Disclaimer: We do not own anything except the man-eating monkey!

Warning: Extremely stupid…but fun to write!

Chapter One

As Harry walked down the well-trodden path, he heard a faint growl to the right of him. Startled, he turned around, and promptly fell asleep. Extremely loud snores were now coming out of the squirming body of Harry Potter.

A monkey emerged from the bushes next to Harry, towering over everything. Its hair was the softest hair around, and it had light brown patches around its eyes and nose. Any girl that came across it would immediately dub it as 'cute'. But in fact it was a very scary thing……..

A MAN-EATING MONKEY!

But poor Harry, sound asleep on the path, was unaware of the monster looming above him. The monkey licked his lips, and was about to gobble up Harry, but was stopped at the sight of Harry's mangled hair. Eyes wide with amazement, the monkey sniffed Harry's hair…the monkey thought he had the best hair around…but this hair was just as good!

Angered, the monkey swooped down, and tore off Harry's hair, and draped it around his shoulders, using it at a shawl. Harry awoke with a startled yelp, only to find that he was bald, and his hair dangled from a deranged giant man-eating monkey!

THIS WAS WAR, AND HARRY WAS DETERMINED TO GET HIS HAIR BACK…IF HE COULD FACE VOLDEMORT, THIS SHOULD BE A PIECE OF CAKE,SHOULDN'T IT?

Harry and the man-eating monkey danced around each other. Harry thought to himself 'he looks like a stupid man-eating monkey!' But unaware to him, the man-eating monkey could read minds.

The man-eating monkey's eyes turned red, and he yelped. " I AM NOT A STUPID MAN-EATING MONKEY, AND I HAVE A NAME! IT IS FRED MARSEL MONKEY!"

Fred Marsel Monkey was mad…and there was only one way to retain his dignity-kill this stupid good-haired Harry.

End of Chapter One

There we go…a piece of brilliancy wink wink. So review with good, kind words, and you may find out what happens-who wins!