How far would you go in order to keep me here? I wonder… At this very moment, death does not scare me too much, and I feel that I am strangely welcoming it. I have been told and reminded over and over again that I would not last much longer. If it is true, I do not want pity. I just want to be alone.
I want to be alone because I know that this is a pain that you would never be able to empathize. You will never know why I hurt the way I hurt because when you die, you will have people who will gather roses for you. When I die, you will all be rejoicing for the dictator in your life is finally overthrown by the Invisible Force. Oh, I know that you will all be so overwhelmed with joy… It hurts me just a little bit when I think about it. When I think about how I will not have even one person to mourn me… I find it to be kind of sad.
I lay here now, on the sick bed in this isolated room. Outside the closed window is a world that I will never know again. I miss that world every now and then when I catch glimpse of the black and white butterflies as they promenade. When I die… I hope I could become like them… Free. I will become an immortal black butterfly.