An Introduction to Hourglasses (Community Fic)

by VeryFineHat

Jeff has always been sensitive about age. What happens when his insecurity threatens the group's fabric? What is Chang doing? Who would Troy rather be? This contains these answers. I've written this in script format in a single chapter because I'm more comfortable with it. Feedback would be amazing!

Introduction to Hourglasses

by

Karli Marulli

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

1 INT. STUDY ROOM- MORNING (DAY 1)

JEFF, BRITTA, ANNIE, ABED, SHIRLEY, PIERCE, and TROY slowly filter in, catching up and taking their seats at the study table. After a while, they notice they are in the wrong seats. They awkwardly correct themselves. Jeff speaks.

JEFF

Well, I can only hope that this kind of over- shooting and lack of rhythm is restricted to Usher impersonators, but, in the case that this is a terrible omen for the coming year-

BRITTA

Jeff, can we please not start this already?

ABED

I actually think that may have been a happy mistake, a fresh start. We all saw the room from a slightly different perspective, for however brief a period. Let that affect your day to whatever degree you choose.

ANNIE

Um,speaking of degrees, this is a good chance to make sure we don't fall behind again. We could start studying early.

JEFF

(Exasperated, throws his head back and yells)

Glistening Latinos!

(Waits, expecting the DEAN. Nothing. Everyone looks puzzled.)

Bare shoulder blades?!

(Still nothing. This is madness!)

A pool party that's just pool boys?

Suddenly, the dean bursts in, as usual.

DEAN

Third time's the charm! That what I said about fixing Greendale's notoriously spastic wheelchair lift. According to my homework for a joke workshop I'm taking, it left more seniors on the ground than airlines who make their safety protocols into hip-hop routines.

The study group offers light applause and nods of approval.

PIERCE I don't get it yet.

JEFF

Yet?

PIERCE

Yes, Jeff, optimism isn't just for the young. They say that positivity has anti-aging effects.

BRITTA

Is the "They" whichever store that is still trying to peddle Hawaiian print shirts?

PIERCE

Meow.

BRITTA

That wasn't that nasty.

The Dean is trying to cut in, but looks very put-out

DEAN

Now, I think-

PIERCE

(to Britta)

Oh, I know. I'm just getting you used to the language you'll be picking up from your emaciated felines once you start getting older.

Britta hisses at Pierce.

SHIRLEY

I'm just glad I'll always have my boys to keep me company when I'm closer to sitting beside Jesus.

PIERCE

Well, that's dark. Oh, I didn't mean it like, well, you know.

SHIRLEY

No I don't.

ANNIE

Shirley, your boys won't be around forever. If we learned anything from biology last year, it's that everything eventually grows and adjusts.

SHIRLEY

(Getting offended) Tell that to your sweaters.

Annie and the Dean gasp and Annie covers herself.

DEAN

Yeah, I think that's where I draw my line.

The Dean shoots Jeff the "throwing up" sign as he leaves.

SHIRLEY (CONT.)

Yeah. How are those gonna deal with putting on a few years?

TROY

You could hang upside down alot.

ANNIE

(Gasps) Troy!

TROY

What?! That's what I'm gonna do. Realize my childhood dream. A jungle gym with maps that have "You are here" markers. Take that, mom.

PIERCE

What about you, Abed? Do you get moved to a higher Arab echelon? More elaborate turban? Flatter foot arches?

JEFF

Hey! Watch-Wait, foot arches?

PIERCE

It's a lesser-known stereotype

Abed points to Pierce and nods.

TROY

Oh! Like Burton Stereos? We had one when I was growing up. It wasn't brand name or anything but at least the old lady downstairs had something to bang her broom on the ceiling for.(He pauses, reminiscing) Ima be like that when I get old. How about you Jeff?

JEFF

(Disbelief) What?

(END OF COLD OPEN)

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

2 INT. STUDY ROOM- MORNING ( STILL DAY 1)

Action immediately follows the cold open.

ANNIE

When you're old, Jeff. What do you think you'll be like?

JEFF

(Agitated) Uh, maybe we should start studying.

Jeff looks down at all of his papers. On the "name" line at the top of all of them, "Jeff Winger" slowly starts to morph into "Ugly" "Unwanted" "ALONE". His head snaps up.

JEFF (CONT.)

Uh, you know what? Studies show that a regular sleep pattern really aids in fact recall, I'm just going to go- (He starts to get up)

TROY

Yeah, and you "Older folk" really need your rest.

JEFF

What did you just say.

ANNIE

Jeff, it's no secret, we're all getting older. Admittedly, Troy and I less than the rest of you, but it's still a fact.

Troy high fives Annie.

JEFF

I'm not that much older!

TROY

Speaking of Jeff being older, Annie, do you remember playing "The floor is lava"?

JEFF ANNIE

YES! Sure! At camp-

JEFF

(Sitting back down) I used to play that all the time! Back in the day, but not back, back in the day.

SHIRLEY

Oh, my boys love that, jumping up on the furniture and whatnot! (Suddenly seething) Even though I explained that no, Mommy can't go get another set of throw pillows once they've been torn, because Pier One's unique legacy is their thrifty, one of a kind pieces!

Everyone stares at Shirley.

PIERCE

Jeff, when you were a kid, the floor probably WAS lava! You know, with dinosaurs, volcanoes, third things.

JEFF

Pierce, you're probably the only one who can't pull of that joke.

PIERCE

Oh please, my youth is Jessica Bealson (not a person), yours is Jodi Foster!

Everyone gasps. Shirley mouths "Jessica Bealson?" across the table at Jeff, who shrugs. Troy does the same to Annie with "Jodi Foster?", she is also clueless.

JEFF

(Angrily) You know what, all of you get a good feel of ground beneath your feet because tomorrow, I'm going to have you bending over it and facing cracks you never thought you'd have to.

He storms off. Troy nods, Annie fans herself.

PIERCE

Strange. I was expecting a gay comment.

3 INT. LOUNGE- SHORTLY AFTER

Shirley walks up to a vending machine that Pierce is hitting angrily.

SHIRLEY

Pierce, can we talk about something.

PIERCE

I don't need your jabber right now. What I'd like is a granola bar but apparently that's too much to ask!

SHIRLEY

(Exploding) Shut it Pierce, you look like an old fool!

PIERCE

Oh! That's what this is about, the conversation in the study room yesterday. Are you that insecure?

SHIRLEY

How dare you! I am very secure, I would just like to know that I can still beat the tight pants off those green bananas.

PIERCE

Yes! This is how that one dream always starts.

SHIRLEY

Let's just start planning some stuff before I rethink this.

They move to a table to sit, PAN TO: Abed listening in from behind another vending machine, eating a granola bar.

4 CUT TO: THE STUDY ROOM, LATER.

Troy, Annie, Britta, and Abed are sitting in the Study Room.

TROY

Annie, I'm telling you! The Rugrats was a metaphor for drug use and insanity!

ANNIE

Yeah right! Next you're going to tell me that All That was racially charged beyond our understanding.

BRITTA

Believe me, Annie, children's programming is riddled with subliminal messages.

ABED

Very true. Some of the most prominent symbols in a program can turn out to actually be intended for less than noble purposes. Not surprisingly, this can be both upsetting and confusing to audiences.

As Abed says this, he takes a small baggie full of white powder from his pocket and tapes it to the underside of the study room table. Jeff emerges from his silence.

JEFF

Abed, don't waste your sugar and baggies.

BRITTA

You sound like my uncle. He took a lot of naps.

JEFF

(Suddenly uneasy and frantic) Well, Tom and Jerry, right? There were tons of messages in that about like, dominance, or gender roles. Right?

TROY

Speaking of old things, where are Shirley and Pierce? We should be starting the game soon.

Jeff can see that he's losing. Abed looks like he's about to reveal what he knows, but decides to keep it to himself.

ABED

Maybe they're just running late.

JEFF

Yeah, well go find them. So we can crush them. Tell them that... Or don't. Just make sure you get back before the floor is lava-d

ABED

Ahh..

Britta shrugs off her jacket and grabs Abed's arm

BRITTA

C'mon

They leave, Abed trying to veil his panic. Troy turns to Jeff.

TROY

Do you believe all that? About the symbols in shows and stuff? That they're all something a lot worse?

JEFF

(Lays a hand on Troy's shoulder) No Troy, I swear on Greendale's flag.

5. CUT TO: INT. WHEELCHAIR LIFT

Shirley and Pierce, both holding bags of supplies, a tent, lanterns, and other survival gear, approach the wheelchair lift.

SHIRLEY

Imagine when we'll need things like these just to get around? So dependent on others.

PIERCE

Well, that won't be my problem for awhile, my architect told me that I have legs like doric columns, and now I have doric columns like doric columns. That's great salesmanship

SHIRLEY

And sloppy simile use. (Refocuses) Alright, lets make this lift like the wings for our success bird.

Pierce opens up the tent and pitches it while Shirley starts setting out their supplies.

PIERCE

Pitching a tent, wow. Nothing makes a man feel quite like this. My dad used to say that pitching of all types is a big part of becoming a man. First, pitching a baseball, then a tent, and finally-

SHIRLEY

-Am I going to like the third thing?

PIERCE

And finally, pitching a ball back to your own son.

Shirley is pleasantly surprised by this confession.

SHIRLEY

Well, that's lovely, Pierce. My boys learned camping and whatnot at bible camp. I tried my best to make up for Andre not always being around.

PIERCE

Well, his loss. Lets get this set up.

6. CUT TO: A CLEARED SPACE IN THE LIBRARY

CHANG is directing his CHANGLORIOUS BASTERDS in the building of Chang's Chinese Laundry and Supply Ship.(Pictured on a painted sign) They are all sweating and toiling in the baking sun, because the blinds are being used as sails. The ship is a rolling platform, gaudily adorned with Chinese details

CHANG

Feel the laboring burn in your tendons! That's the feel of manhood, laying heavily against the back of your neck (Swipes his finger agaist the nape of a BOY'S neck and licks it)Mmmm. Manhood.

BOY

Emperor General, why would you reinforce such a restricting stereotype about yourself?

CHANG

It's called embracing my heritage. If Salma Hayek can do it so blatantly, there should be no reason for me to hide behind western conformism. Obey, slave boy! I'll get you Wendy's afterwards.

BOY

Fine. But where should I put this?

The boy reaches to the ground and picks up a golden idol of a dragon wrapped around a steering wheel. The tasteless idol shines as gongs crash.

CHANG

(Grabs the idol and cradles it) Don't! Don't ever put your filthy hands on this. Your paw oils just mingled with the fading fingerprints of once-great emperors of old!

BOY

Jeez-

CHANG

Buddha heard that. You just bought yourself the most blase delivery boy he can conjure the next time you decide to order take-out!

(He strides to the helm of the "ship" and kisses the idol before placing it lovingly upon a cushioned platform. The dean walks in)

DEAN

Ben, I thought we already overdid parades a few seasons ago.

CHANG

This is no parade float, dean. This beauty is my ticket to victory when this sweet, sturdy floor becomes molten lava.

DEAN

Lava?!

CHANG

Haven't you heard? The Study Group is having a "The Floor is Lava" contest in another battle of genders vs. ages vs. sexualities, or whatever they're trying to prove to each other.

DEAN

Don't you mean a "Floor is Lava" contest?

CHANG

Oh, yeah! It's right after the "Caveman Speak" contest in the dust pile out back.

DEAN

Have you seen "The Social Network"? It just streamlines the name and prevents confusion.

CHANG

Ah, speaking of, here she is. (Pushing kids out of the way) Finally complete. The "Chang Dynasty Laundry and Supply Ship" ship.

The ship is series of connected rolling platforms covered in red and gold tissue paper and painted gaudily with animals and meaningless symbols. There are sails made of the dismembered blinds, which resemble those of imperial Asian trading ships.

When Dean turns back to Chang, Chang has attached two shoelaces to his upper lip to resemble the stringy mustache of a Chinese emperor.

CHANG

Yen for your thoughts?

DEAN

Not even if I knew what they looked like.

CUT TO: HALLWAY

Abed and Britta are looking for Pierce and Shirley. Abed is anxious. They stop near the cafeteria entrance, only adding to Abed's fear.

BRITTA

You know what? This whole thing is so typical.

ABED

That bordered on meaningless. I see what you mean, though. This competition is based on Jeff's unwillingness to accept the inevitable; time.

BRITTA

Speaking of the inevitable, looking for things always makes me have to pee. Give me a sec?

ABED

(Nervous) I'll see if I can find one without peeing.

BRITTA

Abed! Unecessary! Is something wrong, you seem...tense.

ABED

I'm sorry Britta. No, nothing's wrong.

Britta still seems concerned but slouches down the hall to a bathroom. Abed's eyes dart in the direction of the cafeteria. He enters to find Pierce and Shirley laughing, talking and setting up quite an impressive camp on the wheelchair lift. They spot Abed.

PIERCE

Abed! Get out! Shouldn't you be off planning with everyone else?

SHIRLEY

Oh lord, I didn't know your kind had spies!

ABED

I come in peace. And I trust you guys not to say "And you'll leave in pieces" because it's 2013 and no one here has a letterman jacket. My intention is not to spy or to sabotage, but to observe. Seeing as the issue of age is permeating our group, I'm curious as to how you two handle the situation as opposed to Jeff and the others.

PIERCE

More straight.

SHIRLEY

Abed, we're just trying to prove that we can still beat you guys at something. We may not share the same values as you, but strategy is ageless.

PIERCE

Yeah! And our strategy is Easy, Breezy and Beautiful.

ABED

Covergirl?

PIERCE

You're gonna need to take cover, girl!

(Britta's voice rings out from the hall)

BRITTA

Abed?

ABED

(Looks to Shirley and Pierce)

Please keep this to yourselves, and I won't tell everyone else that you're using the wheelchair lift.

Abed leaves.

SHIRLEY

Oh, that sounded strange, us "using" the wheelchair lift.

PIERCE

He'll probably say that for laughs anyway. Lets get back to work.

8. CUT TO HALLWAY OUTSIDE CAFETERIA

Britta sprints up to Abed.

BRITTA

There you are! Didn't your parents ever yell at you for doing that at water parks?

ABED

No. They never did anything to me at a water park. We never went.

BRITTA

I...well.. just don't wander off like that, especially when we're supposed to be looking for Shirley and Pierce. Still no idea about where they could be?

ABED

Nope. And we have to get back to the study room before the floor becomes lava.

BRITTA

I got it! The student lounge!

She rushes off and Abed follows.

CUT TO THE STUDY ROOM

Troy, Annie, and Jeff are standing around the table, which is covered in diagrams and books, strategizing.

ANNIE

I don't understand your reasoning!

JEFF

Annie, it's as simple as it gets. We create designated paths of objects so we can move about freely.

ANNIE

What if someone moves something or one of the objects gets knocked over?

JEFF

We'll station people at intervals for maintenance.

TROY

This is why my plan was better.

JEFF

Really?! The vents? I swear they trapped the echoes of Chang's cackling and vaseline smudges.

TROY

Is that it, Jeff? It's not that the vents are a little too tight, maybe?

JEFF

I'm a very broad-shouldered man, Troy.

ANNIE

Guys! Can you drop the immature, macho crap for a second? We need a plan for this game!

JEFF

Don't try to make this a gender thing, Annie. It's a matter of age!

CUT TO: INT. WHEELCHAIR LIFT

Shirley and Pierce on the wheelchair life, busily opening folding chairs and stacking canned foods.

SHIRLEY

I guess the floor should be lava soon.

PIERCE

Ha! Listen to us. Look at us! Trying to keep up with younger people and end up sounding like old kooks anyway

Shirley shakes her head and laughs.

SHIRLEY

(still laughing) Well, we're at the right school for it! I mean, what kind of dean allows the theoretical liquefaction of all the floors in his school to entertain the egos of a few students?

Suddenly, the wheelchair lift creaks and lurches, and begins climbing steadily upward,Pierce and Shirley shriek and make moves to step off the platform, but it's too high up by the time they get to the edge.

PIERCE

Maybe the kind of dean who-

SHIRLEY

Shut up!

CUT TO STUDENT LOUNGE

Abed and Britta are poking around. Abed is still antsy but Britta is too determined to notice. Suddenly, the loudspeaker crackles to life with MAGNITUDE's voice.

V/O (MAGNITUDE)

Attention students and faculty. For some unproductive, illogical, and probably pretty immature reason, every floor surface in Greendale will be molten lava in about 10 seconds. If you touch the floor after this time, just go home because you're out. So just stay where you are if that sounds pretty sweet to you. Alright, I shall begin the countdown.

BRITTA

Abed!

Abed is already standing on one of the couches. He easily and silently pulls her up next to him.

V/O (MAGNITUDE)

10...9... 8

CUT TO: STUDY ROOM

Troy, Annie and Jeff looking worriedly at each other and Troy finally sweeps all of their intricate plans angrily off the table. He walks over to the vent and opens it for Annie to climb in, then Jeff, and finally crawls in himself.

V/O (MAGNITUDE)

7...6...5

CUT TO: CLEARED AREA IN THE LIBRARY

Chang and his Changlorious Basterds have finished Chang's Chinese Laundry and Supply Ship and are confidently poised atop it. Chang is still sporting his shoelace mustache and cheap-looking Chinese robes. The boys begin to row forward while Chang looks toward the horizon and places both hands on the steering wheel idol, petting it.

V/O (MAGNITUDE)

4...3...2...1. LAVA!

CUT TO: INT. WHEELCHAIR LIFT

Shirley is pacing nervously while Pierce rests in a folding chair.

SHIRLEY

Oh Pierce! What are we going to do! No one's going to risk the trip over here to save us! How long do you think we could be here?

PIERCE

(Pulls out his phone casually and checks the time) No idea.

Shirley huffs but then eyes the cell phone, conflicted.

CUT TO: STUDENT LOUNGE

Britta and Abed are seated cross-legged, facing each other on the couch.

ABED

This is less fun than I expected. I figured there'd be a lot more hopping and balancing than just sitting around.

BRITTA

That's what my cousin said about skyscraper construction, but then he got fired for making catcalls at a female judge. In his defense, he was also both kinds of high.

ABED

I wish I had cool stories about my family like that. I'm one of the youngest and an only child so I've never really had cousins or siblings to play with or learn from. The Nadirs have a long line of health professionals and dentists so it's a bit of a taboo to deviate from that path.

BRITTA

If I were an elder Nadir, I'd spread the slit in my face fabric to tell you how proud I was of you being your own man. Regardless of your age, you are mature enough to know your own passions and make your own decisions based on them. I love you.

ABED

Are you saying that to me or are you still speaking as a hypothetical relative?

BRITTA

You ruined it. And both.

(looks down at her phone) Crap.

CUT TO: Annie, Britta, and Troy in the vents.

(Jeffs cell phone beeps. He tries to bend his arm back to reach his pocket but the fit is too narrow. He shoots a look at Troy.)

TROY

Fine. (He starts reaching forward and digs in Jeff's pocket.)

JEFF

I wish you were Annie.

ANNIE

Ugh!

TROY

Sometimes I wish I were Leonard.

JEFF

What?

TROY

(Pulls out the phone) Here you go!

JEFF

Just read it!

TROY

(reading the phone) It's from Britta.

JEFF

Is it pictures of her cat's toenails? I've already told her, I can't tell where's too far up to clip!

TROY

No, she says that Pierce and Shirley are trapped on the wheelchair lift! We have to go help them.

JEFF

(looks forward deviously) Of course we'll help them, because they need it.

They turn a corner.

CUT TO: Abed and Britta on the couch in the library, frantically pacing.

BRITTA

How are we going to get to them?!

ABED

Well, maybe we could both stand on one arm of the couch...

BRITTA

That would knock us over into the lava! (Grabs his shoulders and shakes him) We'd die!

ABED

(gravely) We'll all be together eventually.

Suddenly, an obnoxious gong sounds from across the room. Britta and Abed look up to see Chang's Chinese Laundry and Supply Ship rolling towards them.

BRITTA

What the Honda?

ABED

Did I take Ambien and then fall asleep watching Mulan again?

CHANG

Greetings, children! I see you eyeing my vessel. She's a beaut, no?

BRITTA

Chang, what is this?

CHANG

Your only way to the end of the game.

ABED

I don't mean to be a disappointing son here, but what's the catch?

CHANG

No catch. Chang's Chinese Laundry and Supply Ship serves all out of the goodness of our hearts. Right boys?

All of the boys are filthy, sweaty, and exhausted. They groan in reluctant approval.

BRITTA (to Troy)

I don't see us getting to Shirley and Pierce any other way.

TROY

It's worth a shot. Probably not but I'm gonna keep things moving.

BRITTA (To Chang)

Take us to the wheelchair lift. No funny business.

CHANG

Of course not. None of us are funny. What is this, Modern Family?

The Basterds sloppily turn the ship around, Chang regally taking his place back at the helm. They "sail" out of the lounge, towards the cafeteria.

CUT TO:Annie, Troy and Jeff in the vents. Annie reaches a grate and peers through it, stopping.

TROY

Are we there?

JEFF Can you see Pierce and Shirley?

ANNIE

(Shakes and pushes at the grate until it gives away)

There they are! On the wheelchair lift!

JEFF

Wow. I'm honestly impressed. Could they have picked a more symbolic place to be stuck?

TROY

Psshhh, yeah. Like a.. hieroglyphs museum!

Jeff shakes his head. Annie starts squinting at the entrance to the cafeteria.

ANNIE

What the hell...

Jeff and Troy jam forward, forcing their heads over her shoulders.

ANNIE

Hey!

Chang's Chinese Laundry and Supply Ship ship is rolling along into the cafeteria, Chang poised in front and Abed sitting politely in back. Britta is frantically mopping the slave boy's brows with a rag.

JEFF

Chang? Wha- Britta and Abed?! What is that?

TROY

(Shouts) HEY! Guys! Over here!

Britta and Abed look up. They smile and wave. Britta jumps up and down.

CUT TO: Pierce and Shirley on the wheel chair lift.

PIERCE

What do you think the shelf life of that Jimmy Fallon kid is gonna be?

Shirley hears Troy's yell

SHIRLEY

Shhhh!

She gets up to investigate and sees Jeff, Troy, and Annie in the open vent and the ship pulling into the cafeteria.

SHIRLEY (cont.)

We're saved!

Pierce gets up and sees the new faces.

PIERCE

Well, of course you heard Troy, he's...

Shirley glares at him.

PIERCE (cont.)

loud.

Annie spots Shirley and Pierce standing up.

ANNIE

Stay put, guys! We're coming down to you!

Annie starts wriggling and trying to scoot forward.

ANNIE (cont.)

Um, a little help?

Troy and Jeff start trying to pull back, but they can't.

TROY

I think we're stuck!

ANNIE

Jeff! If you can just reach your arms through and press up against the side, I think we can get free.

Jeff looks down at himself and takes a deep breath.

JEFF

No, I can't.

TROY

What? Why?

JEFF

I'm too old.

Everyone on the ship along with Pierce and Shirley stop to listen.

JEFF (cont.)

I've spent all this time and effort trying to fight it, when it's the only thing that I truly can't. And to be completely honest, there's a freedom in saying, "Hey, I can't bend that way. I'm just too damn old" None of you would have ever changed our friendships or love because of that. Because our older love is a priceless thing that we all treasure. It's years are it's strength. I let my own nerves and angst push me, because none of you ever would. To you guys, I'm just old enough, and that makes me feel younger than I ever have.

Annie lays her head on Jeff's shoulder and Troy smiles at them. Britta and Shirley are wiping their eyes and Abed looks proud.

PIERCE

It's great that we all love our gay selves now, but that doesn't help Shirley and I get dow-

Suddenly, the wheelchair lift creaks to life, starting to lower towards the ground.

SHIRLEY

Oh no! The lava!

CHANG

Not on my finely tuned Asian timepiece!

Chang barks orders at his Basterds, and they begin rowing the boat towards the wheelchair lift. As they near it, the grate that Annie knocked off the wall catches on one of the wheels and the ship begins to fall apart, boys fall to the ground, screaming in agony. Britta and Abed fall as well, surrendering to the lava. Chang looks anguished, and spots the front of the ship, where his idol is perched. It begins to waver.

CHANG

No!

He leaps forward and misses it, falling into the lava. The idol rolls under the wheelchair lift, holding it a few inches off the ground. Shirley and Pierce are shaken.

PIERCE

(Peering down) We're, we're not dead!

SHIRLEY

(Still reeling from the theoretical carnage she just witnessed) But everyone else is!

Jeff, Annie, and Troy get her attention.

ANNIE

We're okay!

JEFF

I'm actually feeling kind of more than okay...

Finding a miraculous, youthful strength, Jeff bends his arms forwards and jerks himself through the vent opening. This violently dislodges himself and his companions, sending them sprawling on the floor.

TROY

Dammit!

ANNIE

Thank a lot, Jeff!

Even in defeat, Jeff looks giddily content. Shirley looks around the room once again, shocked.

SHIRLEY

Pierce, do you know what this means?

PIERCE

(oldly) Yeah! Chang has known where to get quality slave labor this whole time and kept it from me!

FADE TO BLACK, END OF EPISODE