What was he doing? Captain Hammer was his arch nemesis and they may have agreed to a ceasefire while they both drank themselves silly in the same bar but in what way did that come to Doctor Horrible accepting a ride home? It didn't make sense; Billy had Penny to obsess over and he was pretty sure that Captain Hammer had his pick of half the women in New York City, so how had this happened? In the back of a taxi, Billy rubbed his temples and peered out at the blizzard drunkenly. It wasn't even a proper ride home, it was a shared taxi, and he was fairly certain he was going to wind up paying for both halves of the journey since it had been learnt (in a manner he hoped Captain Hammer would forget when the hangover hit him) they lived at other ends of the city. That was the human race though, wasn't it? Not that he meant to be bitter and cynical the night before Christmas Day, but he was wonderfully drunk and – well, that was it exactly, he was wonderfully drunk! That explained everything! None of this mattered, and it was Christmas Eve, and he was sitting in Captain Hammer's lap no matter where he let his eyes settle. And yes, they'd settled on the lap quite a few times, strictly, he told himself, out of scientific interest. Every tabloid in the city was going to have the Christmas headline in the century come morning.

"Captain-"

"Doctor!" Captain Hammer swung his black gloved hands out dramatically, wrapping his arms around an admittedly startled Doctor Horrible. "You're not as bad as I first thought!"

"That… might be because when we first met, you threw me halfway across an alleyway by my labcoat lapels." Billy raised an eyebrow, and Captain Hammer gave his booming laugh again. "You did!"

"Of course I did, Doctor. I said 'are you horrible?' and you said 'very'." He raised a mirror eyebrow, and Billy blushed. "What else would I do? I'm a hero, you know." Captain Hammer puffed out his chest proudly, then uncharacteristically politely stayed quiet as Doctor Horrible muttered a long list of suggestions for what else Captain Hammer could have done, and midway through the list the taxi pulled into Doctor Horrible's parking spot. Billy hurriedly shuffled into his own seat just as the car pulled to a stop and Captain Hammer pouted drunkenly.

"…What?" Billy hiccupped.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Well, ah, wasn't the – the idea that you go to your apartment and I go to mine? I mean, you told the cab driver."

"That's just rude, Doctor. And rudeness is practically evil…"

It took a great effort of will for Billy not to hit himself in the forehead. "Oh, fine. Would you like a cup of coffee?" The words were spoken through gritted teeth, a slightly drunken slur accompanying the smile that his face broke into without his control when Captain Hammer nodded, and pushed past to go to the front door first. Of course, that grin was quickly stifled, as Doctor Horrible was left to pay the taxi fare. A few minutes later, having emptied both his lab coat, and his trousers of any and all small change (plus a small spot in the miniature ray gun hidden in his belt) he was at the door, unlocking it to let them both in and falling through the door with such sudden inebriation that the two of them landed in a haphazard inappropriate mess of arms and legs on the welcome mat.

"Funny idea you have of coffee, Doctor."

"Shut up, Captain Hammer." Billy climbed over Captain Hammer to push the door shut, before pulling back, distracting again by the lap he had been sitting in not five minutes ago. "Ah… Captain…"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Funny idea of coffee you have too." He nodded at the other man's groin, well aware that they were lying with their bodies pressed against each other, and not particularly inclined to change positions.

"Have I ever mentioned that the hammer is my penis?" Captain Hammer rolled his fists briefly. "Not the fists."

Billy frowned. "No, I don't think-!" He yelped once, then pressed his mouth against Captain Hammer's without argument, letting his arms slip to his arch nemesis' neck with a squirm of pleasure and a deep moan. The kisses became more passionate as Captain Hammer, with surprising balance for a drunkard, lifted them both up and pressed Doctor Horrible to his front door, knocking blueprints for a freeze ray and a teleporter left on a table by the door flying to the floor, and pressed one gloved hand to Billy's cupped arse. Taking a breath while he could, Doctor Horrible tried to speak again. "Captain-"

"Shush, Doctor." Growled Captain Hammer, pressing his body closer to the man's labcoat, his muscles clear through the tight black t-shirt that he always seemed to be wearing. There was a sharp retort on Billy's lips, an immediate witty comment that he wanted to make, but he found himself silenced, and his hands slipping down to Captain Hammer's trousers, his white gloves discarded as he worked at the zippers. "That's better, Doctor!" Captain Hammer laughed, biting kisses down Doctor Horrible's neck then arching himself so Billy's hands had to brush his groin, deciding that this was all about him, like everything else.

Doctor Horrible didn't care. He was drunk, and he was going to enjoy it.