My name is Michael Weston. I used to be a spy…

I hate shopping malls. They're a tactical nightmare. There's no place to hide, there are too many entry and exit points to cover them all, and there's just too many people. Malls are not safe. But unfortunately, when you're an ex-spy, you have to go shopping to please the few people who will still talk to you. Just sending money doesn't work anymore when you're constantly pulling in favors. Anyway, I was forced to go to a mall last week and here's what happened. Because, of course, it was no ordinary trip to a mall. But I bet you could have guessed that.

-"It's 100 degrees in Miami, and, not only do I have to spend the day with 1500 of my closest, sweatiest friends, but I also am wearing a new suit."

-"Mikey, you have heard of Amazon right?" said Sam.

-"Yeah, well, shipping is expensive. I don't have an address, and mom's birthday is tomorrow. By the way, thanks for the advanced notice that you were throwing her a surprise party."

-"Yeah well…look to the future."

As they walk into the mall…

-"So, what do you think I should get her?"

-"I don't know Mike, I'm throwing her a party to get out of that whole gift thing."

-"Well, lets go… umm… this way I guess"

-"Hello, are you Michael Weston?"

-"Who's asking?"

-"My name is Stephan. I was instructed to give you this" (handing him an envelope)

Michael holds up his hands refusing to take the envelope.

-"If you know who I am, then you know that I don't take envelopes from strangers. It's a force of habit; I blame my mother.

-"Before you walk away, just know that this envelope contains…a present. From an old friend."

-"Thanks anyway"

-"From Carl Johnson"

Michael stops in his tracks and seems a bit stunned

-"Carl, we had a deal. You're not supposed to be alive, remember?"

-"Mike, I'm in trouble, and if it makes a difference, you and this entire mall are in trouble."
-"Carl, I don't have time for this. What are you playing at?"

-"I didn't mean for it to go so far Mike. I was working with some…well you know, but anyway they decided they didn't want to work with me anymore. But they followed me to make sure I didn't work with anyone else either."

-"Mikey, who is this guy?" said Sam

-"In a minute Sam. Carl, please tell me something different than what I think you're telling me."

-"You remember our time back in Russia Mike?"
-"Ugh"

-"Yeah, well that times a hundred."
-"How much time?"

-"It's going down tomorrow but that's all I know"

-"Thanks again for the heads up!"

-"What?"

-"Never mind, just go…somewhere else and I'll be in touch. And gimme that envelope."

-"Good to see you Mike, and well thanks."

-"Mike who was that, and why am I getting that feeling like it's been three days since I've had a tequila?"

-"Sam, I've got some good news and some bad news. Good news is I'm gonna have plenty of time to pick up a present for my mom, bad news is this mall is going to be…well robbed by Soviet extremist militants who really don't like me much."

-"Mike please tell me something other than that…anything else!"

-"They are going to blow it up when they're done"

-"And I thought this was going to be just another lazy afternoon!"

-"Yeah, well on the plus side…well we'd better get to work."