Hello, my fellow ponies. I have been relegated to telling the story of my older sister, Trixie Lulamoon. Who am I? Just her choreographer, stage hand, stage builder, and occasionally staged volunteer from the audience. I'm not surprised you haven't seen me. I am small and pretty shy. Heck, even my cutie mark is all about not being seen. My talent is acting. I mean the full schtick. I research my roles so I can talk about things that actually matter to the part I'm playing. I am an ace with make up and costuming and my impressions are second to none. Throw a little unicorn magic on top and there is little I can't become.
My sister has reminded me that this is supposed to be about her and her fantastic quest for glory and to humble, as she puts it, that pathetic excuse for a princess, Twilight Sparkle. (Note for the princess: She isn't mad, just still thinks she is your rival). Our first stop on our quest for great glory was a little hamlet to the south of Canterlot called, Oakmane. As our usual information gathering occurred, I set up our stage. My sister insists that her magic show is the perfect cover for an amazing princess-to-be to travel under. She wanted to push the envelope again but I insisted that if these sheltered ponies didn't take kindly to our act that teleporting would just end with somepony's organs all over the place. Still, the show went beautifully.
Warning: this next session is so fantastically wonderful that if you are not prepared for the staggering genius that is Trixie you will find your mind turned to mere putty before her brilliance.
I started with your typical trio of levitation tricks all at the same time and proceeded to amaze them with my fireworks display, set up by my dear dear brother while the poor yokels were staring at my amazing tricks. I then cast an illusion on their elder to make him look like a dragon. When he wanted to breath fire, Trixie the Great and Powerful, cast a quick fire spell to make him spew flame into the sky. And for the big finale Trixie summoned and humbled an Ursa Minor, something Twilight could never hope to do even with her alicorn magic. That is right, Twilight! I have been training! Trixie is no simple pony. She is great and powerful and shall not be stopped!
She won't bother to read this, but it wasn't actually an Ursa Minor. I requested Fluttershy lend me a bear for our act. His name is Roger and he likes fish and honey. And clovers, but that last one confuses me. I used my skills to make it look like an Ursa Minor with make up and then cast a growth spell. It took a lot of energy but it was worth it to see my sister smile.
My sister tells me that writing it from my perspective distracts too much from her brilliance and to write it like the legendary tale it will become. Masq sighed with frustration and did as she requested. It was her story afterall. What say did the writer have in it?
And so the interrogation of the locals began. Trixie and her brother, Masquerade, began their search for information. The two had heard of strange goings on and after some research, Trixie believed it to be the dreaded Durududu. A creature said to be born of ancient technology and magic. All we had heard is that ponies were found dead or gone and strange linear tracks with ripples were seen leaving the scene. All of them seemed to be heading towards the rocky terrain to the east. And so Trixie and her aide found themselves destined to climb the mountains to the east. The Great and Powerful Trixie however found the task to be daunting. How could they ever… get the stage up the mountain? Trixie needed to maintain her cover after all. If this ancient creature spotted her for the future royalty she was destined for there was no telling what number of horrible things it would attempt to inflict upon her.
Her young aide suggested that perhaps if they enlisted their dear ally, Gilda the Mighty, then perhaps Trixie could be carried high enough to see the top and teleport to it. Trixie refused to dangle so helplessly below her mighty assistant as that would be demeaning to Gilda. Her brother just rolled his eyes, not truly believing Trixie's immensely kind and thoughtful reason for not wanting to be hoisted high above these uncivilized ponies. Then Roger had an idea.
Hoisting Masqurade onto his back, the bear smiled, the star that wouldn't come out of his fur still pronounced on his forehead. Trixie was astonished at how bold this bear was. How dare it attempt to eat her brother in front of her! Her brother patted his shoulders and said that he was offering a ride. Trixie swallowed hard but not seeing any other option joined her brother.
She then said, "You can't just summarize what Trixie is saying, brother. In order to gain the full scale of Trixie's brilliance you have to share every last one of Trixie's amazing thoughts in full detail."
He returned, "If I wrote every word you said, I wouldn't finish our first day on our quest before I was 30." These words fell on deaf ears as yet another condition was added to the way this tale is written. If Trixie has gained wings by the time this two day quest was completed on paper, Masq honestly considered hanging himself.
The two rode up the immense length as Trixie spoke in a very lengthy boring way that made it difficult to hear actual words and so this author believed this was the time to end the chapter. Patting Roger with the fluffy part of his quill, Masqurade said, "I can't think of almost anything more heroic than climbing a rocky hill on a bear." Trixie reminded him in a lengthy way that this was no hill but a mountain.