CHADOK'S ADVENTURE 3: THE FINAL PART OF CHADOK'S ADVENTURE
It seems after defeating Fargoth, Chadok felt as if he could finally go home. Yes. His home. The lovely Velas Manor in GodsReach.
"I finally killed the little bastard. Time for me to go home. Nothing could interrupt me now, not anything."
"SERA SERA! I HAVE ANOTHER ELLLLLLLLLLLLDER SCROLL FOR YOU TO READ!" That newsboy popped out of a bush.
Chadok looked. "What's this? Fargoth is still alive? GOD DAMMIT! I thought I killed him! I just wanna go hoooooooooooome! Blaaaaaahhhhh!"
Chadok burst into little wimpy baby tears like a little wimpy baby. "Blwaaahhhhhh!"
Newsboy was laughing so hard. "Haha look at the little Nerevarine cry AHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAA-BLEGHHHH!"
The Newsboy fell to the ground, with blood squirting everywhere. Chadok god mad and killed him. Typically, the High Ordinators saw him and repeatedly started beating Chadok to death with their scimitars. Chadok fell to the ground. He woke up, in Caldera prison.
"How...how am I gonna get out of here?"
Then Chadok felt a rumble in his pants. (no not that kind of rumble) His lockpick was moving around his pocket. Then it started talking.
"Chadok. It's me. Stormfrond the MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTY! I have been resurrected as an apprentice's lockpick. Use me to get out of here."
Chadok could'nt believe it. "How about Jordak? Is he resurrected?" Then Chadok heard a familiar voice in the wind.
"Yes Chadok. I am back too. The Amazing Jordak! MUWAHAHAHA!"
"But Jordak, you've been resurrected as an female Orcish midget, with no arms or legs, and a hotdog taped to your forehead. How will you help me?"
"Oh Chadok. You will see. I will help you, even if im a female Orc midget with this apparatus taped to my head. LET'S GO!"
Stormfrond joined in. "Let's go now! MIIIIGHTY!"
Chadok picked the lock. "Were free!"
BEHIND THAT OTHER ROCK: FARGOTH'S EVIL LAIR
I bet you're pondering, "What happened to the lovely narrator, Caius?" Well, im right here. I just got happily married. To a woman who calls herself, Crassius Curio. Back to the story. Fargoth was in his little fort (how cute) just assembling a massive army of total chaos.
"With this new army, I WILL RULE VVARDENFELL! I WILL RULE IT! HA HA!"
Fargoth looked at his new army, but this time he was serious. Behind him stood, 10,000 Dremoras lined up. "HEIL FARGOTH ZE FUHRER!"
"HEIL! I AM YOU MASTER! WE ARE ZE ARMY! YOU VILL SERVE ME!" Fargoth started impersonating Hitler.
The dremoras chanted. "SIR! We are tired of impersonating the Germans. But we serve you with our lives SIR!"
"DREMORAS! LINE UP! SWORDS OUT, READY, MARCH!" Fargoth was much more serious this time. He was ready to overthrow the empire.
His troops started the march, to what would result in battle at a truly epic scale.
OUTSIDE CALDERA
So Chadok and his newly re-acquired companions chose to head to Balmora, where he would wait for Fargoth to arrive. But first! Chadok would have to assemble an army of his own.
"So how many do we have enlisted in our army now Jordak?" Chadok asked.
"Hmm...Walter, Phillip, Rashgrabagh, Benny, Carlos, Ma'iq, Sarandus, Dagoback, Heddvild, Caius, Louis, Galbedir, Ignorius, Beauchamp, Clavides, Hesus, Shinji, Carl, Rabbi Movis Partry, Josephine, Socucious, Finny...We have 1 person enlisted."
"Damn." Chadok said. "We need more people!"
Then, Chadok heard a ghostly voice.
"Chadok. It is me. Yes, it is Vivec. I've got just the army you need to overthrow Fargoth. But you have to find out who they are. See, let me ask you this. How do daedra die?"
Chadok was confused. "Uh, usually when their health meter runs out. of...health."
"THEEEEEEERE YOU GO CHADOK! Now how do you deplete the health meter?"
"By, repeatedly hacking at them?"
"YES! THATS THE TICKET! So what will you do?"
"Repeatedly, hack at them?"
"OF COURSE!" Exclaimed Vivec.
Chadok was skeptical. "But, I am only one person. How do I make it through ten thousand dremoras by myself?"
"Yesss, you make a point Chadok. But let me ask you this. How do you, not, make it through ten thousand dremoras by yourself?"
"What? I just asked... oh, well Vivec, were trying to enlist an army, but no one will join us."
"Yesss Chadok. And i've got a perfect army for you. I will now turn Morrowind into an MMORPG!"
"But Vivec, that would just ruin the Elder Scrolls series."
"THE MMORPG ARMY IS FREE, USE THEM TO DEFEAT THE DREMORAS!"
And Vivec disappeared. All the MMO people started blabbering.
"O0H 1 TRAD3 Y0U T3H DAEDRC T2ANNT0 F0R YOU LONNSORD. N00BY NUBBY G0 AWAY NUB! BLAH BLAH BLAH..."
Morrowind was quickly turning into Runescape. The nightmare the 5 year olds, the agony...Chadok hated it.
"SHUT UP!" Chadok screamed.
"O0H LOOK IT T3H NUBBY CHAD0K N00BLET Y0U N0T T3H L33THARDC0R3! "
Then Chadok had an idea. But he had to be understandable.
"MM0RPG ARMEY 1 AM T3H CHAD0K I1 T3EH COMMAND3RE OF YOU ARMY W3 DESTR0Y DR3MORAS AN K11L T3HFARG0TH," Chadok tried to say.
The MMO army just laughed. "T3H UB3R N00b WhAT MAKEZ Y00 T3H B3TT3R THAN US N00BY?."
"B3CUZ I HAV3 T3EH BETTE3R W3APON!1111" Chadok picked up Jordak and started waving him around. Apparently the hot dog on his head made Jordak look scary.
"OMFGGGGUYS L00KAT H1S W3PON!11 IT T0TLY PWNS!111111! F1Ne CHD0K WEJOIN YO TO K1LL T3H DR3MORAS11!1"
But then one of the newer players came out.
"IS dreMoras hared to kills? Aneone plz gIVe m3 fr33 Daediric full SOuit ArmoR "
Chadok shoved a large wooden pike through the noob's face. "So annoying. LETS GO GENTLEMEN! TO BATTLE!"
Chadok and his uB3R l3t3t army marched to meet Fargoth face to face.
THE BATTLEFIELD: THE CITY OF VIVEC
Chadok and his army knew that Fargoth would be waiting in Vivec, city of commerce and trade. Fargoth loved Vivec, but could never afford living there, seeing as he is a wood elf. Nobody likes wood elves. So when Chadok made it to the St. Delyn cantina, he wasn't surprised to see Fargoth and his army. But one thing was different about Fargoth's army from before. Half of his dremoras were dead.
"FARGOTH!" Chadok yelled. "YOUR ARMY IS ONLY HALF OF WHAT IT WAS LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO!"
Fargoth knew. "Yeah, the MMO people came and killed them. Mostly packs of noobs. Can you believe it takes thirteen of them to kill a Dremora? You know what Chadok? We should just team up, kill the Dremoras, and the MMO bastards, then we fight to the death. THE DEATH!"
"Good idea. Just close the servers, and the MMO guys (and what, 3 women?) will leave."
"It is settled," said Fargoth. "VIVEC! CLOSE THE SERVERS!"
Vivec came out of his palace. "Ok." He performed some hippie ritual. And the noobs started dying. The beauty.
"OH N0 W3R3 D1YING WE3RE BE1NG PWnED! AAAAHH!111111!1 AI3333 I DY1NG PWN3D FR33 SOUT 0F RMOOR PLEZ!1"
A particular noob was crying louder. The player, Aliaok. "AI33333 M0RR0WIN T3H SUCK 1 SP3ND MY H0L3 DAY 0N C0MPTUT3ER!"
They were all dead. The dremoras too were consumed by the anarchy. They went mad and drowned themselves in the water.
"Ok Fargoth. They're all dead. Now let's end this battle."
"It will end when you lay dead Chadok. AIEEE!" Fargoth struck with his mighty Iron Tanto. Chadok (consequently) started bleeding.
"OW Fargoth! That hurt! AIYAH!" Chadok picked up his Daedric Daikatana, and thrust it through Fargoth's rib cage.
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD MY BODY! YOU KILLED MY BODY AGAIN AAAAHHHHHH!" Fargoth fell to the ground.
Chadok noticed that he was still moving. Fargoth flew up on his jetpack (that I just randomly decided to put there) and started beating Chadok with his own dead body.
"OW OW FARGOTH STOP HITTING ME OW OW OH MY GOD! THE PAIN I FEEL THE PAIN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Chadok thrust his sword into Farogth's jetpack. Fargoth flew out of control. All of the sudden a giant sea monster came out of the water. Fargoth fell into it. Kind of like a certain crappy bounty hunter.
"Fargoth is dead Chadok," said Jordak. Now we can go home and have sex.
"WHAT? That's just a little weird Jordak. Not to be homophobic, but," Chadok picked him up and threw him into the water.
"Let's go Stormfrond. I want to go home now."
"Not necessary Chadok. I have a home in Skall Village. The MMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHTY SKALL VILLAGE! Ill just go there."
"Goodbye Stormfrond." Chadok said. And so Chadok left for his manor.
(Jordak belongs to GuNdAmAster. Master of Gundam... I think that's how he spells it. Stormfrond leaves and eventually dies. Symbolizing how I erased him a few days ago. Jordak turned out to be a homosexual orc midget with a hotdog on his face because I can, and he made my awesome Chadok eat spiders in his story. But in a week, he is rebuilt into his normal Imperial self.The MMO army represents how much I dislike MMO's but WoW and SWG look ok. And if your a runescape player, God help you, you'll realize that many players do actually talk like robots. "T3H ADDY ARMO 0R" Type. And yes, many dremoras and noobs were harmed in the making of this finale.)