There's a line in Episode IV where C3PO announces that "There'll be no escape for the Princess this time." I started to wonder when Leia had been captured before at the same time that I thought it would be fun if Han and Leia had met earlier.

It was not fun for them. This dark little piece is the result. Warnings for mild torture and implied suicidal thoughts.

This story is a work of fan-fiction. Star Wars and its related characters were conceived by George Lucas and are now owned by Disney. I own none of this.

My thanks to my husband for beta-reading this for me. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

For purposes of this story, Han joined the Academy to get away from Shrike and he and Leia are closer in age than the ten years that we see in canon. Although this is AU, I did try to loosely follow canon and parts of the EU that aided the story. If you see something that would be better explained by canon or the Star Wars EU, please drop me a line. Thanks!

Han Solo awoke drenched in sweat. It wasn't often that he dreamt of his time in Imperial Starfleet. Even when he did, consciousness would chase away those vague, wispy bits of awareness. You don't want to remember, his mind warned. And so, Han had blocked out nearly all of his life before Chewie, of the time he had been known as Hanford Solomon: abandoned child, abused thief, Academy student, Imperial flunkie. Years ago, it had taken conscious effort not to remember, but now Han suppressed any recollections automatically. Any vague flickers of his previous life and he immediately turned his mind over to other thoughts. Never dwell on the past. It was the main reason why he never spoke of his childhood. There were gaps in his memory wide enough to fly an Imperial cruiser through.

But now, Han couldn't forget. This nightmare was too horrific, too real. He had never forgotten the incident, but the details had blurred with time. Now he remembered the event with clarity and a detail he had overlooked at the time clicked into place. Looking down at his beautiful wife, he shuddered. Her luminous brown eyes, closed in sleep, trusted him implicitly. He began to shake, hard, tears springing to his eyes before he could stop them, the bile rising in his throat. He bolted out of bed and ran to the refresher. He barely managed to get the door locked and the shower running before the keening began.

Leia awoke suddenly, her Force sense telling her that something was very wrong. She felt Han's empty side of the bed at the same time that she registered an odd noise over the sound of the shower. Was that Han? She left the bed and crept down the hall toward the refresher.

The closer she got, the more obvious it became. Han was crying. Leia felt chills. In all of the time that she had known Han, she had never once seen him cry. Even on their wedding day, as she blubbered her way through their vows, he had stood there, dry-eyed, smiling his crooked smile at her as he held her hands in his.

Leia had no idea what to do. What had happened?

She tried the refresher door. Locked. "Han?" Abruptly, the crying stopped. When he didn't reply, she tried knocking on the door. With more urgency, she called out, "Han?"

His voice was thick. "Taking a shower."

"No, you're not," she insisted, trying and failing to keep a gentle tone. "Han, I heard you. Please let me in."

There was a long silence. Just when she thought he wouldn't answer, he choked out, "I can't." Sounds of retching filled her ears.

Leia was no master of the Force. She wasn't Luke with his uncanny ability to read people's minds. But she could sense waves of desperation and self-loathing pouring off of her husband. She began a mental inventory of what was in the bathroom: razors, pills, scalding hot water ...

"Han!" She pounded on the door. "Let me in!"