I'm making a parody of Lilo and Stitch. My 3rd scumbag series…sorry, but I'll probably get started on Scumbag Bigby sometime in July (Edit: This was written back in May I believe so probably later on this year maybe) or something cuz I'm just not feeling it right now to write it. Would anyone even read it? Probably, but anyway, I just got through watching the movie and a couple of episodes…aaaaand the anime spin off that nobody counts as canon. It's alright except that L&S characters shouldn't be in it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lilo and Stitch. If I did, Stitch! wouldn't be a thing. I mean really? How much money did the creators of Stitch! have to fork over? A good chunk I would think. The worst part of that series is Stitch being dumped by Lilo for reasons unknown. On the wiki, it said she was going to college. If that was the case, why didn't she ask Nani to look after him or something? She shows up later with a kid, so why hasn't she taken him back in? As a matter of fact, did she just drop all contact just because she's an adult? What I'm saying is that the show is bullshit.

WARNING: Rated T for violence (not too much, just a little), and language. Plus OOCness in everyone if not almost everyone.

I smiled as I waved at my friend Pudge. Hopefully the fish would prevent the weather from getting bad if the sandwich was good enough. I hope it's good enough for him after all the trouble I've gone through to get the peanut butter. I even had to steal from Nani's "rainy day" funds aka her boob job jars cuz let's face it. Nani's boobs ain't gonna cut it. Suddenly I realized the time. It was time for hula practice and I couldn't be late. I quickly climbed out of the water and started towards class until I saw a fat guy.

One of my favorite hobbies includes taking pictures of fat asses I see as my campaign against models in magazines. Fat people should belong in magazines too. After ruining his day by making him drop his ice cream on the ground, I took off for practice. I quickly put on my hula skirt and ran inside to quickly join my place in line. I managed to arrive just in time before the song ended. Once the song was done and we said our lines, suddenly Mertle fell and somehow all the other girls fell down too, probably trying not to make her feel bad.

"Lilo, why are you wet?" asked my hula teacher.

"I was giving my friend Pudge a pb sandwich, duh!" I said. When he didn't seem to understand, I sighed and him about Nani being a dumbass mainly due to her wanting to have me use TUNA TO FEED A FUCKING FISH!

"Why do you feed a fish a sandwich?"

"Pudge controls the weather." I explained. "In order to get good weather, I've gotta feed him a sandwich."

"You're crazy." I glared at Mertle.

In all the years I've known her, I've never liked Mertle AT ALL! She has to be the biggest bitch in all of Hawaii and I was sick of it. Even when I told her my parents died, she didn't even react like a true friend would and those other fuckers reacted the same way, only because Mertle did it. She was the reason they weren't my friends. Why? Because I was weird! I jumped on her and beat her ass as well as bit her enough to almost draw blood before the teacher grabbed me and took me off of her.

"LET ME AT HER! LET ME AT THAT BITCH! I WANT HER HEAD!" I shouted struggling against my teacher.

"Ew she bit me!" Mertle held out her arm to her other friends.

I really wanted to finish beating her ass but my teacher dragged me off to calm down and give me a talking to. I didn't listen to a word he said though. I was too busy steaming mad about Mertle. She needed to get her butt kicked. She made fun of me for being an orphan and she called me weird. The worst part is that her little buddies all sided with her on everything. I've tried being friends with them before, but the thing is that they all have one hive mind. I've never heard them once disagree on Mertle with anything and that "Yeah!" shit was bothersome. There was never even a variation of agreement. Just agreeing with her and didn't even bother saying otherwise. I can't even remember them having a single conversation with any of them.

He told me to apologize and I agreed, but I was lying. He was still going to tell Nani anyways so why not just say forget apologizing? If he said he wouldn't tell her, I would but he didn't so I was going to do the opposite. When I got outside, I went down the stairs and called out for Mertle. Her and her followers turned around and looked at me.

"Bite me again…" she began. I didn't give her a chance to finish.

"Mertle, you're a piece of shit." I interrupted her. "If I had more time, I'd beat you so hard your mama wouldn't recognize you!"

"Are you threatening me, Weirdo?" she asked putting her hands on her hips.

"It's not a threat, it's a promise!" I assured her.

"I wish you would!" said Mertle putting on a tough front. "You know you won't try anything with the teacher watching."

I turned around and looked towards the door of the class and saw no one there. Turning back around, Mertle and her minions were walking off taking about saying how she might have to get a rabies shot. I wanted to run after her and beat the shit out of her, but with her minions around it would be difficult. I'd wait until she was alone. How long would that be? Then I thought of something. I headed home to go prepare for her and her little friends' downfalls.