A/N: Well, hello there guys. Just wanted to write this fic as a joke. No, I will never add another chapter (if anyone even wants one). This is just for fun. Now I should probably tell you what the joke is, right? Does anyone even care? No? Well, I'm going to tell you anyways. I just felt like writing the most pointless, ridiculous fic I could possibly come up with. Basically, I'm just making fun of authors that write like this. You got a problem with that, go away. If you feel possibly laughing once or twice, then keep on going. And don't worry, I am a strong believer in proper grammar, so I won't be talking lik dis. Anyway, just…yeah….fic time! :D
Oh! And before I start this I just wanted to tell you, any 'opinions' expressed in this fic are not mine. It's just me mocking people. For example, the Miranda/Carly bashing a little bit down. I think Miranda is very pretty, but for some reason Seddie authors just love to throw in a little bashing of her while they're writing. Alright, end of long author note!
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. I never will. I have yet to get over that, which is why I bring you this piece of rubbish.
Freddie was feeling really depressed. I feel so depressed… he thought whilst drinking a cup of a hot chocolate. But of course, it had to be low fat, sugar free, soy chocolate, because his mother wouldn't let him anywhere near chocolate.
Freddie just sat there on his bed, sipping his hot chocolate for a few hours and thinking, because everyone sits on their beds and thinks for hours at a time when they feel depressed. When will Sam ever notice me? I mean, I only pretended to like and stalk Carly all of these years to get her jealous. I never really liked Carly. I think she looks like a man, actually.
All of a sudden, Freddie heard someone knocking on the fire escape that somehow magically appeared in his room. He couldn't see who it was through the glass, because it was so blurry from the rain that somehow went completely unnoticed until now.
Suddenly, Freddie heard someone whispering through the thick glass. "Psst…it's me Sam. Open up Freddie!"
Freddie was too shocked to respond for a minute. He was amazed! Why? Because Sam actually called him Freddie. Sam never calls him Freddie! Freddie soon realized that he had forgotten about the soaking wet Sam Puckett on his fire escape. He quickly pulled open the sliding glass door, which had no lock, but Sam was unable to open for some reason.
"Freddie! Thank you so much for letting me in!" Sam said before pulling Freddie into a huge bear hug.
"Anytime, Princess Puckett," Freddie said, calling her by the nickname he has only used once before, but now uses all the time. He hugged her back tightly. They just stood there holding each other, both reveling in the feeling of each other's arms wrapped around each other. Once they realized what they were doing, the awkwardly pulled away.
"So….Fredork. Where can Mama get herself some ham around here?" Sam asked before randomly walking out of the room and into the Benson's kitchen. She knew where it was, because she had come to Freddie's apartment many times in the middle of the night, which is why Freddie didn't question why Sam decided to come over in the pouring rain.
He eventually followed her out of his room, lagging behind to think over what had just happened. Did Sam really hug me? Does she like me? I hope so!
He knew she would be in the kitchen, so he followed her there. When he walked in, Sam's entire body was shoved into his refrigerator, because Sam was so hungry that she thought shoving herself in the refrigerator would help her find more food.
Since Sam was so focused on her food, she never noticed Freddie walking in, so he just leaned against the counter and watched her. As Sam leaned down further to grab something that happened to be in the far bottom corner of the refrigerator, Freddie got a good look at her butt. And since he was a hormonal teenage boy, he had to stare at it as Sam searched the refrigerator. He just couldn't take his eyes off her. Not even when he brought the mug that held his hot chocolate to his mouth, because he had been holding the hot chocolate this whole time.
Suddenly, Sam whirled around and caught Freddie staring. "What you looking at Benson?" she said through a mouth of ham, because Sam always had so much food in her mouth that she couldn't even take it out to speak properly.
Freddie blushed, from being caught staring at Sam's butt. "Oh…nothing," he said quickly, his face the color of a tomato.
Sam, finally realizing what he was staring at, blushed too. An awkward silence proceeded. They just stood there for a few minutes, both still blushing, before Freddie finally spoke. "So…what brings you over here this time?"
Sam sighed and walked over to the couch in the Benson's living room, which happened to be right next to the kitchen. She plopped down and took a bite of the turkey leg she was holding before responding. "Eh. Melanie's here visiting and I'm sick of her already."
Freddie nodded sympathetically at her. He had found out that Melanie was actually real just a few months ago. "Aw, I know how hard it must be for you, considering how much you hate her."
He walked over and sat down on the cough next to her. Sam scooted closer to him, and dropped her head onto his shoulder, all the awkwardness of just a few minutes ago forgotten. "Do you think she's better than me?" Sam asked, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and open to Freddie's opinions.
"Of course not!" Freddie quickly replied. He jumped off the couch to face Sam. "You're just as smart, pretty, and fun as her!"
"How am I just as smart?" Sam asked, completely ignoring that fact that he called her pretty and fun, despite the fact that he's supposed to hate her.
"You've really raised your grades over the years," Freddie commented, which was actually true. It turns out that all Sam needed to do was apply herself and she could get grades just as good as Carly and Freddie's!
"That's true…but I could never be as great as her! She's top of her class at her fancy boarding school, and they're considering her for early graduation!" Sam yelled at Freddie while holding back tears, because Sam has always been secretly jealous of Melanie's grades.
"So! You're still an awesome person to be around! Screw grades! Nobody cares about them!" Freddie told her, despite the fact that he pays very careful attention to his own grades.
He gently pulled Sam into a hug and held her until she stopped crying. "Thanks…Freddie." Sam said with a smile, all tears suddenly gone.
Freddie lifted his head to tell her 'You're welcome', but got lost in her glassy blue eyes when he looked into them. Before they knew what was happening, they completely lost control of their bodies and were passionately making out on the Benson's couch. Their tongues battled for dominance as their hands roamed their bodies. They suddenly stopped at the sound of a loud crash.
"Oh my gosh! Freddiebear, what is going on here?" Mrs. Benson said before quickly stepping over the coffee mug she was carrying out of her room in the middle of the night, and rushing to the couch.
Freddie quickly moved to the far end of the couch, as far from Sam as possible. "Mom…this isn't what it looks like! We were just practicing…for a play…for drama club." Freddie quickly made up.
Mrs. Benson suddenly got a mischievous twinkle in her eye and smiled. "Alright Freddiebear, just make sure you go to bed soon." She said before walking to her room, because in her mind, Freddie dating the demon who constantly abuses him is such an adorable idea!
Sam and Freddie both looked at the door Mrs. Benson had disappeared behind, then at each other, and then back at the door. Freddie shrugged his shoulders and moved back over next to Sam. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back into him. But before they could get to the point they were at before, they were interrupted by the front door randomly bursting open.
"Hey Freddie! I heard a crash from my bedroom on the second floor in the next apartment over and I decided to see if everything's alright, and why is Sam here?" Carly suddenly added in, just realizing Sam's presence on the couch. She then took in their position and realized what she had just walked in on.
"Oh…." She said awkwardly and somewhat sadly as she stared at them. "Sam, can you come out here for a second?"
Sam nodded and followed Carly into the hallway. Although they had closed the door, Freddie could still hear what they were saying clearly.
"Sam! Why would you do this to me?" Freddie heard Carly frantically yelling at Sam in the hallway.
"What do you mean?"
"You're my best friend! You should've figured out that I'm in love with Freddie by now!" Carly yelled at Sam, her voice rising.
"What do you mean you're in love with Freddie? I'm in love with him!" Sam yelled back at her. Freddie heard the faint sound of skin hitting skin as Carly slapped Sam.
"How dare you! He loves me! He will only ever love me! You're just his replacement!" Carly screamed at her. Freddie didn't give Sam the chance to reply before he yanked the door open. The two girls stared at him in shock. As Freddie observed the scene, he noticed a slowly fading red mark the size of Carly's hand on Sam's cheek.
"Carly! How could you slap Sam?" Freddie screamed at her before pushing her against the wall of the hallway.
"Because! She's trying to steal you away from me! We both know that you'll only ever love me, right Freddie-poo?" Carly said with a fake sweetness.
Freddie rolled his eyes and then glared at her. "I never loved you. I just wanted Sam's attention!"
Sam, who had remained silent during Carly and Freddie's argument suddenly spoke up. "Do you really mean that Freddie?" she said hopefully.
Freddie turned away from Carly and stared lovingly at Sam. "Of course I do. I love you Samantha Puckett."
Sam's eyes began to tear up. She was so happy that she didn't even care that Freddie had used her real first name. "I love you too Fredward Benson!" she exclaimed before pulling him into a tooth crushing kiss.
Carly, seeing everything unfold, began to sob and ran into her apartment, remaining unnoticed by Sam and Freddie, who were in yet another passionate kiss.
After many years of dating, Sam and Freddie ended up getting married after a drunken night together caused Sam to get pregnant. Carly was ditched by Sam and Freddie after her attempt to steal Freddie away. She was killed in a car accident a few years later. After Carly's death, Spencer couldn't take living in the same apartment anymore so he moved to Los Angelus and gained fame as a set designer for horror movies. Everyone lived happily ever after…except for Carly….because she's dead…because she sucks…and everyone hates her.
The End :D
A/N: Cheesy enough for you? Cliché enough for you? Funny enough for you? Please tell me your thoughts in a review. I really wish you would, but you don't have to. Now to end this cliché fic with a cliché line that I have seen in so many Author's Notes that it's not even funny anymore.
"Please review! Please…do it for the children!" -_-
And on that note, "Peace out Suckers!" -_-