A/N: This is a very short friendship one shot set sometime after Missing
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or its characters
"Incoming wormhole." Chuck announced, briefly looking over his shoulder at Sam before confirming. "It's Colonel Sheppard's IDC."
"Good. Lower the shield." Sam instructed, relieved that her premier team were returning on schedule. The fact that Jennifer was with them on her first mission since the Bola Kai made her doubly grateful for the return. However when the team stepped through the gate her relief turned to worry.
"What happened?" She asked as she jogged down the steps to greet the team. Looking them over she saw a sheepish looking Rodney, a calm Teyla and a slightly ruffled John flanking the drenched figures of Ronon and Jennifer. Whilst Ronon looked as disengaged as ever Jennifer seemed to simultaneously come across as irritated and humiliated.
"Well Rodney decided the 'don't touch anything holy' instruction didn't apply to him." John started. "The punishment for breaking that rule is death by drowning. Only not death to the person who did it." He explained, throwing a quick glance at the soaked Jennifer. "Ronon dived in and got her out, but I don't think we'll be doing any trade with them anytime soon."
"Are you okay?" Sam asked Jennifer.
"Fine." Jennifer half muttered through chattering teeth, desperately wanting to be anywhere than in the middle of the gate room being watched by what felt like half the expedition.
"Would it help if I said I was sorry, again?" Rodney asked turning to face Jennifer. As he moved he blocked everyone's view of Jennifer so no one was too sure what happened next. All the watching crowd knew was that through the power of some quietly spoken threat, or through a death stare the physicist paled and backed away just before Jennifer stomped from the gate room.
"I think she's starting to forgive you." John commented after a couple of moments silence.
-00-
"Hey." Sam said gently as she approached Jennifer later that evening.
"Colonel." Jennifer replied looking awkward.
"You mind?" Sam asked gesturing at the empty chair next to the CMO on the balcony.
"Hmm?" Jennifer asked, momentarily confused before catching on to what Sam was pointing at. "Oh sure. Please." She added, sounding flustered. As Sam sat Jennifer said. "About earlier, I wanted to apologise."
"For what?"
"The gate room. Storming out. Not exactly professional."
"Seeing you were freezing I assumed it was because you needed to get warm." Sam smiled. "You want to talk about it."
"No. Yes. I don't know. Don't you have better things to do?"
"My entertainment tonight is paperwork." Sam grimaced. "You'd be saving me a night of anguish."
For a minute Jennifer remained silent making Sam think that the doctor wasn't going to open up, but then Jennifer passed Sam a bottle of beer and the flood gates opened.
"Why me? I mean I haven't cracked any mirrors, not walked under a ladder, not done what ever it is you are meant to do or not do to a black cat. I don't even eat salt so can't spill it. Despite all of that this universe seem to have it in for me. Especially this galaxy. I didn't even ask for this. Carson asked me to come here. I had no idea where here was until I got here. I didn't ask for his job, in fact I definitely remember asking not to have his job." She paused as she finished her bottle of beer and opened another one before continuing sadly. "Perhaps it is because of what I did to Dr Weir."
"You saved her life." Sam pointed out.
"No I changed her life for the worse. She's missing because of me. If I hadn't given her the nannites-" Jennifer started on for Sam to cut in.
"She'd be dead."
"According to Colonel Sheppard that would have been better."
"He said that?" Sam asked.
"He didn't have to."
"How many lives have you saved?" Sam asked, suddenly changing subjects.
"No idea."
"Over a hundred?" Sam guessed.
"Maybe." Jennifer shrugged. "Why?"
"Well your cosmic karma theory falls apart when you think about all the people you have saved."
"Not really. I couldn't save the ones that really mattered, like Dr Weir, Carson, my moth… It doesn't really matter, all I know is the universe has it in for me."
"If I believed that I wouldn't send you out on missions." Sam said. "But if you believe it, it will become a self fulfilling prophecy."
"Kinda hard not to believe it."
"I know. Trust me I've been there. I think we all have."
"So how'd you get through it?" Jennifer asked.
"Thinking of the positives." Sam suggested.
"What positives? I almost drowned."
"But you didn't. There must be something positive you can take from the mission. It might not seem like it now, but there'll be a positive in there somewhere. Try to dig it out." Sam suggested.
Jennifer opened her mouth to argue when she recalled Ronon carrying her to the gate. She remembered how nice it felt to be held against his warm chest by his strong arms. As the distinctively positive memories surfaced she felt herself starting to redden.
"You okay?" Sam asked, her voice full of concern.
"Yeah, sorry. Maybe I've had a beer too many."
"If you weren't a doctor I'd buy that." Sam said. Noticing Jennifer's confused look the Colonel explained. "My best friend was a doctor, I learnt that med school was as much about drinking as about medicine. She could drink anyone under the table."
Jennifer caught the use of the past tense and considered her next move before finally asking.
"What happened to her?"
"KIA." Sam said succinctly.
"I'm sorry." Jennifer said empathetically.
Sam silently nodded her thanks at the consolatory word before asking.
"You ever regret coming here. I mean really regret it, not just because you are having a bad day?"
"I really don't know." Jennifer said after some consideration. "When I went back home after the whole Bola Kai thing I half expected that I'd never want to come back. But when I was home, as good as it was seeing my dad again, something felt like it was missing."
"I know what you mean." Sam agreed. "I fought tooth and nail to get onto SG1, but when I was finally a member of the team I spent weeks, helped by a few bad missions, questioning if I really wanted to be there and whether or not I'd do better in the lab. It wasn't until there was some enforced down time that I truly realised I belonged out there with SG1." The Colonel then downed the rest of her beer before adding. "I guess what I'm trying to say is feeling like you belong takes time and there will be bumps along the way, but it will get better."
"Thanks." Jennifer said warmly as a small remote controlled helicopter flew into her back. "What the-" She asked turning round only to see the guilty looking Rodney walk towards her.
"Sorry." He said as John appeared and added.
"Again."
"Do you have to keep bringing that up?" Rodney asked John.
"You did cause the doc to nearly be drowned because you couldn't follow the rules." John pointed out. "I feel there's a lesson in there that you'll only learn if I keep repeating it."
Before Rodney could respond Sam asked.
"What exactly are you two doing?"
"It's team night and we're having a helicopter race." John explained.
"So where's the rest of your team?" Sam asked looking round for Teyla and Ronon.
"Back in my room picking a film." John answered.
"Conan and Xena don't appreciate the skill involved in flying these babies." Rodney said picking his downed helicopter up and checking for damage.
"Anyway once Rodney has waved the white flag of surrender we're joining them." John jumped back in. "You want to come. The more the merrier."
"I thought you said it was team night." Jennifer said.
"Rodney's attempt to get you killed makes you part of the team." John grinned, adding. "We have chocolate, popcorn and ice cream."
"You do?" Both women asked.
"Do I even want to know how you managed that?" Sam asked.
"Probably not." John smiled. "So shall we?"