briefly at the women's section, before deciding that if her Kazuma wanted something more intimate, he could shop for something himself. She considered getting a gift card, but on reflection, decided that only a lazy master would gift her most precious shinki something so easy; she decided to go to the men's section, where at the very least she could pick out something a little more utilitarian.
Bishamon walked along the men's underwear section, frowning. There were boxers versus briefs. Boxer-briefs, mid-rise briefs, free-range cotton butt-enhancing briefs.
Grey briefs. Colored briefs. Briefs with different patterns.
Then there was the fact that she wasn't even sure if Kazuma had taken to wearing modern-style underwear.
He was standing at her desk, tapping a stack of papers and tucking a few folders under his arm, while Bishamon discreetly peered around the desk. From her vantage point, Bishamon could get a full view of Kazuma's rear end without any obstruction - she knew she could simply ask Kazuma what kind of undergarments he preferred, but with his powers of observation, she was afraid her asking would ruin the surprise. Unfortunately, the cloth of his pants were thick, and her powers of observation were not as good as Kazuma's.
"It is unfortunate, isn't it, Kazuma? How easy it is to see a woman's panty line but not so easy to detect a man's. Although I would assume if someone were wearing a traditional loincloth, it would be fairly visible. Wouldn't you agree?"
Kazuma cocked his head.
"Just a passing thought." She handed him a stack of reports. "Oh, Kazuma?"
"Yes, Veena?"
"Do you feel your chouki form is tarnished?" She set down her papers expectantly.
"My chouki form is fine," Kazuma said. "Unless you have reason to believe my vessel has become dull?"
Actually, it was Kofuku-dono who suggested that Bishamon polish his jewels, using the plural deliberately despite the fact that his earring form only had one small diamond. Bishamon thought more about this, and realized that his diamond was also flanked by petal-shaped pearls, which was likely what Kofuku-dono had been referencing. ("Maybe you should let him give you a pearl necklace~~" Kofuku had said.
"Why would I want that?" Bishamon said, while Yato sputtered and Daikoku slapped his forehead. "What use does a war god have for jewelry?" and Kofuku just laughed and laughed while Yukine discreetly explained the meaning to Hiyori.)
"No no, your vessel form is fine," Bishamon said. "I just wanted your opinion. Don't give it another thought."
A few more minutes passed. Now Kazuma stood, walking over toward the window on a conference call, when Bishamon slowly swiveled in her chair. His back was toward her, and the hem of his suit jacket rested just below the the hip, so that she could not adequately make out his outline. She chewed on her pencil tip, frowning.
She threw a paperclip at him. He turned, confused.
"Do you mind picking that up?" Bishamon asked. Kazuma tilted his head, then bent forward.
Ugh. He was bending to the side, she still couldn't get a good look. Bishamon furrowed her brow, holding the paperclip like a dart and silently plotting her trajectory.
The paperclip shot through the air like an arrow before bouncing off the back of Kazuma's head. Kazuma looked up, startled.
"Sorry," Bishamon said. "Would you mind picking that up too?"
He gave her a strange look, then bent forward. His suit jacket was still too long.
She tossed another paperclip but he ducked, the top edge just grazing his ear. "Veena, what are you-"
"With your ability I would have expected you to evade better," Bishamon said, crisply. Kazuma frowned at her.
xXx
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3.
"Bishamon-sama, maybe you should try just showing Kazuma-san how much you care about him," Hiyori said.
"How would I do that?" Bishamon said.
"Well, maybe by offering to help him with his workload? Or giving him a day off so he can have time to himself."
"Hm."
Bishamon considered.
She was sipping a cup of tea when she heard it: a loud metal clang, the sound of a letter opener dropping heavily on the desk. She raised her head to see Kazuma holding up the letter.
"They're tearing down our shrine," Kazuma said.
"What?" she said. Kazuma walked over to show her.
"It's a notice," Kazuma said, and he handed her the paper. "Apparently some land developer bought the surrounding properties and is intending to turn the area into a strip mall. I've dealt with him before, he wanted to buy our land directly. I refused, and now he's filed a petition with the state alleging that our shrine is a safety hazard. We have thirty days to comply with these requests, or else our shrine will be demolished," Kazuma said.
"Well, that's not bad, right?" Bishamon said. "Thirty days is plenty of time."
Kazuma's voice rose, agitated. "Veena, do you realize how difficult it will be to find a contractor on such short notice? Also think of the expense," Kazuma said. "We barely broke even in the last quarter."
"Well we'll just ask the Yatogami," Bishamon said.
"Veena-"
"And this is just a branch shrine, Kazuma, it's not one of our main ones. There probably aren't very many worshipers there either. You're worrying over nothing," Bishamon said. "Even if they tear this shrine down, we still have plenty of believers."
"It is a symbol," Kazuma said. "Your power as a god is predicated on the number of shrines that remain intact. Even if there aren't many worshipers, it still serves as a reminder."
Kazuma ran his hand through his hair and sighed, heavily.
"This is my fault," Kazuma said, sitting down next to her. "I should have tried negotiating with them earlier."
Even without their connection, she could tell that Kazuma was experiencing quite a bit of stress. Inconvenient emotions like irritation or worry usually never took hold of him the way they did her other shinki. She took it for granted how much he had to suppress for her sake.
What would a human do in this situation? Bishamon wondered. A hug or gentle touch would soothe the most upset of children. Maybe she should hug him?
"Show him you care about him," Hiyori-chan had said. "Offer to help him with his workload."
"Well, Kazuma," Bishamon said, remembering Hiyori's advice, "because this seems to be too difficult for you to handle, I shall take care of things myself. Have you any documents for me?"
"I-" Kazuma looked at her as if he were blighted. "Veena, are you-are you mad at me?"
"What? No, of course not," Bishamon said, smiling. "I should have known better than to burden you with such an important task. The fault alone lies with me."
She smiled and watched as Kazuma stood, shakily, pleased with the knowledge that she was finally showing her Kazuma how much she valued him. He didn't look at her when he spoke.
"I'll draw up the necessary documents in the morning."
"Good," Bishamon said, when she saw an opportunity as he started to leave - his coat was disheveled, and with the way he was hunching his shoulders she knew she could probably get a better look.
She tossed another paperclip at him. Kazuma ducked.
"Your reflexes are getting better, Kazuma!"
xXx
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4.
"Kazuma," Bishamon began. "Distribute these boxes of chocolate to the other shinki and give me a full report on their reactions when you do."
"Understood. Do you need help with the chocolate you're making?" Kazuma said.
"No, Kazuma. This is something only I can do." Bishamon sighed, heavily.
Despite her best efforts, her chocolate was garbage, and Bishamon dumped the truffles into the trash, frustrated. Her Kazuma only deserved the best, but it was almost Valentine's Day and she still had nothing for him.
The rest of the day, Kazuma dutifully doled out the boxes of chocolate and took careful inventory of all the shinki who received it: obligatory chocolate for the males and friendship chocolate for the females, the young ones grabbing store-bought bonbons by the fistfuls while the older ones looked on.
"Bishamon-sama. I've given out all the chocolate." Kazuma tapped his pen on his clipboard. "It was a hit. You've done well to help further relations with your shinki."
"Good. I'm glad to hear it." She stared at her pile of papers, distracted. In her chocolate-making frenzy, she had gotten behind in her work. She reached over to read a report when she realized Kazuma was still waiting. She lowered her papers.
"Do you need something?" she asked.
"Um, no," Kazuma said. "If you'll excuse me," and he bowed a little and shut the door.
xXx
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"Yo Bishamon!" Yato said. It was a week later, and he and Yukine had run into her at the Near Shore. "Didja give Kazuma the chocolate?"
"What?" Bishamon said. She was busy tallying her wishes in her shrine.
"The chocolate," Yato said. "Didja end up buying him some, or...?"
Bishamon's eyes widened.
"I did not get my Kazuma anything," Bishamon said. Her hand flew to her mouth.
"My one and only blessing, and I completely forgot!"
xXx
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5.
It was dark now, and Kazuma switched on the desklamp, rubbing his eyes and staring at the stack of reports in front of him. Keeping his eyes fixed on the page, he blindly groped for the cup of coffee that was sitting next to his inbox of papers, which had grown considerably larger over the last few days; ever since Veena's foray into Valentine's Day, he had found himself mired in a depressive funk, unable to shake off the vaguely hurt feelings that came from seeing her make chocolate for Yato and passing out valentines to every single shinki except him. It was selfish of him to expect anything in the first place - there were talks about his vessel being tarnished, not to mention his mishandling of the shrine and her obvious loss of confidence in him; he hoped Veena did not suffer as a result of it.
"Kazuma?" Veena knocked and poked her head through the door. "Are you busy?"
"No, come in," Kazuma said, and Veena opened the door fully, carrying a paper bag and sitting across from him on the bed. "Is there something I can do for you?"
"No, Kazuma. In fact I came here to check up on you." Kazuma's eyes widened.
"Are you ill?" Kazuma asked, alarmed.
"What? No, of course not," Veena said.
"Veena I apologize! If you are feeling weak or tired-"
"Hush, Kazuma. I am fine," Veena said. "I actually brought a few things for you."
Kazuma folded his hands in his lap, watching as she dug around her paper bag.
"A strawberry," she said, holding the single piece of fruit out to him. Kazuma blinked, then took it from her. She dug around the bag further.
"A package of crew-neck T-shirts," she said, showing him.
Kazuma blinked. "Um-"
"Kofuku-dono suggested I get you lingerie, but I told her that was plainly ridiculous, as that did not seem to be your proclivity and I have not seen anything that would suggest otherwise."
Kazuma stared at the package, at a loss. "I'm not quite sure I understand."
"Well I would have gotten you underpants," Veena said, and she plucked the package from his lap, "but frankly there were so many styles that shopping for them was so confusing. These T-shirts are soft," Veena said. "I think you would enjoy sleeping with them. They're not quite as fancy as lingerie but personally I appreciate their utility." Kazuma stared at her, gobsmacked. Veena watched him, nervously.
"You don't like them," Veena said, crestfallen. "I can see it on your face, I should have known you won't like them!"
Kazuma started, "Veena, what are you-"
"She was so insistent that she knew exactly what you'd want," Veena said. "But how could that be, when even I do not know what you want? Would you have rather gotten lingerie, Kazuma?"
She looked at him expectantly.
The shirts were a medium. That was the first detail Kazuma noticed. They were a size medium and instinctively he knew how long Veena must have agonized over it, trying to figure out what size he is. She wanted to get him a good Valentine's Day gift, he realized, and suddenly his eyes filled with tears.
"Kazuma?" Veena said. She moved to meet his gaze. "Kazuma, are you all right?"
He chuckled softly, wiping his eyes. "For the record, Veena," Kazuma said, turning over the package. "When Lady Kofuku was suggesting you buy lingerie, she was suggesting that you buy it for you, not me."
"But why on earth would I buy myself lingerie?" Veena said. Kazuma shook his head, smiling.
"I think she was aiming for something romantic," Kazuma said. Veena opened her mouth to speak when he gently cupped her shoulders. "It doesn't matter," Kazuma said, gently. He smiled and smoothed his hands down the sides of her arms, moving until he clasped her hands.
"Thank you, Veena," Kazuma said. He took her hands into his. "Knowing that you were thinking of me makes me very happy."
"I am glad," Veena said. "It speaks poorly of your master that she overlooked her blessing. Happy Valentine's day," she said, smiling at him. He smiled and squeezed her hand.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Veena."