Please enjoy viewing an episode of Gotham through my weird, crazy eyes. You can read more of the adventures of Jack Kerr in The Secret Diaries of Alfred Pennyworth, also by me. To avoid a massive headache, please refrain from thinking too much about the implications of a character from a TV show meeting the cast of that TV show in real life. Please enjoy!

The cast of Gotham sat at their tables, ready for their early script reading. The directors were nowhere to be found, and the reading couldn't start without them. The actors and actresses mingled among each other, bored. The nameplates in front of them read, "Ben Mckenzie, Donal Logue, Robin Lord Taylor, Cameron Monaghan, David Mazouz, Camren Bicondova..."

"What time is it?" Camren asked, checking her phone tiredly.

Sean shrugged. "Bruno and Danny were supposed to be here half an hour ago. Where are they?"

Ben's phone beeps, and he checked it for a text. "Oh, wait guys. I just got a text from Bruno. He says, 'Watch out, there's a crazy clown boy running down the hall, and-"

"Hello, cast of Gotham! It's a pleasure to meet you!" the boy shouts, making the whole room wince. "My name is Jack Kerr, and I'm here for the script reading!" he had spiky hair with green highlights, black street clothes with a tuxedo vest on, and a crazy grin.

"Who are you?" Erin asks.

"It's not who I am, it's who you are!" Jack grins. "No, I lied. Who I am is very important. I'm the new script supervisor!"

"You're fifteen years old." Donal snorts, drinking from his complementary bottle of water.

Jack growls. "Quiet, Bullock. Or I'll kill you off in the next script. I'm the one who wrote this week's script! There was one before, but this one is so much better! Also, I've placed a bomb at the door that will go off unless you play along."

"That's a tape recorder."

"So, Jim. Let's start with you!"

Ben raises his hand. "Umm... my name's not Jim."

"Of course it is! They called you that on Gotham like a bazillion times."

"I only play Jim on Gotham. My name is Ben Mckenzie."

"Oh, sorry about that. I didn't realize they cut out the attitude parts. So, picture this..."

"Where's Jerome Valeska?!" Jim shouted, getting into the perp's face. He backed away, scared at what Jim and his partner had done to his friends. The broken glass lay shattered on the floor, and the moans of pain from outside the window made the perp shudder.

"I-I got no idea!"

"You believe him?" Jim growled at his partner sarcastically. Harvey shook his head with a growl, "Nope." And Jim brought his fist down on the perp's face. The perp fell over in pain, and held his hands up to defend himself.

"Wait, wait! I could help you! Y- You know, spread the word and stuff." He whimpered.

Jim shrugged. "Valeska killed a good friend of ours. Anyone helps him, anyone protects him, they go down too. Now go spread the word."

"No... NO!" he yelled, as Jim and Harvey propped him up next to the window, holding him there while Rebecca Black's song Friday blared over the radio. He screamed in agony as Jim and Harvey grinned, their earplugs saving them from the torture of Rebecca Black's voice. The perp struggled and writhed, finally escaping Jim's grip and going tumbling out the window and landing in the dumpster two stories below.

GOTHAM

Tabitha Galavan pulled her boots up and loosened her combat boot straps, ready to go out into the field on her mission, when she heard footsteps. Barbara Kean crept closer and closer, with Tabitha's whip in hand.

"Need this?" she smirked, holding the whip up.

Not knowing what was happening, Tabitha lightly grabbed the whip. Barbara followed her touch, and soon, the two were kissing passionately and deeply.

Then, Aaron walked in. "Hey, Theo. I need to talk to you about-" he froze at the sight of his seductress kissing another woman. "Barbara? I thought you loved me."

A single tear dripped down his cheek, and he lumbered down the hall. Theo came down the hall, looking strangely at the crying Aaron Helzinger, while wheeling in his cart of various breakfast items.

"So glad to see you two are getting along." he said. "Jerome's outside. Try to keep him focused."

Tabitha glared at his sister, and walked down the hall. Out the window, there was insane laughter, and the sound of a tree toppling and a car alarmed. Theo sighed, "She didn't keep Jerome focused."

Barbara sighed, crashing on the couch. "So you're going to take over Gotham by unleashing a bunch of loonies. Awesome plan."

"I didn't hire you for your attitude, Barbara." Theo glared. "Besides, this is just phase one. My ancestors built Gotham. They carved the bedrock from which it stands, yet there is not a bridge, alley, or street that carries their name. I'm here to punish those who wronged us and take back this city."

Barbara was silent for a long time, until she finally said, "Right about now, any sane person would be running for their life. Good thing I'm a convict."

"You're going to love phase two. There's a starring role for you. When Jim Gordon has outlived his usefulness, I'm going to help you destroy him. Not kill him, destroy him. Body and soul."

"So... you're going to get him married?"

"If I didn't need you, I'd find you really annoying."

(OVERHEAD SHOT OF CITY)

"Hey, Alvarez! Which one are you tracking down?" Jim scowled, walking through the precinct.

"Oh, should I be doing work? Because, I mean... we don't have a boss anymore."

"I'M THE BOSS!"

"Okay then, I'll start tracking down Helzinger. Whatever pays the bills. Wait, you're paying us, right?"

"JUST DO IT!"

Jim ran up the steps to find a rookie officer taking the police tape off of Essen's office. It was time to crush her spirit.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I-I thought-"

"That stays up until the investigation is over, are you stupid? Go sell that police badge and buy yourself a brain, idiot!"

"I liked our old boss better."

Jim stood on the balcony and stared down the entire GCPD with a death stare, yelling to all of them. "Sarah Essen and nine of your brothers were killed in this house. IN OUR HOUSE! Never forget that."

Alvarez raised his hand confused. "Who's Sarah Essen?"

It was a good thing Lee was behind Jim to stop him from jumping off the balcony and strangling Alvarez.

(OVERHEAD SHOT OF CITY)

The Gotham Children's Hospital Gala. The entire place was full of lights and people in suits, getting ready for the magic show. Bruce walked in with his butler Alfred, still complaining about being there.

"This is a waste of time, Alfred." He whined, a stern face plastered on his head.

Alfred sighed. "Your parents were patrons of the children's hospital, and that makes you a patron. Besides, I heard there's going to be a magician. You like magicians, don't you?"

"No I don't. I hate magicians."

"You know, it's okay to be a little bit mirthful every once in a while."

"Seriously, they're so fake and loud, and they're so-"

"Alright, Master Bruce. I get it." Alfred growled, sad that Bruce had just spit on his childhood dreams of being a magician. Then, a woman came up to them. Alfred stopped and stared, his mouth gaping open. Her eyes was beautiful, and her skin was as fair as snow. Alfred had never seen anyone so beautiful.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Thompkins. I work with Jim. I saw you, and-"

"Oh yes." Bruce smiled. "It's very nice to meet you. This is my legal guardian, Alfred Pennyworth."

Alfred smiled stupidly, waving love stricken.

"How has Detective Gordon been since the attack on the precinct?" Bruce asked. "I feel like I should give him a call."

"He'd like that. But not right now, because he just tried to murder Detective Alvarez."

Bruce did a short fake laugh, and then his gaze shifted to the bar. This time, his mouth dropped open, and he sighed dreamily as his eyes landed on Selina Kyle, fluttering around the bar in a tight, cut-out black dress. His heart fluttered as Selina turned to face him, and slinked past the doorway out of his view.

"M-May I get you a drink?" Bruce asked, wanting an excuse to see Selina.

Lee shook her head. "No, I'm good, thanks."

"Water it is, I'll be right back." Bruce sighed, dashing through the room and chasing after Selina. That left the lovestruck Alfred by himself with Lee, and he got a chance to try out some of his smooth british moves.

David raised his hand. "Um, I think this is out of character for Bruce. I mean, shouldn't he at least find a feasible excuse to go to the bar?"

Jack turned his head. "Sorry, Bruce. Who's the script supervisor here?"

"My name is David. I only play Bruce in Gotham."

"Okay, then. Look!" Jack growled, as he grabbed James Frain's nameplate off the desk and stuck it onto his lapel. "Look, I'm James Frain. I'm a big shot Hollywood actor! See? I can use fake names too."

"It's not a fake name! It's my real name, and Bruce is my-"

"Okay, does anyone else have a problem with the script I wrote?"

Donal Logue raised his hand, confused. "Why did you scratch out my name on the script and write Haymitch Abernathy?"

Jack shrugged. "That's who you're playing, isn't it?"

"No."

"Oh. Well, I already used our budget and bought the rights to Haymitch from WB, so... this season's going to be about eight episodes shorter. So, let's get on with the script! Bruce, let's start with your line."

"MY NAME'S NOT BRU-"

"H-Hello, Selina." the billionaire stuttered as he meekly tapped Selina on the shoulder. "I-I didn't expect to see you here."

Unfortunately, Selina was right in the middle of lifting a wallet. Bruce's voice made the guy turn around, notice the little girl picking through his pockets, take his wallet back, and storm off. Selina sighed, "Okay, new rule. Not while I'm stealing stuff."

"Y-You do know this is a benefit for a children's hospital."

Selina sighed, "Yeah. So?"

"These people are all here for a good cause."

"Me eating is a good cause."

"But there's a table of free food and drinks right behind you."

"Me buying hair curlers and ice cream is also a good cause. Besides, didn't I steal something for you once?"

Bruce looked at the ground. "Selina, that was different."

"No, I meant when I stole Tommy Elliot's door keys so we could watch him try to climb through the window of his house."

"Touché."

The two were silent for a while until Bruce broke the silence. "Alfred says there's going to be a magician."

Selina sighed, "I'm working. And I hate magicians. See you around, Bruce."

She brushed past his shoulder walking past him, and Bruce froze in his spot, his hand coming up to where Selina touched him. He thought, oh my god. She hates magicians too. We have so much in common.

Meanwhile, back with Lee and Alfred, Alfred had been entertaining Lee with his war stories. He was doing well until he said, "You have the most beautiful eyes." And Lee realized where he was going.

"I-I mean... wow. But I..."

Just then, Bruce walked in to ruin the moment, tapping Alfred on the shoulder to get his attention. "Alfred, I'd like to leave."

Alfred silently screamed in frustration that Bruce was ruining his moment with Lee. His mouth said, "What about Dr. Thompkins' water?" but his eyes said, "You get the hell out of here, I'm having a moment."

Bruce turned to Lee. "I'm sorry, I must have forgotten your water. I'd still like to leave."

In his mind, Alfred was ready to throw Bruce across the room, but he didn't have to since a man walked up to Lee and whispered something in her ear. She murmured, "Is it time? I roped myself into emcee duties for the night. I hope you'll stay for the show."

"We wouldn't miss it for the world." Alfred said, before Bruce could say his very different answer. Bruce was then forced to face the stage, glaring at Alfred, who smiled at Lee much more happily.

Lee made her way up to the stage and got the audience's attention. "My name is Dr. Lee Thompkins. For years, we've had various magicians come and entertain our kids, and tonight, we have one of those magicians here for you. I'd like to present... the Great Rodolfo!"

A magician with a fake red beard and a top hat came onstage alongside his assistant, a woman in a pink dress. He faced the audience with open arms, announcing, "Yes, I am indeed the Great Rodolfo! Please ogle my lovely assistant!"

Rodolfo began his laughably cliché magic routine, making a flower and a dove appear out of a handkerchief, and pulling out a human sized box, strangely the height and width of a fourteen year old boy. "For my first act, I'll require a volunteer. Let's see... duck, duck, duck, duck, duck..." he covered his eyes and pointed around the audience, his finger finally landing on Bruce. "Goose."

A spotlight landed on Bruce, and he looked around the room to find everyone looking at him. His eyes went to Selina, smirking slightly and twitching her head to the magician. Bruce shot her a sarcastic glare. Rodolfo's assistant came down and held out her hand to Bruce.

"Go on, Master Bruce." Alfred nudged him, still trying to impress Lee. "Don't keep them waiting."

Bruce thought for a while, looking to Selina and making her outright laugh. Finally, Selina used a cough to hide the word, "Loser," and Bruce held out his hand. Rodolfo's assistant led him up the stage and onto a stool, where he took his shoes off and started to get into the body box. Rodolfo started to close it around him.

"Does this handsome young gentleman have a name?" Rodolfo asked.

"His name's Bruce Wayne!" Selina shouted, making Bruce glare at her.

Rodolfo laughed. "Well, Bruce? This won't hurt a bit. Is there a doctor in the house?" With that, he took the two saws, lined them up with the middle of the box, and pushed them down.

At the reading table, James Frain noticed Robin looking down and typing into his phone. "Robin, what are you doing?" he whispered.

Robin leaned in and whispered, "What do you think? I'm calling Security on this little creep."

"Hey, Penguin!" Jack yelled, nearly making Robin drop his phone in shock. "No texting during script readings!"

"Yes, sir." Robin said. "And, my name's not Penguin. It's Robin. Robin Lord Taylor."

"Oh, you changed it?"

"I didn't change it, Robin is my-" Robin stopped and sighed. He decided there was no point correcting the little maniac. "Yes. I changed my name to Robin."

"Hmmm. I don't like it. Change it back to Penguin, or you're fired." Jack grinned.

"Yes, sir. My name is Penguin now."

Jack laughed with glee and continued reading his revised script while Robin secretly texted security.

Jim walked through the locker room at the precinct alongside Bullock, trying to ignore his suggestions.

"Jim, I'm telling you. We can chuck mopes out of windows until the cows come home, but at some point, we've got to go see Penguin."

"Why would he break Jerome out of Arkham?" Jim growled, getting his coat out of his locker.

"He wouldn't but he's got his ear to the ground, he'll know what's up."

"I'll think about it."

"Gotham is under his control, no one does anything without him knowing about it."

"I'll think about it!"

"The cops here are calling you two Gobblepot."

"WHAT?!"

Jim's phone rang, and he answered it, "What is it?"

"Hey, Jim. It's Lee." said Leslie on the phone. "Listen, I have to ask you something. You know Bruce Wayne?"

"Yeah."

Lee laughed, "Yeah, so... how mad would you be if I went to Chez Parnes with his butler?"

"WHAT?!"

"It is seriously not your day." Bullock smirked.

(YET ANOTHER OVERHEAD SHOT OF CITY)

Rodolfo triumphantly removed the two halves of the box, revealing the bloodless saws and Bruce's still very alive halves. Rodolfo whispered to him, "Wave for the audience."

Bruce waved as the audience clapped in awe. Rodolfo grinned, putting the two box halves together. He opened the top and Bruce climbed out in one piece, brushing himself off and walking back to Alfred. Selina smirked at him, making him blush a bit.

"See, not only have I just sawed Bruce in half," Rodolfo grinned, "I have also made his wallet magically disappear!"

Bruce's eyes widened as he realized his wallet was gone, and Rodolfo called up the next volunteer. "For my next act, I'd like to call up esteemed deputy mayor, Harrison Kane!"

Deputy Mayor Kane stepped up to the stage happily, the audience wondering what Rodolfo was going to do. Rodolfo's assistant lifted a sheet to reveal a selection of knives, and Rodolfo picked one up. "By the way, no one here... is getting out alive."

The audience laughed, and Jerome threw the knife. The audience kept laughing, and Jerome turned to face Kane and found out the knife had landed in the wall behind him. Jerome growled, and threw another knife, missing again. Jerome threw one more knife, this one just barely missing Kane's head.

"Okay, I can't deal with this. Barbara, can you just-"

Barbara nodded, and hit Kane over the head with her hammer. The audience burst into panic, and henchmen with guns shot off everywhere. Alfred pulled Bruce away towards the door, but a henchman got in the way. Alfred went all 007 on him, and Bruce looked at him in panic. Then, his eyes turned to Selina. She was running away.

"Selina!" Bruce yelled, running after her.

"Bruce!" Alfred yelled, still punching the henchman in the face.

(ANOTHER FREAKING OVERHEAD SHOT OF CITY)

Jim had just arrived on the scene, getting out of the car and meeting the policemen outside the hall.

"What's going on in there?" he asked.

The cop said, "Hostage situation. The magician just killed the deputy mayor."

Jim sighed with realization. "It's Jerome Valeska, same man that killed the commissioner. Who's in charge here?"

"I guess you are."

Jim's phone rang, and the caller ID said Leslie Thompkins. He picked it up and said, "Lee, thank god. Are you-"

"Sorry, Jimbo. It's just little old me. HA HA HA AHAAAAA HAAAAA!"

Jim growled at Jerome. "You son a bitch, where's Lee?"

"Relax, we haven't hurt a hair on your girlfriend's pretty head. See for yourself. This is live television after all! HA AHA HAAAA HAA HHHAAAAAA HAA! HOOOOOOO!"

Jim's eyes went to the news van, where the crew were worrying about their lost signal. The signal came back, and Jerome's face was on the screen, along with Lee tied to a wheel.

"Jerome?" Jim asked. "Why do you have a beard?"

"I used too much glue, okay?" Jerome growled, tugging at his fake beard. "Anyway, let's talk about what I want. My dry cleaning from Mr. Chang's, a pony, a helicopter, obviously, and... FOURTY SEVEN DOLLARS!"

Barbara came into the screen, giving the script to Jerome and letting him read it over again. "I mean FOURTY SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS! You have ten minutes before I start killing people. Remember, this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so... don't let people die. Bye! HAAAA HA AHAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAHAA HAAAAAA! I think that went well."

"Stop!" A voice said from off screen. Jerome's camera panned down to reveal a man with elf ears walking up to the stage. "It may be presumptuous to speak on behalf of all of Gotham, but we are sick of you! You're just a sad man with a pathetic need for attention. For god's sakes, man. Enough."

"Hey, dude!" a businessman whispered, cowering on the floor. "The show's over. Get down!"

"This is no show." Theo said. "This is real life."

"But then why are you talking like a bad actor?"

"I assure you, I am not an actor."

"But your acting is so bad."

"I am standing up to these psychopaths!"

"You're literally reading off a teleprompter!"

The man controlling the teleprompter in the back of the room hid below his desk, and Theo sighed in shame. Jerome gave up trying to be theatrical, and just buried his face in his hands, motioning to Barbara. Barbara grabbed her hammer and hit Theo over the head, knocking him unconscious.

Meanwhile, in the cellar of the theater, Selina lead Bruce down a flight of stairs away from the chaos and through a secret hall.

"I used this to sneak into the party." Selina said. "We're lucky those dummies don't know about it."

"Selina, wait!" Bruce said, grabbing her arm. "I have to go back."

Selina slapped her forehead. "Are you crazy? That guy was killing people!"

"Yes, and Alfred's back there."

Selina was about to leave when Bruce held her back, saying, "Selina? I miss you. I just wanted to say that."

"I miss you too." Selina sighed. With that, Bruce and Selina embraced each other with a heated kiss with gunshots and explosions in the background, the wind flowing through each other's hair and their hands caressing each other, and all Selina could think was, man, I miss being taller than this kid.

"Umm, Jack or whatever your name is?" Camren raised her hand.

Jack turned his head in the middle of a sinister grin. "Yes, Cat?"

Camren knew there was no point in correcting him. "We're in a basement in this scene, right?"

"Yes, congratulations! You know how to read."

"Yeah, so why would there be... gunshots, explosions in the background, and wind flowing through our hair?"

Jack sighed tiredly. "Oh yeah, you're right. Your hair is tied up in that scene. Oh well, we can ditch the hair ties. There was going to be a bonus scene where Penguin is doing your hair and Butch is shopping for your dress, but plot is more important."

James leaned in to Robin and whispered, "When is security going to be here?"

"Apparently, this kid brought henchmen!" Robin whispered. "They tied up the guards!"

"So we're trapped here?"

"I think we are."

The two Gotham actors started to silently cry as the crazy clown boy continued reading his revised script and forcing the cast to read along.

Jerome cocked his gun up, aimed it, and hissed, "Hold very still." He lowered his gun mockingly from the apple on his panicking target's head, to the man's nose, then down to his neck, his chest, and lower still.

"Ah, I can't look!" Jerome whimpered, sarcastically. "Someone tell me how it turns out." He covered his eyes and looked away, and everyone watched as he pulled the trigger. A small jet of water shot out of the gun, giving the man the appearance that he peed his pants.

"Damn!" Jerome growled, slamming his water gun on the table. "No, I'm kidding. That's exactly what I wanted to happen. HAAAA HA HA HAAAAA HAAAA HAAAAAAAA!"

The man went to go sit down, and Jerome started rambling on. Behind him, Barbara turned to Lee tied up on the wheel and smirked. "So, Lee. How's Jim? I hope he isn't too sad about this whole 'Essen being killed' thing."

"You are one crazy bitch." Lee snarled.

Barbara grinned, "So rude. Hey, want to hear a song?" she pressed a button on the wheel, making Lee spin on the wheel. Barbara then turned on the radio and started singing, "You spin me right 'round baby, right 'round like a record baby, 'round, 'round, 'round,"

"Yeah, Dead or Alive is my jam!" One audience member cheered, before remembering where he was and shrunk back into his seat.

Jerome shrugged. "Anyway, time for tonight's first official victim. Poor, rich boy, parents murdered in an alley, Bruce Wayne! You'd think something like that would traumatize a boy into buying weird clothes, fast cars, and fancy gadgets or something, HAA!"

Behind a curtain in the back, out of view of Jerome, Bruce had just come up from the basement and was staring scared at Jerome calling his name. Just then, a hand grabbed his shoulder, and his head darted back to look at Jim Gordon, staring assuringly at him.

"Detective Gordon?" Bruce whispered. "How did you get in here?"

FIVE MINUTES AGO...

Selina made her way outside, and her eyes met a furious Jim Gordon's.

"Hey, Jim." Selina grinned.

"Don't act innocent, you tried to murder me last time we met!"

"I don't remember that."

"You literally asked your boss, 'How are you going to kill them?'"

"Well, somebody likes the blame game."

Jim sighed, slapping his forehead. "Why are you even here?"

Selina looked back and sighed. "I know how to get into the party. But first... give me fifty bucks."

"Fifty bucks?"

"A hundred, since you like giving me attitude."

"SELINA!"

"People are dying in there. You got cash, or are you going to write a cheque?"

FOUR MINUTES AND TWENTY SECONDS AFTER THAT...

"It's you they want, Bruce." Jim said. "Just you."

"Why would that make me feel better?" Bruce asked, and Jim growled. He handed Bruce a gun, and he hid it in his pocket.

"I'm right behind you, Bruce." Jim said.

Bruce took a deep breath. "Wait, why didn't you just like shoot up the stage where Jerome was standing from below him in the basement?"

"Because all the cops that are helping me are A BUNCH OF COWARDLY AND SELFISH-"

Jim was yelling loud enough for one of Jerome's henchmen to pull back the curtain, so everyone could see them. Jerome grinned, aiming his gun at Jim and Bruce. "Well, if it isn't my lucky day. I get to off my dad, an annoying cop with anger issues, and a billionaire with amazing hair all in the same day! Barbara, light my birthday candles. It's a special day."

The entire room froze as Jerome cocked his gun, aimed it straight, laughed a sickly, scraping cackle, and Bruce prepared to meet his parents again. No one knew what to do, and not a soul breathed as Jerome pulled the trigger, and a small jet of water spurted out and hit the ground three feet in front of Jerome.

"Well, this is awkward." Jerome whispered, pulling at his collar. "I really should label these things. Hey, Barbara. You got some tape and a sharpie? Just one moment folks, I'm so sorry."

Jim used the delay to run up to the stage and punch Jerome right in the jaw, knocking him onto the floor.

"HAAAA HAAA AHAAAAA HAAAA! Looks like you still got some fight in you! Let's see how long that'll last. HOOOOO!"

Jerome put up his fists. Just at that moment, the wooden stage below him smoked, and just exploded with a burst of wood and smoke. Jerome fell through the floor and landed on his head, unconscious. Jim looked down the hole that Jerome fell into, and noticed a waving Selina Kyle.

"See, this is what a smart cop would've done." she smirked. "I spent your fifty bucks on a mini-bomb."

"Where did you get a mini-bomb for fifty bucks?"

"We live in Gotham, dude. You can find an assassin in the phonebook under A."

Behind Jim, Theo Galavan was standing up, holding a knife in his hand and ready to strike when all eyes landed on him. He quickly hid the knife behind his back and said, "Well, look at that! That little girl saved the day. Bravo!"

Theo Galavan was then promptly sent to jail for attempted murder, and then was sent to Arkham Asylum. He kept spouting some random crazy talk about wreaking revenge on the city and punishing the citizens. Barbara had escaped through a secret trapdoor in the floor, but was stopped by Selina, who was still in the basement. Barbara was also sent to Arkham. Jerome, who had survived the fall, was too dangerous to send back to Arkham. Instead, they attached him to the giant wheel and spun him around, while the entire cast started singing, "You spin me right 'round baby, right 'round baby, 'round like a record baby, 'round and 'round," there was a really cute BatCat kiss at the end, too. Alfred went to Chez Parnes with Lee, but his date was ruined by Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle.

In related news, because of her extraordinary act of bravery in defeating Jerome, Selina Kyle was elected new mayor of Gotham. She made Bruce Wayne her deputy mayor and did a bunch of really irresponsible things to the city that were also hilarious. In Arkham, Barbara and Theo started dating, and the entire Arkham staff started calling them Barbavan. Finally, Detective Bullock used his retirement money to pay for all the windows he broke in the beginning, and decided to become a monk in the countryside with Falcone. The End.

Also, that magician that Jerome tied up and traded clothes with? Yeah, he was never found. About two weeks later, someone from inventory finally opened the chest, and the magician came out with a new sense of life and purpose, going to Africa to help the needy.

(GOTHAM)

"So... what did you guys think?" Jack asked, waiting for applause that would never come.

No one said anything. Everyone was still in shock of how ridiculously bad the script was.

Finally, Donal raised his hand.

"Yes, Bullock?" Jack asked.

"Why am I a monk at the end?"

Jack growled, "Nostalgia! Symbolism! The meaning of life!"

Then, Cameron raised his hand.

"What is it, Jerome?"

"My character. He doesn't die at the end."

"I know." Jack said. "Everyone loves Jerome! Can you imagine if you died? There'd the public outcry!"

"But my contract expired after this episode. I'm not licensed to do any more episodes."

"Good thing I renewed your contract for the next thirty years! Now, who's ready to shoot this episode?"

Then, a group of security members kicked down the door with their shotguns loaded. One pointed at Jack and said, "We finally have you!"

Jack grinned. "Sorry, folks. I've got to run. Have fun shooting this episode, I can't wait to see my vision become reality on screen! Also, I've replaced some of your stunt guns with real guns, so shooting your stunts is going to be a hoot! Until next time..." Jack laughed, and he jumped out the window, disappearing from sight. The security team chased him down the hall and onto the street, but they never caught him.

The cast of Gotham sat at their table, all trying to process what just happened. Erin finally said, "Where are Bruno and Danny?"