The Awesome Adventures of Wilson Young Wong - #1:
- The Pre-Genesis -
In the beginning, there was nothing but Wilson.
In the beginning, Wilson was all.
This is an epic of how all of Wilson became the only Wilson.
The First Day
Lightning struck earth as Wilson Young Wong, our hero, skipped across America. He was feeling very angry as it seemed His brethren had been undermining His power in His world. Wilson screeched a mighty screech in exasperation while He prowled His domain for His fellow Wilsons.
"Those who have been misusing their powers in the realm of Wilson shall be punished!" shouted Wilson, His face full of generic rage.
Wilson soon found His first victim, Wilson, His youngest brother who was using His godly powers in seducing Wilson's sister, also known as Wilson. Wilson Young Wong was walking into His brother's house on Mt. Olympus, when He saw Wilson once again seducing Wilson into having illicit, incestuous but also very hot relations that would make a great educational film had education existed back in the day.
"Wilson!" Wilson shouted, "What the hell are you doing to Wilson!?"
"Why brother," Wilson smiled sickeningly sweetly. "I was just trying to have Wilson here have illicit, incestuous but also very hot relations with me. It would make a great educational film if education existed in this time"
"What is wrong with you Wilson?! What the heck is education? Why would ANYONE ever need such a useless thing?" screamed Wilson with anger fitting of Gods. "Would you seduce me?" continued Wilson Young Wong, eyes bulging and nearly touching His glasses.
Wilson looked surprised, but then as quickly as it came, His expression left and Wilson looked Wilson in the face.
With the smugness of a million internet tough guys, Wilson replied without skipping a beat.
"I'm sorry bro, but I really don't see how my actions have made you so angry."
And with that Wilson confirmed both His brother's inability to comprehend sin and ridiculous arrogance. Wilson then gave His brother a swift roundhouse kick to the head, heavily damaging his pathetic brain, ripped both of his arms off of his useless body and took a whizz in his eye socket to complete the deed. With a satisfied smile on His face, Wilson looked at Wilson's mutilated body and whispered in an almost-shout, "Purple bus, Microsoft."
Wilson then looked at His damaged sister, Wilson, and saw something He did not want to see at all. Wilson was eating Wilson's remains! Wilson then shook His head and said, "As an unbiased higher being, I can not let a cannibal live. Even if she was traumatized by my own brother."
Wilson looked at Wilson in fear, and she too, had her head kicked in, which was followed by an immediate, mostly painless death.
Wilson, now having completed His task for the day, was satisfied, took both the Wilson's bodies into a ditch and took a whizz on their lifeless bodies.
"Wilson help us all if the rest of my brethren turn out as nasty as this lot." Wilson then took a cigarette out of nowhere and walked away into the sunlight as a tumbleweed blew past Him, jazz music started playing and the ending credits rolled.