author's note: ok i'm honestly going to say that all I did with thhis story was add the detale. Lauren told me all of her ideas and I just put them into words so this story belongs to her not to me. :)
Even in the shower water she missed him, everything around made her think of him. Even the shower, all the mornings she'd sneak into the Humphrey loft and sneak into the shower with him. The way the water darkened his already dark hair, the way the water rolled off of his skin, the feel of his breathing on her neck as he'd run his hands all over her body. It made her shiver and closer her eyes, it was all just so painful to think about.
Trying not to cry she opened the shower door and grabbed the first towel she could reach and dried her face on it first. Even though she knew that her tears were going to keep coming down, they'd lasted all eight weeks of summer so far with no shot of stopping for anything. As she made her way to her bedroom and began to dig through her clothes when she found what she was looking for she didn't hesitate to slip into them. His boxers and his tee shirt, two items she held so dear. They were the pieces of him that she had left to hold onto and for that they meant the world to her.
"Serena Dear, dinner is finished. Come down and join me please."
Serena gave her messy disheveled reflection a final look over knowing that her grandmother would comment soon as she walked down the stairs looking like she'd been crying for hours. She had been but it wasn't the point.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs the smell of dinner made her feel as though she were going to burst into a fresh batch of tears again. The creamy, garlicky tomato sauce normally would have made her hungry, but now it just reminded her of Dan. The way he'd made sure it was perfect, just the way she'd liked it. He was always so caring to her, she missed it. She missed being the one he needed, because he'd made it so that she depended on him.
"Gram, I'm not really so hungry."
Serena called out from the stairs as she turned around and rushed back up to her room to bury herself in the pillows. After another good fifteen minuet cry she hit the button on the television. After flicking threw channels for what felt like forever she came across a movie. A Walk To Remember, a movie she could still remember forcing Dan to watch with her. For once Shane West didn't even look the least bit tempting. In fact nothing seemed more tempting then Dan himself, even as he tried to deny the fact that he himself had shed a few tears at the end of the movie.
The thought of it all made her reach out for his sweater, the argyle one she'd taken the first time they'd nearly made love. The sweater meant so much to her, she swore if she closed her eyes really tightly she could still smell him on it.
Later on that evening as the movie ended she couldn't control herself as she reached for her cell phone and pressed number 1. he was still first on her speed dial, the place that he belonged, because he would always be number one in her heart. Her heart raced as she waited for him to pick up, but when the voice mail did she was a little relieved. Her heart was still racing and her mind was pounding as she started to speak into the phone.
"I want you to know that just so much as listening to your voice on the answering machine makes me wish even more that you were sitting here with your arms around me. I haven't bothered you all summer long but while I'm sitting here watching our movie and you're not here to whisper in my ear or pull me close to you I can feel myself breaking all over again. I miss hearing your heartbeat Dan, I miss sitting here with my head against your chest just listening to the sound letting me know that your heart's beat was for me. Every sound ever thump was mine and I… I just miss that."
Her voice shook with every word that was coming out of her mouth like a waterfall of emotions let lose when the dam broke. She could feel herself slowly losing all control and part of her wanted to hang up the phone before she could admit anymore to him. Serena hated to be and feel so fragile, but when it came to Dan she never felt more emotion in her entire life.
"I miss the look you get in your eyes when you look at me, or when you used to. Before I trashed that. I miss being the one that you held a special smile for. I don't know what I am without the look in your eyes, it made he feel like I mattered, like I wasn't just some dumb slut like I've felt like my entire life. It always reminded me that when you looked at me when we… you.. that you loved me, that it was always special and that it always meant something. God Dan, there are so many things that I need you for and I don't know who I am without you there for me. I don't want to be without you."
She'd felt like her life was in shambles since he'd let go of her the night of her mother's wedding and most of the beginning of summer she'd begged Nate to put her out of her misery. She'd spent the days piss drunk and the nights sobbing into her sheets. No one had been able to tear her of her desolation and depression.
"Every time I close my eyes I need you Dan, I fucking need you and you're not here. I don't know how to be me without you. What do I do when the only thing to make me ok is gone for good? I know I caused this, and I know what I did was wrong but that doesn't stop me from needing you. You're the only one Dan, I may not be the only one for you but you're the only one for me. When I said we were forever I knew it was true for me. No one's ever going to make me feel the way you make me feel."
Her voice was straining to come out now, she was so raw of emotion and pain she was almost gasping for breath. She was always crying lately, and nothing could stop her from it.
"I don't want to do it without you anymore, I don't think I can. I don't think I can live without knowing that you love me."
Serena couldn't even get another word out of her mouth as she shut the phone off and cuddled back in a ball with his sweater on. It was the closest thing she got to feeling him around her. She missed every inch of him, more then words could even tell.
It seemed to him like it had taken forever to get to the Hampton, even with Eric's instructions on how to get there that he'd been given at six thirty it was still a little after three when he arrived. Lucky for Dan Eric had told him how to sneak right into Serena's bedroom so that he wouldn't have to deal with Ceecee. It was a relief for him. After a few failed attempts to climb and scale the side of the old Victorian beach house he'd finally made it up enough to find her big bay window of her bedroom.
As Eric said the window would be it was ajar just the slightest that Dan was able to push it open and climb through it without making to much noise. He knew that she would have to be sound asleep by the time he got there, at least he hoped she would be because as it was he wasn't sure how he was going to explain why or how he'd gotten there.
Dan turned away from the window soon as he'd climbed out of it only for his eyes to fall upon his perfect angel in a heap on the floor. She was laying in a ball, the moonlight hit her beautiful blonde hair and her features making everything about her look delicate and fragile. He couldn't help but let his dorky smile play across his features. This beautiful, flawless, perfect… angel was in love with him. The girl of his dreams, the only who had ever excepted him for who he was. Yet he'd let her go without much thought. The words had just come out of his mouth before he could take them back. And now here she was with a box of tissues scattered around her used and crumpled. He felt like a total ass.
Bending down beside her he moved a strand of perfect blonde hair out of her face, she was so perfect in his eyes. Everything about her was that of a goddess and he missed it all being his, he missed being able to kiss her and touch her when ever he wanted to.
"Oh Serena, there's not a moment in the day that I don't miss your perfect green eyes looking at me and your beautiful childish laugh filling the air around us. I miss waking up with you in my arms holding onto Cedic and my blanket. I miss the way the rain rolls off your nose when we get stuck in a downpour because you wanted to walk and not take a cab. How when you can't eat anymore of your pizza you throw it at me and expect me to finish it, no matter where we are or what we're doing you're always holding my hand. The way you let my wondering hands take a feel whenever no one's looking or paying attention, I miss your kisses, your body so tightly wrapped around mine I don't know how we both sleep. Everything about you Serena. It's you, it always has been and I… I think.. no, I know it always will be."
He hadn't even noticed her perfect green eyes blink open as she listened silently to the words out of his mouth. Part of her thought she had to be dreaming, even as his hand was on her shoulder. But if she really was dreaming she needed to take every advantage of it and as he leaned down with his eyes shut to kiss her cheek she moved her head and captured his bottom lip between her two. She could tell he was taken back and hadn't expected her to waken when his eyes blinked open but didn't bother to move his mouth from her own. Rather he simply let the kiss deepen as he kicked off his shoes and pushed her over in the bed. She felt him lay down beside her as he wrapped her hand across her chest, and she threw her leg over his and there she lay, cuddled in each other's arms the only place in the world they wanted to be.
"Serena I love you."
He whispered into her ear as he lightly kissed it.
"I love you too Dan."