Leaving Her
Image #11
Word Count: 2,706
Rating: PG
Summary: Edward is faced with having to decide to leave Bella after years of heartache. What will his decision be?

Three hours. That was how long I had been sitting down the block from her house. When I first pulled up to this spot, the rain had just begun with a light sprinkle. The storm was predicted to be a bad one. I should have taken cover long ago when the wind and rain reached a point that I couldn't see a foot outside the window, but something was forcing me to sit and think about what I was about to do.

Three hours. She was going to be pissed. She was so fabulous when she was pissed, too, I thought as I chuckled to myself thinking about all the times she had gotten mad at me over the years. She thought she was tough, and she was, in her own way, but I had learned long ago that in most cases, the toughness was only a disguise for her pain. Her mother had left her when she was a child so that she could find herself. The anger I harbored over her mother's abandonment meant little to me in comparison to the distaste I had for myself when I considered the fact that each time I had left her had reinforced her own insecurities. So instead of doing the thing I had come to do, I sat in that god-forsaken, shitty-ass truck of my brother's – remembering the times that I had left her in the past and wondering... Could I do it again?

I would never forget the first time I met her. I could still remember how it felt to separate from her after only a few short hours. How much hope there had been between the two of us, how our relationship grew so fast and fierce in the months that followed. It wasn't by choice we were separated – we had curfew and both of us had to get home so that we could see each other again the next night – but even that first night, I knew she was something special. It was by chance we had been introduced even though we had lived only 20 minutes away from each other our entire lives. No matter the reason, leaving her that night had me aching and hoping for the following 18 hours to speed by like a flash of lightning.

There was the first time, no, the only time we had ever broken up and what it did to both of us when I left. If I had only given her time to explain what I had seen – oh how I wished that I had never seen him kissing her – maybe we would be in a totally different place now. Being immature and overreacting, I had walked out of her house, leaving her crying quietly without looking back. Little did she know the act of walking away from her that night had killed a piece of me, too. We had spent so much time going over the whys and what ifs this past year. We both agreed it was a worthless exercise because we knew there was nothing that would change the past. Living on the little faith I had left, I reassured myself that our life together now wouldn't be as good if everything had worked out perfectly. If we had continued our relationship and became the ultimate high school sweethearts who had married right out of high school and not followed our dreams, we would probably be one of those couples that secretly resented each other. Hell, even if we had stayed together through high school, I knew it was best for us to experience life outside of our small towns and see more of the world before settling down. Of course, that didn't seem to matter at the time. It still sucked to leave her like I had.

Recounting all the times I had either walked away from her or we had been separated by circumstances, I welcomed each shard of pain that came with the memories that sliced through me. One by one, I wandered through the memories: Jasper's party and the amazing night we spent together, the festival where Bella got so wasted she cried, puked and passed out. Even Jasper and Alice's wedding was among the memories I revisited. It was what I needed to do to make this decision. That didn't mean I didn't sit there wincing at each and every memory.

We had only officially dated a brief amount of time in comparison to the time that we spent apart. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I should have known that we were too young to fall in love as fast as we had. We had hurt each other and ourselves in the process. As the saying goes, "The heart wants what it wants" and deep down, even the times I tried to trick myself into loving another, I had always wanted her. Through those years apart, I hoped she had wanted me just as badly. I should have recognized the want we had for each other when our paths had crossed. Maybe I was too busy looking at the forest to see the trees.

A year ago, after our rocky beginning, we decided to have a new start. Our second chance had been enlightening, challenging and full of new firsts. It was awkward when we started, since it had been 7 years since we first met. We thought we knew each other pretty well back then. We were both wrong and I was surprised to find out how little I had truly known. We had a history and, being honest with myself, it wasn't a very good one, with the exception of the five months we had dated so long ago. The time apart certainly was not a period I looked back on with much fondness. Even though it was difficult between us at times, I never gave up. Every time she acted like she wanted to pull away, I didn't let her. There were times that I thought she intentionally picked fights or did things that she knew would get under my skin to see how much I could take. She asked me if I was strong enough for her. I wanted to be. I wasn't sure that I was though. I was afraid that she would follow in Renee's footsteps and leave me. It was a ridiculous notion. Wasn't it?

We had grown closer than we had ever been. This time was different. This time, we knew each other – really knew each other. I loved her more than I had ever thought possible. I was consumed by her. She had shared her dreams and hopes for the future and I had shared mine. We had bared our souls, our secrets and our bodies. I learned everything about her, and there wasn't a piece of me that I hadn't shared with her. It felt like we couldn't get any closer. Yet, I was still scared.

Recently, I felt the urge to run, and I couldn't explain it. Was it just the fear of her leaving me for a change that had me on edge? The job I was just offered would give me the perfect out to leave again, even though I had been surprised when the head of the largest metro-area firm contacted me out of the blue. Mr. Volturi had been keeping his eyes on me after I had designed a building that was located near his corporate headquarters a couple of years ago. Considering a life elsewhere had not really ever been an option for me. I had never thought about leaving home permanently. There were so many things to consider. The least of them was Bella. Keeping the trip a secret, I didn't tell Bella, or anyone else for that matter, the true nature of the trip or the possibilities that it held for me. I didn't want them to try to encourage me - building me up and telling me that I could and should grab that golden ring of opportunity. Especially since I wasn't sure if I wasn't sure I wanted to even reach for it.

Volturi was known for hiring only the best of the best, the most talented individuals that he could find. A trip to the city to meet with a client about a job that was under construction had been on my schedule for the past several weeks, so I leveraged that visit to meet with Volturi while I was there. I had been gone for four days. The meeting with Volturi went exceptionally well and he offered me a comprehensive salary and benefits package on the spot. It was everything I had ever wanted, but I had this horrible feeling in my stomach about it. In my head, I had made lists of pros and cons. The quantity of pros for the job was greater than the cons though the cons outweighed the pros simply in quality. I knew in my heart that it would come down to Bella.

Bella was cooking supper for me tonight, as had become the custom for about the past month or so. Not because I couldn't cook or fend for myself, but cooking, I had discovered, was something that she really enjoyed. It seemed that each time she did cook for me, it was something new that she had found online and couldn't get out of her head. She would tell me how she saw a picture of the dish and could almost taste it. She had moved out of her childhood home into a rented little cottage that sat at the end of a cul-de-sac, but on a street not far from Charlie and her grandmother. We tended to spend most of our time there rather than at the house I had rented for the past several years. She had started working on a new book and it was easier for her to slip into her office and tap out a few pages on her keyboard when the inspiration hit her rather than lugging her laptop to my house. Bella was always trying to find a comfortable spot before her thoughts floated away from her before she could get them down. If we weren't near a computer, she was thumbing away on her Blackberry. It was also easier for us to find time to ourselves this way. The thought of our second first time floated through my memory and instantly, my jeans felt much tighter. The mere thought of her big, brown eyes and pouty lips could turn me on so quickly. I couldn't begin to think about the rest of her body or I would have a big problem on my hands, which I did not have time to deal with before taking care of the decision I needed to make.

Returning to town earlier in the day, I had gone home to shower and change clothes. After I was clean and dressed, I drove over to Jasper's to bring in the horses since he and Ali had left for the weekend at the beach around lunchtime. Since then, I had been to the property that Bella and I loved so much and driven aimlessly through the deserted roads near the river mulling over what I was going to do. Traveling around the countryside is where I did my best thinking. My thinking is what told me to remember my past, to learn from it, and make the decision. I had arrived at Bella's when I had told her I would – or at least near Bella's. I hadn't pulled into her driveway to alert her of my presence; choosing instead to sit a few houses away and watching her front door while I made my final decision.

I had been sitting here for three hours, and my ass was asleep. But I had made my mind up, and now I was ready to tell Bella and get on with my life. It was now or never. I started Jasper's truck, flipped open my cell, selected her name and pressed send. It rang twice before she answered, "Edward? Are you ok? You were supposed to be here hours ago! I swear to all that is holy, if..."

Cutting her off in the middle of her rant, I told her, "Bella, I need you to come outside," just as I put the truck in drive. I rolled the couple hundred yards to the front of her house. Footsteps echoed over the phone as she walked through her house. My palms were sweaty and my insides were churning.

"Um, Edward, you do realize it's been pouring like cats and dogs for the past 30 minutes, right? Do you really want me to come outside?"

Shifting the truck into park, I couldn't wait any longer. Her front door parted and blew open with the force of the wind before she stepped out wrapping one arm around her still holding the phone to her ear. I didn't even shut the truck door before I started slowly walking up the steps to the walkway. I watched her place the phone on the wicker chair that sat on her front porch and then she walked towards me. I stopped walking and stood there looking at her. She was so beautiful and perfect, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself an internal pep-talk and cleared my throat before I began. "I love you, Bella. I've always loved you, but now, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire existence." I shouted at her through the rain, "I'm late because I've been sitting down the road there," I pointed behind me, "trying to decide what to do."

She had started slowly down the concrete stairs of her house with a look of amusement and confusion on her face, holding a small umbrella. "Edward, come inside and talk to me. You're getting drenched."

"I know. Ok, yeah, let's go inside." I took one step forward before pausing and lowering myself to a crouch. "Wait, I need to tie my shoe."

"Geez, Edward, come out of the rain and then tie your shoe. Better yet, take them off on the porch and come inside. I'm sure they're full of water by now." She scoffed as she turned back to the house. She had no idea.

"Turn around, Bella." She stopped and stiffened, taking a deep breath and holding it, obviously affected by the serious tone of my voice. She stood completely frozen for what seemed like an eternity before I heard her just loud enough over the rain say, "Oh my God… You're leaving."

"Turn around, Bella." I told her again. "Now."

I saw her slowly start to turn her head, and then her shoulders and the rest of her followed reluctantly as she stood on the walkway to her house. When she had fully turned around and looked at me, tears were already threatening to spill onto her cheeks. She had never looked more gorgeous, even if she was absolutely wrong about my intentions. The rain was pouring all around me, and the wind was whipping her hair around her shoulders. It was that moment that I knew I had made the right decision - the only decision that would make any sense. As I stayed on one knee, I pulled my hand from my pocket. Raising my hand, clutching the ring I bought yesterday with my finger and thumb out, I grinned and breathed out, "Marry me?"

She barked out a laugh through her tears. Before I knew it, she had dropped the umbrella and was flying towards me. She launched herself into my arms, throwing her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, crying happy tears that mixed with the rain. "You're not leaving," She gasped. She shook her head in disbelief while she giggled in my arms before kissing me lightly on the lips and whispering in my ear, "You didn't have to tie your shoe? Are you serious?"

"Yes, Bella. Marry me," I choked out as my emotions overtook me and I stood there holding her as tight as possible. "I'm never leaving you again."