A/N: I mentioned some time ago my desire to write my Mizard characters into a Wonderland setting. What better time to start than Lewis Carroll's birthday? I plan on running this story between now (1/27/12) and April Fool's Day (4/1/12). I own Pixie. I hope you enjoy it! And remember folks, it's all in good fun. :)
Mizard in Wonderland
Chapter 1: Miz Sees The Light
Despite the roar of the crowd and the matches playing on Raw live, Miz was bored. He had already had his segment and he didn't have a match tonight, so he was stuck in the locker room, waiting for the show to be over. "Stupid management," he muttered, glaring at the door. "Making me come in and sit in the stupid locker room with nothing to do."
The ever-cheerful John Morrison smiled at his friend. "Cheer up. At least we can have a poker game after. I invited Hornswoggle this time."
Miz groaned in frustration. "Why?" he asked. "You know how much I hate playing cards with him! He always distracts me and I lose!"
"Why do you think I keep inviting him?" Morrison asked with a grin. Miz turned his glare to his friend, but it didn't help. Morrison remained as cheerful as ever. "Hey, did I tell you about that girl who stopped me in the parking lot last week?"
"Only like sixty times," Miz said.
"Yeah, okay. So anyway, I was in the parking lot…"
Miz flopped back onto the bench and put his arm over his eyes, tuning Morrison out. He wanted to think about something other than some weird girl who asked Morrison for his autograph. The droning sound of his friend's voice and the lack of sleep the previous evening took its toll and before Miz knew it, his eyes slid closed and he was fast asleep.
^%^
"Miz!" The voice was accompanied by a sharp, biting pain in his arm, like ant stings.
"Ow!" Miz yelped, leaping up and staring at the bench. A small tabby cat sat there, calmly looking up at him. "What the hell?"
"You were sleeping, and it's time to get up. Raw's over, and we need to go back to the hotel."
Miz frowned at the cat. "Pixie? Is that you?"
"Duh. Do you know any other talking cats?"
"I… no." Miz shook his head, hoping it would clear up and the cat would be gone. No such luck.
"What are you waiting for?" Pixie demanded. "Let's go already!" Miz sighed and scooped up the kitten. He set her in his gym bag, and Pixie poked her head out, staring contentedly at the world. "That's better," she said.
"I must be going crazy again," Miz muttered.
"No more than usual," said the cat. "Can we get tuna on the way back to the hotel?"
"Why not?" Miz said. He pushed open the locker room door and was nearly bowled over by Sheamus. "Hey, watch where you're going!"
Sheamus turned his head, still hurrying away. "Terribly sorry, fella, but I'm late."
"Late for what, I wonder?" Pixie said.
"Everyone's always in a hurry to get out of the arena when a show's over," Miz said.
"I say we follow him."
"What? No, Pixie. We are not…" That was as far as Miz got before Pixie disentangled herself from his bag and leapt down.
"Come on, Miz!" she called, running at full speed after Sheamus.
"Pixie!" he yelled, bolting after his feline companion. "Stop!"
Sheamus turned a corner and Pixie followed. With a sigh, Miz followed the two of them. When the Celtic Warrior reached the end of the new hall, he paused and turned back to stare at Miz. His face had changed, almost as though it had melted. Indeed, to Miz he looked more like a rodent than a man. "I'm late!" he squealed before throwing open the door and darting inside. Pixie didn't hesitate; the tabby cat threw herself into the darkened room after him.
"Oh hell," Miz muttered, reaching in to find a light switch. There wasn't any. "Maybe it's further in." And with that, he took a step into the darkness and began to fall.
^%^
It wasn't so much of a rabbit hole, Miz would think later, as a straight down cave that had improbably found itself attached to an arena in some major city. Not that he could remember what city it was as he fell in slow motion. He did, however, manage to catch the cat who'd started all the trouble. He tucked a protesting Pixie safely back into his bag. "I wouldn't want you to get hurt on this fall."
"Don't you know that cats always land on their feet?" Pixie asked, poking her head out of the bag again. "I'll be fine."
"Still," Miz said, "I'm not taking any chances. What if you're wrong about cats landing on their feet? What if I butter toast and tie it to your back? Then you would land butter side down and where would we be?"
"First," said the cat, annoyed, "that hasn't been proven. That we cats always land on our feet has. And second, do not tie anything to my back, especially buttered toast. It sounds extremely unpleasant and I do not think I would like it much."
"Cats are always so particular," Miz grumbled.
Pixie let out a little sniff. "Only when you don't listen to us." She reached a paw from the bag and used it to point down. "Look, I think I see Sheamus."
"Did he look weird to you?" Miz asked.
"Of course," said Pixie. "He's a human. You all look weird to me. No real fur to speak of, and you're long and gangly. It's unsightly."
"I meant, did he look like he was changing into something else? A rabbit, maybe?'
"Oh, that," said the cat dismissively. "You can't expect everything to be the way you want it all the time, can you?"
"What do you mean?" Miz asked with a frown.
"I mean, some cats are black and some are not. Some people are vipers and some are rabbits."
"What does Randy have to do with this?"
"Who mentioned Randy?"
"You said vipers…"
"Sometimes, Miz, you're too figurative. I was being literal." Miz tried to puzzle that out, but before he could, his feet touched down gently on the earthy floor. "Oh, good," said Pixie. "I was tired of falling, anyway. Can we see what Sheamus is up to now, please?"
With a bemused look, Miz followed the Celtic Warrior down the corridor.