Time to Eat Your Chili
:…and that kids, is how he met their mother. Now I'm going to pass out these tests and I expect you to do your best.
( passes out the tests)
Eric: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
(Eric looks at Kyle's test)
(Kyle looks at him angrily)
Kyle: STOP CHEATING FATASS!
Eric: DON'T CALL ME A FATASS. YOU JEW BITCH!
: Kyle and Eric, is there a problem?
Kyle: YEAH, FATSO IS CHEATING!
Eric: I'M NOT FAT YOU STUPID JEW! I'M BIG BONED!
Kyle: Meryl Streep's chin is big boned. You're just a fat ass!
(The entire class laughs except Eric)
Stan: Cartman, you are fat ass that when you walk down the street people say, "GODDAMMIT, that's a fat ass!"
(Everyone laughs louder)
Eric: THAT'S NOT FUNNY STAN!
: Eric just stop cheating off Kyle's paper.
Eric: WHO THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CHEAT OFF OF?
: You're not supposed to-
(A person speaking into a megaphone is heard from outside)
Speaker: Attention South Park Elementary!
(Everyone rushes to the windows only to see that the speaker is Scott Tenorman with a very large group of gingers (including kids, old men, adults, and Conan O'Brien) behind him)
Eric: HOLY SHIT! IT'S SCOTT!
Scott: (still using megaphone) YES IT IS ME SCOTT TENORMAN!
Craig: Who?
Scott:(still using megaphone) I AM SICK AND TIRED OF US GINGERS BE DISRESPECTED! IF YOU ALL WILL NOT GIVE US THE RESPECT WE DESERVE, WE WILL JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT FROM YOU!
Eric:(yelling at Scott) SHUT UP TENORMAN! YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN'! Ha-ha, you get it Keenny?
Kenny: (muffled voice) Shut the fuck up fatass! You're the only one laughing!
Scott: (still using megaphone, but not yelling) Oh, If it isn't Eric Cartman. My half-brother!
(Everyone in the classroom gasps)
Craig: Eric, you didn't tell me you had such an awesome brother!
Scott: (still using megaphone but not yelling) You see Eric, you can make all the jokes you want, but at the end of the day, it will be TIME TO EAT YOUR CHILI!
(Eric makes a scared face)
Scott: (still using megaphone but not yelling) We the gingers plan for world domination! You didn't think we would just stop at this silly little school now did you? First it will be this school. Then the whole town. Then the state of Colorado! (he starts to get louder) THEN AMERICA! After that? We take over the world. Every place we go we will pick up more and more gingers until the world is one race and one race only. GINGER! MWAHAHAHAHA!
(Everyone in the school is silent)
Scott: (still using megaphone) NOW MY ROBOT MINIONS, GO INSIDE AND GRAB ALL THE GINGERS YOU CAN FIND!
(The class rushes into the hallway only to see that the school has gone into panic mode, with everyone running around and bumping into each other)
(The robots burst through the school doors )
Clyde: Every man for themselves!
(Everyone is still running around while Eric is looking for a place to hide)
(He hides in a closet but hears a voice)
Voice: Get your own hiding spot!
Eric: Who said that?
(Eric turns on the light to see that the voice is Kyle)
(They say both of each other's names at the same time)
Kyle: What are you doing here Cartman?
Eric: I'm hiding Kyle. What about you?
(Kyle does a facepalm)
(Cuts to the gym where everyone except the gingers are tied up onto chairs)
(Gingers and gingerbots are sitting in the rafters while Scott Tenorman is standing on the gym floor speaking)
Scott: Hello gingers. We have brought you here today for something very important. Are you tired of being picked on for the way you look? Are you a joke to others? Do you want to get revenge on those people who make fun of you day and night? Do you want to stop getting picked on by other children? Well that is what we are here to help you with today. You see, I've created a little thing called the "ginger movement"! Now are there any questions before I start?
(A boy raises his hand)
Scott: Yes?
Boy: Yeah, what if we don't want to join?
Scott: Hmm, I see. Gingerbot, take him in the "back room" please.
(A gingerbot escorts him to a dark closet in the back of the gym)
(In the closet)
Gingerbot: ANNHILATION!
Boy: What?
(The gingerbot takes out a grenade, pulls the clip and shoves it in the boy's mouth)
(The boy explodes and a person is heard in the closet)
Person: OH MY GOD!
(The gingerbot turns on the light to see that it Is a boy named Jonathan)
(Jonathan had gotten blood on him from the explosion and it had gotten in his hair which made him look like a ginger)
(The gingerbot dragged Jonathan out the closet)
Gingerbot: I found this boy hiding in the closet.
Scott: Hmm, why were you hiding?
Jonathan: I..I was afraid.
Scott: Afraid of what? You're one of us. After this movement there will be nothing for use fear. Do you understand?
Jonathan: Yes?
Scott: Now go sit down.
(Jonathan goes to sit down with a scared look on his face)
(The scene cuts to Kyle and Eric in the closet)
Cartman: I guess were closet huh Kyle? Get it Kyle? In the closet?
Kyle: (gets angry) SHUT UP CARTMAN! THIS IS SERIOUS! WE ARE IN A SERIOUS SITUATION! WE HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET OUT OF IT! SO COULD YOU JUST BE SERIOUS ONE TIME IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE! PLEASE! WE NEED TO SAFELY LEAVE THIS SCHOOL!
Eric: But what if they're in the school Kyle? We can't leave them here to die.
Kyle: Wait, wait, wait. What did you just say?
Eric: I said we can't leave the here to die.
Kyle: So you're telling me you actually care what happens to the people?
Eric: Yes Kyle, their our friends, and neighbors and we can't let them down.
Kyle: Wow, Cartman you really do care don't you?
Eric: Yes Kyle.
Kyle: Ok, so do you have a plan?
Eric: I've had a plan this entire time. Tell me Kyle, what is three things we know about Gingers?
Kyle: Umm, they have red hair?
Eric: No Kyle, we know they don't have souls. We know that for every soul they steal, they earn a freckle. And last but certainly not least, it takes a ginger to defeat another ginger.
Kyle: (tries to stay calm) Ok Cartman, even if that were true, how does it help us?
Eric: Didn't you hear me Kyle? IT TAKES A GINGER TO DEFEAT ANOTHER GINGER!
Kyle: So?
Eric: Kyle, what are you?
Kyle: Human.
Eric: No, no, no. I mean, what color is your hair?
Kyle: Red
Eric: And that makes you a…
Kyle: Ginger?
Eric: YES KYLE!
Kyle: Ok, even that stuff about gingers is true, how would I defeat him?
(Eric gets in Kyle's face)
Eric: Use the force Kyle.
(Cuts to the gym with the gingers and the hostages)
Scott: Hmm, how's about some entertainment?
(All the gingerbots say yes)
Scott: Good.
(He points at Jonathan)
Scott: You! Come here!
Jonathan: Me?
Scott: Yes you.
(Jonathan walks to Scott)
Scott: Hmmm.
(Scott points at Kenny)
Scott: Bring him the boy in the orange jacket to me.
(The gingerbots take Kenny to Scott)
Scott: What's your name?
Jonathan: I'm Jonathan Thorne.
Scott: Ok, Jonathan, shoot this boy.
Jonathan: What?
Scott: I SAID SHOOT THIS BOY!
Jonathan: (scared) OK!
(Scott hands him a gun)
(Jonathan points the gun at Kenny)
Jonathan: I'm sorry.
Kenny: (muffled screams)
(Jonathan shoots Kenny and Kenny dies)
(Scott laughs insanely)
Jonathan: (sad) I killed Kenny.
(Cuts back to Kyle and Eric)
Eric: Kyle, are you ready?
Kyle: Yeah.
(Eric opens the door and they start walking around)
Kyle :( still walking) Cartman, if this doesn't work, I'm gonna kick your ass.
Eric: (still walking) Kyle, I think I know what I'm talking about. You will defeat these gingers.
Kyle: You better be right.
(They pass by the gym and hear some noise)
Kyle: Cartman, wait a second.
Eric: What?
Kyle: Bend down in front of the door for a second.
Eric: Kyle, I know were friends and all but-
(Kyle interrupts Eric)
Kyle: DO IT! I need to see into the gym.
Eric: Ohhh, Ok.
(Eric bends down in front of the door and Kyle climbs on his back to see through the window into the gym)
Eric: OUCH KYLE!
Kyle: Oh my god.
Eric: What do you see Kyle?
Kyle: They killed Kenny.
Eric: The bastards. So who is in there?
Kyle: Everyone
Eric: Including Clyde?
Kyle: Yea, why do you care?
(Kyle gets off of Eric's back and Eric stands up)
Eric: He's just one of my best friends.
Kyle: Ok?
Eric: I think it's time Kyle.
Kyle: This better work Cartman.
Eric: It will Kyle!
(Kyle thinks to himself for a second)
Eric: KYLE!
Kyle: Oh sorry, I was just thinking you could help me.
Eric: I can't Kyle.
Kyle: Yes you can.
Eric: NO I CAN'T KYLE!
Kyle: Scott's your brother right?
Eric: STOP IT KYLE!
Kyle: And if he's your brother, that means-
Eric: NO KYLE!
Kyle: That means you're a-
Eric: DON'T SAY IT KYLE!
Kyle: Eric Cartman is a-
Eric: KYLE I SWEAR TO GOD!
Kyle: You're a ginger!
Eric: GOD DAMMIT KYLE!
Kyle: Cartman it's ok. We will defeat the gingers together.
Eric: NO IT'S NOT OK KYLE!
Kyle: Yes it is! WE CAN DO THIS CARTMAN! BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIVE WE CAN! OK?
Eric: Ok Kyle. I believe we can do this.
Kyle: Ok Cartman, now how exactly do we use "the force"?
Eric: I don't know, I guess you just stand there and close your eyes.
Kyle: WHAT, YOU BROUGHT US THIS FAR AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?
Eric: Calm down Kyle. You have to believe. Remember?
Kyle: (calming down) Ok, we better not die.
Eric: We won't Kyle. Now let's go!
Kyle: Ok, on 3. 1…2….3!
(Kyle opens the door to the gym. He and Eric enter the gym)
Scott: Well, well, well. If it isn't Eric Cartman. Who is this your boyfriend? You know I was waiting for you, right? Why do you think I'm still here? You think I wouldn't notice you missing? You are the only reason I came to this school! And I know the exact reason why you're here. And it's not because you want to save all these people. You wanted something from your friend Clyde.
Kyle: Wait, what?
Eric: No Scott!
Scott: You let him borrow Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. And I knew you were not leaving this school until you got your game back.
Kyle: WHAT THE FUCK CARTMAN! JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU CHANGED INSIDE! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!
Eric: It is a really good game Kyle.
Kyle: YOU MAKE ME SICK!
Eric: Kyle, have you played that game?
Kyle: SHUT UP!
Scott: Well, if you're done with your little soap opera, gingerbots retrieve their souls!
(All of the human gingers and Jonathan hide behind the bleachers)
Eric: TAKE MY HAND KYLE!
Kyle: HELL NO CARTMAN!
Eric: KYLE YOU CAN BE MAD LATER, THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER!
Kyle: CARTMAN, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
Eric: I DON'T WANT TO DIE WITHOUT BEATING THAT CAMPAIGN MODE KYLE!
Kyle: WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU!
Eric: KYLE WE ARE GOING TO DIE! TAKE MY HAND!
(As Kyle sees the gingerbots getting closer and closer he reluctantly to Eric's hand and they both close their eyes and use "the force")
Eric: IT'S NOT WORKING KYLE. TAKE OFF YOUR HAT!
Kyle: What?
Eric: TAKE IT OFF!
(Kyle takes off his hat and they both close their eyes)
(As the gingerbots get closer, Mysterion quietly enters the room)
Mysterion: (thinking to himself) How can I save Kyle?
(The robots get closer and closer to Eric and Kyle as Mysterion thinks)
(Suddenly Mysterion pulls the fire alarm)
Eric:(still has eyes closed) Kyle, I think we did that.
(The robots start to walk a lot slower because of the water)
(Scott turns around and Mysterion quickly grabs the gun that Jonathan shot him with earlier)
(Scott starts to run to the fire alarm to stop it)
(Mysterion shoots the water pipes above the robots and all of the water falls out onto the robots)
(The robots malfunction and fall to the floor)
(Mysterion chases after Scott and they both run out the back door of the gym)
(Eric and Kyle open their eyes to see the wet robots on the wet floor)
Eric: We did it Kyle!
Kyle: Wait, that actually worked?
(All the human gingers and Jonathan come from under the bleachers)
Jonathan: Is it over?
Eric: (happy) Yeah dude!
Kyle: How did that work?
Eric: It's just the spirit of believing in oneself Kyle.
Kyle: ?
(Eric goes to untie Clyde)
Eric: Clyde, where's my game?
Clyde: It's at my house.
Eric: Then let's go get it.
(Clyde and Eric walk out the back door)
(Kyle goes to untie Stan)
Kyle: Are you ok Stan?
Stan: Yeah, man.
Kyle: Well, do you want to go play Modern Warfare 3 with Cartman and Clyde?
Stan: HELL YEAH DUDE!
(Stan and Kyle walk the out the gym)
Jonathan: So it's over?
Ginger Kid: I guess so.
Jonathan: Well, see you guys later.
(All the gingers and Jonathan leave the gym and Jonathan turns off the lights)
(Cuts to schoolyard)
(Kenny sees Stan and Kyle walking and quickly joins them)
(Jonathan sees Kenny and yells his name)
Jonathan: KENNY, KENNY!
(Kenny turns around and walks to him)
Kenny: (muffled) what?
Jonathan: (confused) I thought, I killed you …I…In the gym?
Kenny: (muffled) You did…WAIT? YOU REMEMBER THAT?
Jonathan: YEAH, BUT HOW ARE YOU-
Kenny: (muffled) FOLLOW ME!
(They both run to Kenny's house as the camera pans out to see Eric, with Clyde. Stan, with Kyle. And Jonathan running with Kenny)
(TO BE CONTINUED)
(Cuts back to the dark gym as every one of the hostages try to scream with tape over their mouths)
(THE END)