Just a little story I've wanted to write since watching McKay and Mrs. Miller but my muse refused to co-operate. I was annoyed that Elizabeth wasn't included in any of the team scenes and wanted to try my hand at fixing that. Reviews are still my favourite drug - at least when there's no coffee available:) This is unbetaed so all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.
Spoilers: McKay and Mrs. Miller
Elizabeth likes Rodney's sister immediately.
In a way, Jeanie reminds her of herself when she first heard about Atlantis, about the expedition to another galaxy: the unlimited enthusiasm, the wonder she sees in the younger woman's eyes every time she encounters something new. Elizabeth can only question if she still carries that same spark within her, if her eyes still light up when Atlantis offers yet another unforeseen surprise, or whether she has been so much hardened by all the loss and destruction that she no longer can find joy in being able to live her everyday life in this city.
She watches Jeanie and Rodney (or Meredith as everyone now knows his real first name is) talk, argue, bicker and is reminded of her own older brother so strongly it brings tears to her eyes. She hasn't seen Carl in such a long time: he lives in Europe, has a wife and three children and no security clearance so when she calls him during her brief stints on Earth she can't actually tell him much anything about her life. She knows he understands why she has to keep things confidential but still she sometimes detects a slight annoyance in his voice when all she can talk about is his life or hers before the expedition. She wishes she would be able to bring Carl with her to the city, to share it with someone who has always been so close to her but she knows that unless the Atlantis expedition is revealed to the general public, she never will be able to. And watching Rodney with his sister brings up memories in her, memories of her brother that are good but still hurt. Although she's sure Rodney and Jeanie bicker more than is normal and she and her brother were never quite that bad.
Elizabeth is often very lonely although most of the time she manages to hide the feeling under the mountains of paperwork she has to go through. More often than not she lays awake at night and wonders if everyone else is as lonely as she is or if they have managed to create friendships and are spending time somewhere with each other off-duty. She realizes she almost never does that, even though she has friends here: she is very close to John, which still manages to surprise her after all the problems they had at the beginning; she has started to become good friends with Teyla mostly during the sparring lessons she has attended – sometimes afterwards they talk about things, sitting on the windowsill of the training room until Elizabeth is called to the control room or someone else comes in to spar with Teyla. They're both leaders and she doesn't know why they haven't talked that much before. She knows Ronon would protect her with his life even though she has never really had a conversation with the Satedan. And she has come to love both Carson and Rodney like brothers, even when Carson is constantly nagging at her about working too much and eating and sleeping too little and Rodney is able to piss off even the calmest of persons. Despite all that, she carries the burden of leadership on her shoulders alone – while John helps her enormously with the military side and sometimes other things too, she's the one IOA is keeping the closest eye on. She has already been forgiven quite a lot; she fears it's one more strike and she'll be out of the game.
The only time she really allows herself to even think about her loneliness is when John's team or any other team is missing, out of reach or presumed dead and she is kicking herself for not spending more time with them. She is the leader of course and is most of the time very busy but every time the team miraculously returns she promises herself to take time to talk to all of them more, to get to know them better, to spend more time with them. And her promise never holds.
She knows the members of John's team have grown very close but it still surprises her to see them all sitting together in the mess hall, along with Jeanie, often bursting into uncontrollable laughter, all except Rodney who looks like he wants the ground to open and swallow him on the spot. Elizabeth watches for a while, reluctant to interfere, feeling like she doesn't belong. It's Jeanie who notices her first, smiling and calling out "Doctor Weir". And then everyone else looks at her too.
Teyla gives her a friendly smile while Ronon's expression is, as always, impossible to read. Rodney looks plain relieved and something akin to surprise crosses John's face before he smiles too and warmth spreads through her. "'Lizabeth. Come join us. Jeanie's telling embarrassing stories about Meredith here when they were growing up."
She twists her hands, wipes them on her trousers and wonders why they have suddenly gotten all sweaty. "I was just…going to get some coffee and then I was going to go back…" Her voice dies and she has to look away from John's intense eyes.
"Elizabeth", he says softly, "come sit down." He's up from his chair, offering it to her so she can't really say no anymore and slowly she walks over to sit next to Jeanie while John grabs himself another chair and pulls it up on her other side. Then he gets her a cup of coffee and Jeanie remembers yet something else which makes everyone laugh and forces a smile even out of Rodney. Elizabeth sips her coffee slowly and feels herself gradually relax, here with her people, with her friends. And she again wonders why she hasn't done this before.
One by one people wander off, Jeanie to bed, Rodney to his lab for another night of working, Ronon and Teyla for a late sparring session. When only she and John are left, in fact the last two people in the mess hall she suddenly gets all fidgety again.
"I should go. There is some paperwork…"
"Elizabeth." He takes her hand and she has to look at him. "You're not alone."
The shock she feels must be displayed all over her face because he looks down, his thumb moving slowly over her fingers. "You haven't joined us before. Even tonight you didn't want to."
"I didn't want to interrupt", she quietly says, staring at their joint hands and realizing she is probably confirming all of John's suspicions. She feels him tense.
"Interrupt? Elizabeth, you are always welcome to join us."
"Thank you", she whispers, and it's like some sort of a load drops from her shoulders.
"You're not alone", he repeats, firmer this time. "Okay?"
She nods.
He pulls her up and takes her empty coffee mug to the kitchen, then walking her out of the mess hall, which darkens after them immediately. She notices they're walking towards the living quarters instead of her office but doesn't say anything: tiredness is pressing heavily on her eyelids now. John stops at the door to her quarters and she realizes her hand is still in his.
He smiles and presses a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Good night, 'Lizabeth."
She blinks at the touch but he turns and starts towards his own quarters before she can get her thoughts organized. "Good night, John", she calls softly after him and he half turns, giving her a smile before disappearing around the corner.
There is a small part of her that wants to run after him, to feel his touch again but somehow she knows there will be plenty of time for that. She enters her quarters and falls asleep without changing, without millions of thoughts swirling through her head like usual, sleeping undisturbed until morning.
The next evening she joins them again in the mess hall and they accept her without question. And she smiles, wrapping her hands around her mug and feeling like she has finally, at least partly, kept her promise.