Do You Even Realize That You Aren't Even Real?
This is a random Twilight one-shot that I'm writing because I can. It was inspired by Fall Out Boy's 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles…' and stars my sparkly vampire, Jasper! Both of these I do not own. Sorry to any Jasper fangirls if you do not find this amusing. I really wanted to write this, though, so no flames please!
"There he is… the most awesome vampire character ever made by Stephanie Meyers. Oh my Gee, it's JASPER!" the abnormally short, teenage girl hiding in the shrubbery that lined the outside of the high school 'squeed' joyously inside her own head.
The girl was the author's own little self-insert character: short, with frizzy out of control light brown hair, a black top hat, a Panic at the Disco t-shirt, and a black, My Chemical Romance sweat jacket. Oh, yeah, she was so ready to meet Jasper!
So, Alyssa stood up, drew herself up to her full height (which was not exactly 'Vincent Valentine' tall) and sauntered over to the door that led into the cafeteria. Making sure to be extremely quiet, she made her way towards the Cullens, minus Alice, Edward, Rosie, and Emmett. In other words, she was attempting to sneak up on Jasper. Do not take the attempting lightly. She was not exactly the best at sneaking up on people, especially when she was about to glomp them.
After she was almost 4 feet away, he sighed, "I know that you're trying to pounce on me. It's not working."
Alyssa snapped her fingers and sat next to Jasper. He seemed annoyed to see her. His lips were pressed together in a way that would tell anyone in their right mind that he was pissed at this stupid girl and didn't want to be bothered now.
However, fangirls are never ever really in their right minds, are they? The obvious answer to that rhetorical question is 'No.'
Jasper appeared to be drinking something dark brown-black in a cup. "What're you drinking, Jazzy?" she inquired
He glared at her and growled, "It's coffee."
"What? You like coffee? That's so cool!" Alyssa whipped out a notebook and jotted down, 'Jasper drinks coffee. In future, must explore magical qualities of exceptional coffee.'
Jasper raised one eyebrow and coughed, "Do you even realize that you aren't even… real?"
Offended, Alyssa stood up and pointed accusatorially at Jasper, screaming, "Oh yeah, well… well… you're not a real vampire! Because… real vampires drink TEA!"
Jasper sighed in relief as another fangirl ran out the door crying. Edward returned to see Alyssa tearing out the door and whispered, "That girl again? She's just weird! I never, ever want to see another crazed fan in my life… or lack of it."
Little did poor Edward know that he too was being watched from the shrubs by an entire pack…
"Okay girls, here's the plan…"
Thank you all for taking the time to read my stuff!
Ta