Moshi Moshi
A straw hat. It was wearing a tiny straw hat with a red ribbon for embellishment.
While Sakura was no stranger to creatures of curious colourings and sizes, she had never happened upon one quite like this.
On her way home from her double hospital shift, the nineteen-year-old medic-nin had found the snail the size of Pakkun turned over in her dry soil-laden flower pot outside her apartment door. She pitied the fellow, and in her move to turn it right-side-up she was then further surprised with the additional buttons and receiver that were generally not found on a shell of a common snail found in Konoha. Or anywhere else for that fact.
Baffled, the female was pulled from her unintelligible mental repeat of 'what the hell' when her empty stomach gave an unpleased rumble. Right, double hospital shift and no food. Shifting the snail under one arm, she swiftly unlocked her front door and ventured into her humble abode, growling when she spotted a heap of orange dyed fabric laying in an untidy pile on the middle of her living room floor. When she scolded Naruto about wearing the same shirt for an entire week because it was unsanitary and disgusting and that he needed clean clothes did not mean she would do his laundry for him!
Wrinkling her nose with distaste, she ignored and passed her best friend's audacity that covered her grey carpet. Strolling into the kitchen, she set the large snail carefully on her small wooden table, pulled a day old sandwich from her fridge and ungracefully set her rump on a chair directly in front of it.
Taking a bite of chilled lettuce, tomato, chicken and white bread, she leaned forward, her forearms resting on her table in front of the unusual honeydew coloured snail. It's eyes were closed as if in slumber, and when she drew closer she noticed it had two tiny appendages on either side of it that almost resembled arms.
Leaning in closer, Sakura didn't notice her sandwich was touching the snail until it's mouth opened and took a bite of her meal. She gaped in morbid fascination as the odd creature began to nibble the green ends of the crisp lettuce nestled in her sandwich, it's eyes still remaining closed.
Pururururururu
A strange high-pitched noise leapt out of her mouth as Sakura jumped a foot high off of her seat when the snail began to ring at her of all things. Clutching at her chest in an attempt to stop her erratic heart from hammering out of her ribcage, she reached forward in a dazed manner and set her fingers over the receiver, contemplating if she should answer the snail.
Pururururururu
It could be some sort of trap, contain a hidden jutsu, blow up... well, if someone knew they were going to get to Haruno Sakura by dumping a ringing snail with a straw hat into her flower pot because she couldn't contain her curiosity then they deserved a gold star. She snatched up the receiver before she lost her nerve and brought it up to her mouth, the snail's eyes snapping open as she did.
"Moshi moshi?" The typical greeting was only slightly hesitant, and the pinkette chewed her bottom lip with nervousness.
"OH! SOMEONE ANSWERED!"
It could have been the shocking enthusiasm that came from the male voice that stupefied her, however the way the snail suddenly became so animated was the reason why the receiver dropped from her frozen hand to clatter on the tabletop. Little arms stretched out wide, it's eyes opened large and mouth stretched in the largest smile she had ever seen as it shouted. The snail looked absolutely thrilled.
"HEY! YOU STILL THERE? YOU DIDN'T JUST HANG UP ON ME DID YOU?"
"Ah... no, um-" Sakura sputtered, the fallen receiver still able to pick up her voice.
"OH GOOD! I'M MONKEY D. LUFFY! THE MAN WHO IS GOING TO BECOME THE PIRATE KING!"
"Uh-" Pirates? She had gotten in contact with pirates using a snail with a straw hat?
"Luffy!" A female cut Sakura off, using a tone that resembled the one she often used with Naruto. "What do you think you're doing! You don't even know who you're talking to!"
"Nami!" The voice she could now identify as Luffy whined. "That doesn't matter! I'm going to become the Pirate King no matter what!"
"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION IDIOT!" Sakura could hear the telltale thump of someone being hit, and she was sure it was Luffy. "This is all your fault! Do you realize how much beli it was to get that den den mushi? And then you went and LOST it!"
"But it's okay! Someone picked up and we can get it back!"
"No it isn't! We're in the middle of the sea and that den den mushi could be anywhere!" Nami seethed at Luffy, and Sakura stared with a gaping mouth as the snail's expression constantly flipped back and forth between overjoyed and irate as the two different voices came from it's mouth.
"Who picked up anyways? WAIT! IT ISN'T A MARINE IS IT?" The snail looked panicked as the new male spoke up, and she wondered what a Marine was.
"Hey hey! You aren't a Marine are you?" Luffy questioned, the snail all smiles.
"No-"
"See, she isn't a Marine! We're fine!"
"Oh thank god! Then who is it? And where are they calling from?"
"Yeah! Who is this?"
"Haruno Sakura." She automatically responded, still trying to wrap around her head the fact that she was currently corresponding through a snail.
"Sakura-san~! A delicate name to go with a beautiful woman no less~!" She was disturbed when the snail adopted an expression she had only gotten from Lee when they had first met.
"Shut it you shitty cook. You can't even see her, she probably looks like a sea king."
"Hey!" Sakura protested. She didn't know what a sea king was, but she knew it was offensive.
"What was that you idiot marimo?!" The snail went from enraged to loving within a millisecond. "Just ignore him, my beautiful Sakura-san."
"Umm.." She tiredly combed through tangled pink locks, unable to follow the erratic flow of conversation. Sakura would never, ever, pick up any snails or other living beings on her way home from a double hospital shift again.
"May I have another cup of tea, Sanji?"
"Of course Robin-chwan!"
Doubt had filled her when Luffy first yelled that he was to become the next Pirate King, but this was ridiculous. Weren't pirates bloodthirsty as they hunted the seas and ruthless in their pillaging ways? It was rather difficult to believe that this eccentric and lively group were pirates.
"Ah, Sakura-san?"
"Yes, Nami-san?" Somehow being addressed by name brought some normalcy to the entire ordeal, giving her a sliver of relief.
"Woah! She know's Nami's name! Is she psychic?" The snail's eyes practically glittered with excitement.
"No, you've just said her name before, Luffy-san." Sakura corrected him, and she laughed a little when the snail physically drooped with disappointment.
"Aw, that's so lame."
"Luffy! Stop being so rude!" Nami scolded the future Pirate King. "Anyways, Sakura-san, where did you find our den den mushi?"
"It was upside down in my flower pot. I didn't know what to do with it, so I brought it inside." Propping up her elbows on the table, she clasped her hands together and rested her chin against them. "That's when you called."
"Oh, well thank you for finding it for us! Where are you? If we're headed in that direction, we might be able to pick it up."
Nami had previously stated that they were currently at sea, and while the Land of Fire did have several ports to the sea, Konoha was quite a bit further inland and she doubted that the pirates would venture that far from the water. But all of that was moot point when confronted with the fact that pirates could possibly be close to the Land of Fire's borders, and as a citizen of said country she had an obligation to report it and deter them from her home. They could go find another damn snail.
"I'm not located by any ports," she began carefully, as to not arouse any suspicion. "And rather close to Kusagakure." It wasn't a complete lie, the Land of Fire did border onto Kusagakure.
"...Huh?"
"Kusa-what? Can I eat it?"
"You can't eat places idiot! Kusagakure... I've never heard of it before."
"What?" Sakura exclaimed. How could they have never heard of Kusagakure before? Sure it was small, but people knew of it.
"Hmm... maybe it's unmapped? There are a lot of places we haven't sailed to yet. Sakura-san, which continent are you on?"
The medic-nin blinked comprehensively at the snail speaking with Nami's voice. Unmapped? What kind of map were they using that didn't have the basic borders of each land?
"Do you know of the Five Great Shinobi Nations?" Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose hoping to prevent the headache that was on the verge of knocking on her cranium.
"Five Great Shinobi Nations? Can I eat-"
"NO!" Several voices chimed in at once.
The pirate crew began to yell in earnest with each other while Sakura silently cradled her head in her calloused hands. Was it possible? Was it possible that there was a whole world of land that they were unaware of across the sea? But they had sailors, ships that had traveled out far in the blue horizons with the gulls and sirens of the sea.
Their knowledge of the shinobi nations was null, and yet their den den mushi had somehow ended up on her front door when Luffy had lost it. How did such a creature that appeared to have no swimming capabilities (or travel capabilities at all, the thing was a snail after all) cross the sea and inland to Konohagakure when the people who originally had it didn't even know such a place existed?
Sakura's head pounded.
"Nami-san," she interrupted the pirates that were now shouting at each other. "Where are you originally from?"
"Me? Cocoyashi Village in East Blue. Why?"
That was confirmation enough. There was land out there that they had no knowledge of until now.
"I've never heard of it." She admitted with a bitter taste in her mouth.
"Well I'm not really surprised, it is a small village."
"No, I've never heard of East Blue." Sakura amended, and then there was a brief silence on the other side of the line.
"..."
"WHAT? Never heard of East Blue? What are you, stupid?"
Do not hit the snail, do not hit the snail. The snail is not responsible for what comes out of Luffy's mouth. Sakura took a deep calming breath and left her seat to get herself a glass of water. It wouldn't calm her down much, but at least it put some necessary distance between her and the unfortunate snail that could become collateral damage in her urge to hit Luffy.
"Luffy! You never call a lady stupid!"
"Sakura-san," Nami commandeered the receiver once again. "What about North Blue? South Blue? West Blue? The Grand Line?"
The worn and weary female took a large gulp of water and set the glass on the table with resignation. "Never heard of them."
"What the hell, you live in a hole somewhere or what?"
"Shut up idiot marimo!"
"You sh-"
"Sakura-san." A new female voice sounded, and Sakura perked up with curiosity. Just how many people were in that pirate crew? It was surprising enough that they had one female crew member, let alone two. She didn't think that piracy was common with women.
"Yes? And you may be?"
"Nico Robin. It's a pleasure. Where is it exactly you're from?"
"Konohagakure of the Land of Fire." She willingly gave them the information; it wasn't as if they had a map to locate her.
"And what is it that you do in Konohagakure?"
"A shinobi."
"THAT'S SO COOL!" Luffy's exuberance and excitement never failed to astound her, it was usually something that Naruto or Lee expressed to that degree. "Hey Sakura! You should become my nakama!"
"What?"
"What?!" She and the rest of the pirate crew exclaimed in unison.
"Don't ask strangers to join our crew you idiot!"
"I can't believe you're just deciding on something like this by yourself AGAIN!"
"She's not a stranger, we know each other's names!"
"You haven't even met her face to face!"
"She's a shinobi! She has to be awesome!"
"I swear there's something wrong with your brain!"
"We don't have a shinobi we have to have one!"
"Shinobi are assassins, aren't they? Nononono! We don't need one!"
"Assassins are scary!"
"What is she a collector's edition? 'Find a shinobi for your crew', THIS ISN'T A BINGO GAME LUFFY!"
"Well she does have our den den mushi..."
"Ohh good point Robin! See we can pick her up and get the den den mushi at the same time!"
"And how do you expect us to do that Captain Brainless? We don't even know where the Land of Fire is!"
"I don't care! Sakura's joining my crew!"
"Um..." Sakura interjected at that moment. It had been impossible to voice her opinion in the mass of voices before. "I'm sorry, Luffy-san, but I have to decline your offer to join your crew."
"WHAT?!"
"I serve under the Hokage of the village. I can't leave and become a pirate, even if you did know how to get here." Sakura tried to reason with Luffy while squashing the spark of happiness and flattery that came with the pirate's desire for her to become his nakama.
"NO!"
"..No..?"
"You're not allowed to decline!"
"W-what?" Sakura was taken aback yet again.
"You're our nakama! I won't accept any other shinobi but you Sakura!"
"Luffy just-"
"That's final!"
"..."
"...well I guess that's it."
Sakura gawked at the den den mushi.
"Yeah, no sense trying to change that idiot's mind now."
"You're just too stubborn, Luffy."
"Wait, what? No no no I can't-" Everything was spiralling out of control, and Sakura didn't even have an inkling of how to find steady ground. It was if she had just been cast out to sea, bound and without lick of chakra.
"Just wait for us, Sakura-san."
"Welcome to the Straw Hat Pirates!"
A/N:
...yeah... oh god please don't shoot me ahahaha. Not edited (poorly edited now!), short and all sorts of terrible but it attacked the brain and wouldn't let go. It's all pretty much bare bones (barely even that) because I wanted to write it in one sitting and it's intended to be a oneshot. I probably won't continue it, but the idea of writing more One Piece and Naruto crossovers is out there (after I write all the other stories I'm supposed to write orz). I lied. It's all your fault reviewers.
Anyhow.. yeah.. /dies in a corner/