It was cold. Ozzie hated the cold. It was wet. Ozzie hated the wet. Even worse, it was Liverpool. Ozzie hated Liverpool. He thought to himself, as he sat on the damp dank streets of Liverpool-ville. He thought to himself, as he clutched his stone cold steve Austin memorabilia shirt " I survived NAM, and fer wot. The government took meh weed and my booze. I even grew this sweet handlebar stache but my Richard's wife still won't leave him for me". He had stood there all day with his cardboard "will impersonate stone cold steve Austin for money/women shirt, and had only made £2000 that day, which barely covered the cost of his new chinchilla fur coat. His relative poverty stirred something deep within ozzie. He stood up and after swallowing his cigar let out a deep wheeze. He stared up at the sky and smirked as he looked at the moon, it reminded him of the moon in 'nam. His latent righteous fury activated, and he knew he had to see his brother one last time. But to herald the Re-vengeance of the great ozzie lyons he called out to the heavens "WHAAAAAAAAATTT!"
Richard lyons was giving a firm fatherly lecture to his adopted son Edward. "thank god my bum of a brother Ozzie isn't here" he thought to himself, as he mused over his successful business and marital life. Suddenly, his bum of a brother kicked down their door, clasping a tequila in one hand, and an unconscious member of the neighbourhood watch's collar in the other. "WHAAAT" he screamed obnoxiously. " Rickard, i hab a gift fer the boiiii" he said, handing the tequila to Edward, aged 6. "And furthermore, in case my affffluuenc was maekign u feel insecure and worthless ive decided to start letting u loan me money again" he adjusted his sunglasses and smiled, feeling he had made an impression that wasn't abhorrent. Stunned Richard began to mutter "Ozzie, i ..." but he was cut short by his boisterous, baffling brother " Do not be ashamed, dearst sibling, for now i'll bear you're living conditions. But now i can fix everything you're too stupid to do for yourself." He dropped the neighbourhood watch and put his arm around Richard, drenching him with his armpit sweat, he motioned his arm across the room to indicate what he'll change; already the house began to smell worse. " i'll never leave your side, Richie. By the time im done with your money, your house is gonna look as good as the new ta-tas im buyin yer wife."
However, this time Richard initiated his bro-lepathy*, and spoke via mindwaves to ozzie " go back to the streets ozzie, you aren't welcome here." Although his emotions were masked by his cool shades ozzie was filled with more righteous fury, and naturally responded with his catchphrase "WHAAAT!" He told Richard that he would rue this day, and proceeded to storm out the ozzie-shaped hole in the doorway. Moments later Ozzie then busted in throught the back wall, whilst continually screaming his catchphrase, took his tequila back from Edward and then left. But as he screamed his way down the road ozzie hatched a nefarious and brilliant plan: He would go to the bowling alley and flirt with all the single mothers hosting birthday parties.
However, this plan fell through, but the multiple slap wounds on his cheek brought a new epiphany to his mind. "They've all failed me" he thought " Richard, Edward, Liverpool... and linda. I thought i'd never do this but..." then he pulled out his sony ericsson phone from 2005 (cus the government use smartphones to spy on plebs) and looked at the two sole contacts he had:
Marcedge Toing
Seelkadoom
He stared for a brief period at these names, before smirking slightly and saying with a tone of wistful reminiscence "let's get the gang back together"
*- Bro-lepathy: telepathy between bros.