A/N: I do try and avoid these things, but they are a necessary evil. If you have read the story Under The Night Sky I had posted here, this story may seem familiar. In truth Under The Night Sky was supposed to be this story. i had written a long time ago, but couldn't find the notebook. Anyways, found the notebook and it had become the guidelines for this one.
I do not own Dragon Age. Phaedra and Zarola are products of my imagination and guilty pleasure. As always, read, review and write. i hope you enjoy this story.
Phaedra
I saw the red-headed bard gazing longingly at the Grey Warden Sasha Cousland, speaking with the other Grey Warden Alistair. I could tell it made her sad and hurt her greatly, but I could also sense her fear. I silently walked up to her side. "This hurts you, doesn't it? Seeing her flirt with Alistair." She started.
"Oh! Phaedra, I didn't hear you." She said in her beautiful Orlesian accent. I smiled at her. "I wouldn't be a very good Ranger if you had, now would I?" I teasingly ask her. She smiles my heart jumps. "No, I suppose you wouldn't be. Either that, or I'm not as good as I once was." She says to me.
I didn't want to pussyfoot around, I knew she really liked Sasha, but I wanted her to say it. Maybe then… I could forget the havoc she reaps upon my heart, mind, body, and soul. "You're afraid, aren't you? Afraid she may reject you or choose another? But you are also afraid of her choosing you? And if she did choose you, she may die." I told her.
She looks at me in surprise. "I'm amazed you can read me so well. However, there is more to my fears then just that." She says. I nod, I might as well go all out. "You are terrified to open up, and love again. I gather that the last time you opened your heart, someone trampled it." I share my observations. She nodded. "Marjolaine?" her eyes became wide with shock, then narrowed with suspicion. "Leliana, we share a tent. You talk in your sleep." I answered her unasked question.
She scoffed. "I do not!" she defended. "Yeah, you really do. Shall I recite some of the things you've said. Especially about the young teyrness, though that is mostly moaning." I said. She blushed, never was there such a beauty, as she, when she blushed. I decided to make it my prerogative to cause that blush to surface as much as possible, without seeming predatory. Her body grew tense as if worried.
"Don't worry Leliana, I am the only one who has ever heard you. A gift of my Elven heritage, or curse, depending on how you look at it. I give you my solemn oath as far as I know, I am the only one who knows of your…umm… special dreams. And I will take it to my grave." I raise my right hand swearing an oath. She relaxes and smiles.
"Thank you. Yes, it was Marjolaine who hurt me so deeply." She sighs as if not sure she wants to share that part of her life yet. "It's alright Leliana. You don't have to share that with me. A lady is entitled to a few closely guarded secrets." I said. She smiles. "A lady? You must have me confused with another." She says. I smile. "Never." I simply reply.
The blush creeps up her cheeks so fast, that I am surprised she doesn't realize she has stolen breath. "When it comes to Sasha, if we were to begin a relationship, I wouldn't know what to do. You know, if she left either by death or for another." She admits. I stare into the fire. "You would break. You'd feel like your heart and soul have been fragmented and tossed to all corners of Thedas. Food and drink would taste like ash. Life would seem to have no meaning or joy. That is the risk we all take when we open our hearts and lives to another." She stares at me aghast.
I continued unhindered by her outburst. "But eventually, you'd feel your heart mend, your soul stitch itself back together again. Sustenance would again taste as it should. You'd find meaning and joy in your life again. For such is the way of love." I finished. "I do not know if I would be strong enough." She says and turns her head away, I see the tears glistening. My heart aches for her, and my hand of its own accord cups her cheek.
I was unsure if she would mind, but I kept it there anyways. I turned her face to mine, and leaned into her and whispered in her ear. "You are an Orlesian Bard, a master of the Game. You are strong enough." I pull back. Her eyes staring into mine as if burning my soul. "Love. Love is worth the pain it might cause. Can you honestly imagine your life without her love in it?" I ask. I slowly pull back my hand. I walk away and go speak with Bodahn and Sandal. My heart heavy, she would choose Sasha. "There is no place for me as her love." I thought to myself.
Leliana
I watched her walk away, my mind reeling. "How did she know I was a bard? What was that feeling I had when she touched me?" I thought. I saw her speak to Bodahn then Sandal, Bodahn nodded at her and Sandal smiled and began bouncing up and down. He was clearly excited about something. But now, my curiosity was peaked. What was it she said? I followed her figure as it headed to Morrigan's tent. Like Sasha, and myself in the beginning. She continually tried to befriend the witch.
"Oh, Maker. Did Morrigan just smile." I was amazed, then I heard Morrigan laugh, barely. I felt slightly jealous now, I have tried several times to befriend that witch, and every time I have been met with haughtiness and disdain. I heard Sasha's footfalls coming up to me. I looked and smiled at her, she smiled back and looked in the direction of Phaedra as she went into the forest.
"Do you think we can trust her Leliana?" She asks. "We know next to nothing about that young woman. You're really good at reading people." She says. "I can't really read her. My gut tells me she is trustworthy. Is that why you put her in my tent, so I can keep an eye on her?" I ask. "Yes. But if you think she is trustworthy we can pick up another tent for her, and you wouldn't have to share anymore." She says.
I see her return from the forest 6 rabbits in hand, she must have cleared her traps. For some reason, the idea of her not sharing a tent with me anymore, did not sit well. I shook my head. "No. it's alright. Too many tents, attract too much attention." I replied to her. She nods. "Well, if you change your mind, let me know. Okay." I nod back. "I will." She pats my shoulder.
"I'll talk to you later Leliana. I am relieving Zevran from his watch. Sometimes, I wonder, why I even allowed him to live. Let alone ask him to join us. All that outrageous flirting and lecherous comments, can be a bit too much to handle." She said. I laughed. "As do I." I said.
My curiosity seemed centered around Phaedra. I turned and went into the tent I shared with her. I took off the metal pieces from my armor, and curled up in my bedroll. I could still feel Phaedra's hand on my cheek. It was a pleasant and warm feeling, and it brought a smile to my face.
The next night we were camped closer to Brecillian Forest. The Dalish were rumored to have a camp within. From what I heard the Dalish did not take too kindly to intruders, especially one with so many humans and a Qunari. Sasha decided a double watch may be necessary. Phaedra and I had drawn second watch. We were to relieve Morrigan and Sten.
Being so close to Phaedra, my mind burned with questions and curiosity. It had been at least thirty minutes since they had left, and I could no longer contain myself. "Phaedra. May I ask you something?" Her eyes never left the tree line. "Of course." She replies. "Why did you come looking for us again?" I ask. "It was merely by accident, I was exhausted and injured. You saw my wounds. I honestly thought I was wandering aimlessly and would die in the woods like my birth mother." She replies. She really was hurt badly.
Phaedra
"May I ask you another question?" she asks. I hide my expression. No sense in letting her know how pleased I was that she was curious about me. I look at her, her eyes meet mine. "Leliana, you may ask whatever you wish. I give you my word that I will answer honestly and to the best of my ability." I tell her. She nods. "You grew up with the Dalish Elves, I thought they hated all things human, even half-humans." She said. I think I got that she was asking how I came to be with the Dalish.
"Some generally do. Others could care less. Regardless, the Dalish would never allow a babe to die in the woods. The Keeper Marethari, brought me to their camp. Marethari, she was in the woods gathering herbs, when she came across my mother sitting against a tree. Marethari having a kind heart stopped to see if she could help. My mother told the Keeper, that her caravan was attacked by darkspawn." Leliana attentively listened to my story.
"Everyone had been killed, my father included. She had been shot by an archer, as she tried to get away with me. Another Dalish clan intervened, killed the darkspawn, but she wasn't seen. My mother asked Marethari to take me and not let me die in the woods. The Keeper asked my name as she took me in her arms." I told my story, pleased she cared.
"I was weak. The Keeper was not sure if I would survive the journey to the Chantry, so instead she decided to take me to her camp. She originally had just intended to make me strong enough and well enough to survive the trip to the Chantry." I told her. "Why did they end up raising you?" Leliana asks.
"As it usually happens when you nurse something or someone back to health, you get attached. I was no different, the more of the clan that cared for me the more they became attached. The whole clan raised me, amazed by my natural gifts with animals, my talents as a Ranger and craftsman. They took joy in teaching me because I loved to learn and learned well. Usually, they'd show me one thing and I could do it." I explained. "So why not go back to your clan? Why stay with us misfits?" Leliana asks. "Because. I was banished by the clan." I admitted. She looked confused.
As I had told you. "From the day Marethari found me and on she raised me as her own. At first the clan was not keen on the idea of a mutt among them, but little by little they grew to love and accept me as one of their own. Years passed as did many firsts of the Keeper, then one day an elven child was brought to us, her clan had already had a first and Marethari's last one had completed her training and was asked to join another clan as their keeper, their last one passed away and had no first. I was 8 and she was 6 being the third child born of magic in her clan, Alerion. It was decided after the Arlathvenn, the Dalish clans' gathering, she was given to our clan to be the new first." I explained.
"Merrill was kept separate from most of the clan. This was so she could learn the ways and history of the Keepers. I was going through hunter training with emphasis on being a Ranger, I had an affinity with animals could even speak to them, it is a very rare gift. Anyways, one night I had come home late from training I must have been 12 at the time. I heard weeping. I followed the sound to the forest 20 feet behind our tent. I came across a 10-year-old Merrill sitting on a log staring at the clan bonfire. I approached her slowly." I said. Leliana wasn't looking at me, but I could tell she was listening.
"'Ir abelas, may I join you?' I asked her she looked at me shyly. 'If you want to.' She says. I sat next her. 'Da'len what causes you to weep so?' I asked. 'I feel alone. No one will speak to me or play with me.' She said. I scooted closer to her. 'You are the First to the Keeper there is much for you to learn and with being the First, a certain amount of respect and space is given.' I said, not entirely sure how to comfort her." I held the bard's attention still.
"'I hate it. I wish I was never chosen as such.' She said. 'Oh, Da'len I understand how you feel, I feel that way at times too. I am only a half-elf, loneliness I understand. It may not feel like it but learning the history of the elves and becoming a Keeper is a great gift. Elven history needs to be preserved and remembered for future generations.' I said. 'What good is this knowledge if all it does is cause me nothing but loneliness and grief.' She said. 'One day you will understand it. I can't promise things will get easier, but I can promise to be here for you as a friend, a sister, someone to share what you feel and share my feelings with, and a shoulder to cry on.' I had tentatively put my arm around her shoulders." I shared my memory with Leliana fondly.
"So, began what would become more than friendship. Years passed again, and what started out as friends become lovers. I loved her, and she loved me and we were happy. I became a Ranger and she took more joy in her lessons. It would not last, Merrill became curious in the darker side of magic, her thought was she should at least know about it in case she needed to stop our reverse whatever spell was done with it." I could see it before my eyes even as I spoke it.
"She got into blood magic?" Leliana asked. "It started with just a theoretical interest, but as you can imagine the clan began to fear her, and what do people tend to do when they fear what they don't understand?" I asked her. "Usually they try to get rid of the source of their fear." She said. "That they do and when it came to Merrill the clan saw it no differently. It had become known that Merrill and I were close. One day another hunter Pol approached me. He asked me to 'kill her she is an evil abomination' he said to me and I lost it and struck him, the clan clamored for me to be punished. Marethari approached me and asked me why." And now it was time for the painful part of my story.
"I explained about what Pol had said. She said, even though she understood my action, no clan member was to harm another. 'You should have curbed your temper and seen me first my child, and it pains me to do this, but I am afraid you are hereby banished from the clan. Know that you will always be my daughter.' My mother said. 'May I say good bye to Merrill?' I asked her. 'You can, but you must not tell her why you are leaving, she cannot know someone in the clan wishes her harm. I will try to steer her away from her dark path and do all I can to keep her safe.' She had told me. When I went to seek her out I found her reading on a log by the stream, I could not think of what to tell her, so like a coward I said nothing and went back to camp, and located my belongings and left." I shared with her, my story now complete.
Leliana
Her story made me wish to weep, but for now, I could not. I grabbed Phaedra's hand. "I'm so sorry, Phaedra that is terrible, for them to turn on you after so many years." I said to her, trying my best comfort her. She smiles and squeezes my hand back. My heart began to race and then it slowed as I could feel her pulse through my hand. I was slightly surprised my heart beat began to match hers completely.
"It's alright it's been about a year now. I don't feel as alone anymore; I have all of you. I have purpose now. It takes time, but the heart eventually mends." She says and it's like I see her inner light shining through, brighter than ever before. We stood there, our hands clasped and watching the night clouds roll over Ferelden's sky. I felt at a loss when she let go of my hand.
She held her fingers to her lips. At first at the ready, then she sheathed her sword, just before Zevran and Alistair came into view. We nodded to each other and walked by. Heading to our joined tent. It somehow felt cozier now. We turned from each other and removed the metal bits of our armor. It was what we had done for months, maintaining silence as to never give our camp away. I looked behind me and caught a glimpse of Phaedra without her armor, and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. I prayed to the maker, that I would not talk in my sleep. For I knew Phaedra would spotlight in them tonight.