AN/ This is a short oneshot that I came up with that takes place three years after Castle's accident. Castle doesn't make it and Kate is left with raising his son.

This was painful to write, guys…

Disclaimer: I do own Castle. Sad face.

Someday I will be with you again, just not today.

It was Saturday, which meant it was the day where she went to the same place every week, without fail.

I miss you.

It was her ritual, her solace in this life. Her only joy these days was raising their son… And even he was a reminder every day of who she had lost.

He has your eyes, babe. He has piercing, blue eyes that could only come from you.

Kate got out of bed, a heaviness in her limbs. The hurt hadn't left, even three years later, and she was nowhere near being able to move on. Martha and Alexis had been good to her, even though they were working through such monumental pain themselves. They each pitched in, helping with the baby, Rodger.

I told you that I didn't want you raising our baby on your own, but I didn't mean this. I need you.

Kate scraped a comb through her hair. She had cut it off right after he died. She knew how much he loved it, and she couldn't bear the reminder.

Speaking of hair…

Kate finished getting herself together, and put a bottle of bourbon, his favorite, and his set of poker chips in her bag.

I want you here with me. I would do anything to play another game of scrabble with you.

Kate looked at her things, and took a moment to reminisce. A tear threatened to spill down her face but she wouldn't let it. She had gotten good and not crying, trying to be strong for baby Rodger.

Kate was living at the loft, and today was the day where Martha and Alexis took care of him. They knew her routine, and they knew that this was what she had to do today.

Kate picked up her bag and starting towards the door. Her gait had gotten more and more timid since he left. Most of the people in her life didn't even recognize her anymore. There was a brokenness in her eyes that never seemed to leave, and even smiling was still hard.

Our partnership, our relationship, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I love you with all of my heart.

Kate got to her destination. She was able to get to his grave without even looking where she was going. She had the way memorized, ingrained on her mind and heart.

Kate sank down next to the stone and got out the bourbon and poker chips that she always brought and set them next to her. She laid down next to where he lay and put her hand on the ground, hoping to be as close to him as possible. For a second, she felt at ease. These trips brought her some relief from the difficult, weeks, months, and years she had had.

I feel you every day, Rick. I feel you in the morning, even when I wake up alone in our bed, reaching for you, crying out for you. I feel you at work, when I look at your chair, and wish more than anything that you would come walking out of the break room and offer one of your crazy theories, I feel you at night when I'm up with Rodger.

I feel you as I make enough coffee for only one person.

I feel you through Rodger, most of all.

I feel you always in my heart… And I love you with everything I have

Always