Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei © Yoko Mastushita

Note: My first Tatari fic. A one shot.

What you'd never know

Tsuzuki Asato walked to the door of Watari Yukata's lab. The scientist never went home, constantly working on IT. He had a home surely, but…he could never bring himself to leave. He was a friendly and bubbly person by nature, yet he never seemed to consider himself. He was a real enigma.

The murasaki eyed shinigami knocked on the lab door loudly, expecting Watari to be hard at work. "Ohayo! Watari-kun!" Getting no response, Tsuzuki opened the door, which he was surprised to find unlocked. "Mmm? Oi, Watari?" He looked around for a moment, soon finding Watari, asleep at his computer. Tsuzuki smiled lightly, walking over to rouse his friend. "Oi, Watari. You're gonna get in trouble if Tatsumi finds out…" He motioned to shake is colleague, but stopped, reading the computer screen. It took a while to realize what it was:

Watari's journal.

Tsuzuki stared wide-eyed at Watari, then at the screen, then back to Watari. Hesitating, fearing his friend awaking, he began to read…

Day 394

I'm surprised. I thought I knew it all by now. Sure, I dies at 24, but I've got to be one of the smartest people in the summons department-if not THE smartest. And yet, I can't see why…

Why don't you notice? I've been leaving subtle hints for you for a year and a few months now, and yet…You've ignored it. A playful smile and an amusing anecdote…But you're nothing but business to me. It makes me wonder how you can live that way. So solitary and independent. To be immune to the jests and smiles of others. Except his…

You smile only when he does. You focus on him-as long as he's happy, you're happy. When Tsuzuki smiles…You smile…He is your world, isn't he? He is all you've ever wanted-ever NEEDED… And so I'm pushed aside…But I never say anything. I've never told you to stop…I admit, I baby him as well. But I still hold my affection and respect for you higher than everyone.

My care and idolatry for you has not ceased-It began when you first spoke to me. At that point, I was barely a collage graduate. But my smarts out did me, and you out witted me. He welcomed me too, and we all became a screwed up family-You, me, Tsuzuki, Konoe, Terazuma, Wakaba, Yume, Saya-oh, just too many to count. We all stuck together. And I knew you idolized him…You idolized Tsuzuki for the way he could be so serious in his own way, yet be funny. While you stuck in the back, counting money and being a loner.

And I would have told you then. I would have-if not for that valentine's day. I knew Tsuzuki would do it, and I knew how you would be, and yet I never discouraged him from it, as much as I cared for you. As much as I wanted you for myself, I never told Tsuzuki not to express himself to you. And so I hid, relishing in my fantasies, ignoring the truth. I think you noticed. I would walk by you, head low, avoiding your gaze. I always heard you call to me, to ask what was the matter, but I never turned. When you would ask later, I would pretend not to know what you were talking about. Oh, how my heart began to ache.

When Hisoka-chan came along, I knew you'd want Tsuzuki to go. I knew you'd have Tsuzuki commit to Hisoka. And after he learned of Hisoka's past, that wasn't hard. HE let go of his attachment to you, stepping out on his own to embrace such a child. As they opened to each other, I watched you close again. You retreated from my help, from my wish to mend. And that's when it happened.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I brought you some papers you had asked for a few days earlier. No, I hadn't really misplaced them-I was getting the courage to face you. It wasn't until I turned to leave that I realized that a sketch from my idolatry had been inserted in the pile. You found it, and questioned me. We argued, you yelled. You called my experiments wastes of time…a waste of energy…and a waste of money. You ranted about this for what seemed like an eternity. Then…I cried…My heart felt like it had shattered into a million tiny pieces. I remember hearing you try to apologize, which was obviously something you weren't used to doing. Tsuzuki came in, defended me…but I didn't want it. If that was how you felt, I couldn't change that. I told you that, storming out, tears leaving footprints down my cheeks.

We didn't talk for two months, but it was in those two months that my love grew. I knew you didn't mean it. I knew you were just angry. But I wanted a true apology.

And I'm still waiting for it. But I'll wait and eternity for it if I have to. For my love is never-ending for you, Tatsumi Ichiero.

Tsuzuki read it over and over, only stopping when he heard a grumpy Tatsumi walking down to the lab. At this, he exited the program, saving it for his friend. When Tatsumi walked in and saw Watari asleep, he glared slightly. "Watari-san!"

Watari's eyes instinctively snapped open, and he sat up. Seeing Tatsumi, he stood up, smiling. "Ohayo!" He walked over. "You alright?"

"C'mon, we got a case for you…"

Watari smiled, clapping. "Yay! I get a mission!" He started to follow after Tatsumi, but turned to Tsuzuki before he left. He pressed a finger to his lips as though asking, "Promise not to tell?"

Tsuzuki blinked but smiled and nodded. "Hai." He watched Watari skip off, and Hisoka walked in, knowing exactly what was going on. "Will Tatsumi-san know eventually?"

"Only when Watari tells him…"

Hisoka snorted. "That's one thing that he'll never know…"