Just one more
She gives me that glance that says you know what I want; I wink back as if to play dumb. We cross each other never letting anyone know, a secret joke that she only knows about. I've tried to forget it and let it slide but she always comes back to me, haunting me, telling me.
"Just take one more, one more"
It's always one more until I explode! My brain feels like the blood is rushing out of my ears, my head feels light and I can't breath, I can't speak; I just listen to the words that she whispers in my ear. She says.
"You know that you want me, I want you to just let me take you and do these things to you, you don't have to say anything just let me help you…..Why not just let it go and give in it's easier that way. We don't have to fight we could be fine you know it would work why don't you let me in?"
And I stare at her wondering why…what should the answer be, what should I say? Should I stay quiet, should I walk away? I decide against every thought and act on impulse pushing her toward the wall, I run a hand over her stomach another on her neck, I grind myself against her moaning out the pent up whispers that exist deep within my soul. She kisses me I kiss her back it's not rushed, it's hard and erotic and everything I always expect to get from her. She tells me how perfect this is, I tell her how perfect she is and slowly we back toward her room.
She pulls me I comply, into the room we go; my heads spinning and nothing makes sense I only feel her lips, her hands burning my flesh where ever she touches me. I touch her back she moans with pleasure. This feeling I'm feeling, I can't get rid of it, I need to have it! She's my drug it's all so fucked up how we ended up this way.
One more hit just let me take one more and I'll stop, the mantra goes over and over in my head as I kiss at her neck one more, just one more and I keep going. I feel her, she's wet I want her so bad it doesn't even make sense to me anymore; I drink her in I'm dizzy and everything's spinning. She tells me how right this is, I tell her how right she is and were back in it again, doing the same thing yet it's always different and it feels so amazing that I will never be able to stop.
I found out that she did it when I caught her in the bathroom once, I asked her.
"Let me try it"
First time I didn't feel a thing, second time there was something, third time I was completely hooked. Eight hits and I was flying high, feeling a happiness I can only feel when I'm with her, every time I'd see her we'd go somewhere, we'd do what we needed and go the rest of the day feeling this bliss that made everything in this fucked up life seem right.
No one knows it except us; no one can feel this except us because it can only happen to us it's a strange thing what we will do to be happy. She grabs my hands and puts them above my head I can tell that she's so close and I'm so close she starts moving I start feeling that familiar feeling, I grunt and moan feeling amazing. She tells me she loves me, I tell her I love her to.
It's always one more hit and I promise my self that I'll be finished and I take six more. One more, just let me have one more and I'll be ok I promise. She rests her head against me as we fall into a peaceful sleep, tomorrow will do it all over again this repetitive cycle that feels to good to stop, yet at the same time I try to stop promising this is that last time and then one more time comes back to hit me again. Then one day I wanted my hit and she was taken away from me in the most horrible of ways, she's gone and I'm without anyone……..But I still get that one hit it's just without her.
I look at my therapist; he just stares back at me, nothing to say. Silence fills the room I know that this was our last session and every session I never say a word and now at our last one I decided to tell him something worth writing down.
"Well Miley that was uh very good…."
"Yeah…."
He rustles some papers, stacks them neatly then looks at me.
"You know that the system is moving you to another state right?"
"Yes" I answered, how could I not know?
"Well they've told me that there moving you to…."
"Salem, Massachusetts"
"Yes well you'll like it there I hear it's very nice in the fall…"
And I walked out waiting for the bus to take me back to the group home. I took another hit just to get that familiar feeling back, always that one…….Just one more.
Alright no idea where this came from but I figured you guys would enjoy it. I'm not sure where I'm gonna go with this but please drop me a review and tell me what you think.