GAAAH I HATE THIS ONE SO BAD. You'll hate me, too. Heehee. But yeah.
Disclaimer: Why don't people get that this is a fanfiction site? XD
Lavi wasn't prepared for this.
When Kanda had barged into his room, his eyes sharp but not cold, and told Lavi that he wanted to 'do it,' he hadn't expected the black-haired man to grab him by the hair and pull him down into a ferocious kiss. He was honestly expecting Kanda to rip out his sword and slice him to pieces, like he had threatened to do so for their four years of friendship.
However, Lavi wasn't prepared for this.
He pulled away, his hands forcing Kanda's head back. The man growled but waited for what the redhead had to say.
"Damn, Yuu. What's going on?" he asked, bewildered.
"Che..." The usual response, though Kanda's eyes dropped and he seemed to argue with himself. "I don't have much time, alright?" he snapped, glaring up at Lavi. The Bookman blinked before he understood.
"How many... are left...?"
"Two."
"Shit..." Lavi bit his lip, his hands adjusting on Kanda's head so that he wasn't squeezing his brain out.
"So... I want to do it. Before it happens... and for some reason I would prefer it to be you."
This was certainly a change of pace for Kanda, and Lavi was surprised. Had the other man felt this way for a while? Or had he realized just now, before barging into the room Lavi shared with his teacher? Either way, Lavi couldn't deny Kanda his last wish, so he sighed and nodded.
"Then... let's not hang out in here. The panda may come back soon." He searched Kanda's eyes for... something... and saw several emotions lingering in the unshed tears that Lavi hadn't realized existed in the other's being. Pain, desire, and fear. Definitely fear. Lavi suddenly became scared and without thinking, he wrapped his arms around Kanda and held him close, his throat filling up with sadness as he tried not to cry. His hands went up to hold Kanda's head against his shoulder while his own head bent over Kanda's, his will fading as he sobbed into the warm skin that connected the man's neck to his body.
"You can't leave me..." he moaned desperately, and to his shock, Kanda's arms went up around his back and held fast. It was then that he realized that Kanda's body was shaking and he could feel something warm and wet soaking his shirt. He was crying, too.
He didn't expect Kanda to say anything, and he didn't. They each led the way to Kanda's room, not even bothering to wipe away their tears or their uncharacteristically saddened expressions.
When they entered the dismally empty room, Lavi reached out and grabbed Kanda's hand and gripped it firmly as his eyes watched the staggering two petals on Kanda's lifeline. The hourglass was dim, its usual magical light fading with its owner's final hours. Kanda pulled them into the room after locking the door. As Kanda moved around the room, setting his sword down and pulling the tie from his hair, Lavi couldn't help but watch the man's fluid movements. He felt his tears return but they fell down a hot face as he flushed at Kanda's ethereal beauty in the moonlight spilling through the single window.
Suddenly unable to stand being separated from Kanda, Lavi rushed forward and muffled his crying in Kanda's lips, holding the man closer to his body. As he continued smothering his friend in both passionate and light kisses, Kanda finally spoke, his voice husky and pained as one of the petals of his lifeline shivered fell, blackening and joining its comrades at the base of the hourglass.
"Make my first and last time worth remembering, Lavi..."
He didn't need to be told twice.
The next morning, Lavi awoke to find himself alone in the bed and he panicked, jolting up and glancing around the room. His pulse slowed when he saw Kanda sitting in a plain wooden chair beside the bed, his hair down and tangled over his shoulders, bags under his half-lidded eyes. It was then that Lavi noticed the lifelessness in Kanda's face and he froze.
"K-kanda... Yuu-chan...?"
No response.
"Yuu-chan, talk to me, please..." Lavi knelt on the bed, reaching out to touch Kanda's cheek. It was cold. Lavi's vision blurred as tears welled up behind his eye and he stared disbelievingly at Kanda. "No... no way..." His gaze traveled to the hourglass on the bedside table and saw that there was nothing left but black petals and the dim bronze frame of the glass. It was over.
He stood up briskly and bent over next to Kanda, brushing his hair from his face and trying to get him to move, not wanting to believe that he was gone. "Yuu, dammit Yuu, you can't do this! What'll the beansprout say, huh!? Lena'll be pissed, I know it! Shit Yuu, don't leave me!" Sobs racked his frame for what seemed like hours, holding Kanda's limp body against his own, the closest they had been besides last night.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Lavi, whose cries had died into shaky breaths, looked up as the door was opened. "Hey, Kanda, don't ignore me you bastard!" Allen appeared in the doorway, his face annoyed but shocked as he noticed Lavi in a room that wasn't his. "Wha..." His gaze traveled from Lavi to the body in his arms and his shoulders dropped, his eyes wide. "What...?"
Lavi's hand, the one that was wrapped around Kanda's waist reached up to wipe away the crusted tears that had formed on his face and he smiled weakly at Allen. "He's gone..."
Allen froze, still staring at Kanda's body. "What...?" he repeated, his shock evident in his sudden lack of vocabulary.
Lavi suddenly grew angry. "Shit, Allen, he's gone! He didn't even tell us he was this close! That damn bastard!" Fresh tears leaked from his eye and he clutched Kanda closer to himself, sobbing into the clothed form.
Allen's body found movement again and he gulped before turning and running out of the room.
---
It took several men to pull Lavi off of Kanda, the redhead desperate to cling to what he had left of the man he had loved.
Allen had revealed to be upset, but not having known any other side of Kanda, wasn't as broken up about it as the other exorcists.
Lenalee was crying on Allen's shoulder, clutching his coat in her hands as she shook her head, not wanting to believe that Kanda was gone.
Komui was silently crying, Bak gently holding onto his hand as the rest of the science departments from the European and Asia branches crowed together behind their superiors. The blond man was glaring at the black and silver casket and was obviously angry with Kanda and whatever forces that had caused the man's death. Lavi wouldn't blame him. It had been the Chan family that had created Kanda and the Third exorcists in the first place, and it was the Chan family that had subequently killed Kanda.
Lavi stared at Bak for a while, still unbelieving but wanting to be as angry with the man as he could for killing Kanda. Then he snapped and ran forward, knocking Bak's hand out of Komui's and grabbing his jacket collar.
He glared down at the older man, who returned the gesture. "I know it's my fault, Lavi, but I couldn't do anything to stop it!"
"Lavi!" A chorus of the younger Bookman's name rang out in the hall and he dropped Bak, Komui immediately stepping between them.
Lavi turned away from the two men and dropped next to Kanda's casket, already closed and the rose cross glinting up at the sky. He placed a hand on the silver decoration and rubbed it gently, his anger having taken away his energy.
"Shit... he mused to himself, his vision blurring once more as he began to cry again. "I can't do this without you, Yuu..."
"Lavi," Lenalee said, suddenly behind him, her hands gently resting on his shoulders, "They need him now. Let's... let's go..." Her voice cracked several times in her few words, obviously trying not to cry, but her firm grip was enough to move Lavi's limp form away from the casket and into the circle of spectators. A group of Finders stepped forward, their eyes downcast, and lifted Kanda's body away to where Lavi knew no trace of the man's being would be left to rejoin the earth.
He retreated to his room that night, Mugen in hand, and laid in his bunk, kicking books and papers off of the mattress as he made himself comfortable.
He stared at the tassels dangling from the sword and he sighed, holding it against his body.
"I never got to tell you... that I love you..."
Lavi fell asleep quickly, his mind and body concentrating on the last bits of Kanda he had left, and he slept deeply, not even the tired musings of Bookman invading his thoughts.
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