Udina gets some Advise

Why is it that quite a lot of People in high Positions are monumentally stupid?

Oh, where are my Manners; let me introduce myself: I'm Flynn, 35 year old Human Male. I repair and install minor Stuff on the Citadel, minor technical Stuff, this and that Computer terminal. Keepers wont exactly build your Office after specs, that's where I come in. I move Furniture, I install a Lamp, I do what comes up. You could say i'm some kind of Janitor.

I never wished for anything more. I'm content with where I am. I just don't see the Point in "striving for great Goals" and "chasing Dreams". Before one does that, one should learn to appreciate what he already has. I'm alive, i'm healthy and I don't live in a Warzone. I can eat and drink pretty much whenever I want and chances that i'll awake some day in a Hospital because someone decided to put a few rounds through me are fairly low. I had some Bullets in me once and decided that I didn't care much for that.

Now some People decide that it would be nice to take the really demanding Jobs. Fine by me, but if you are going to decide anything that will have Impact on People's lives, you better have a halfway functional Brain so you can at least try to grasp the implications of your Decisions.

On another nice Day at the Presidium, which is another thing one should not take for granted, even it pretty much is, i was finishing up repairing one of those Benches. I packed my Stuff when I was done and was on my Way to the next Job, some door near the Embassies wouldn't open for some Reason.

I couldn't help but overhear some talking. Normally, I make an Effort to not listen to other Peoples Conversations. If they'd start to talk about confidential Stuff while i'm working somewhere close by i make sure that they know that i'm there and they may want to talk about that elsewhere.

This time however was a bit different. I heard the Voice of Saren, top Spectre for the Council, something like the super secret über Agent who did Stuff that wouldn't come up in any Report. He'd show up in Interviews and told that he really can't talk about the Details but he somehow prevent this and that bad thing from happening. After he said meaningless words like that there would be a followup with blatant speculation regarding the events that may have happened, usually painting Saren as a Hero.

"The Attack on Eden Prime was a Success!" I heard. Not like "i could make that out", I clearly heard that. The Embassy had no Glass in the "Windows" because with the Crime rates on the Presidium so low no one thought they would have to protect their Stuff. "Wait, there's more!" some Quarian said.

I read about the Attack on Eden Prime this Morning and had noticed the rather lacking report on the News. Very little was said with a lot of meaningless words and big, shocking Pictures, just like News Stations pretty much have to do when a news embargo is issued. Pretty much like every time when some Celebrity is the Victim of some Crime and C-Sec deems it necessary to limit the News that actually get out to prevent the Criminal from knowing if C-sec is practically standing on their Doorstep or not.

News Embargos are normal Procedures. However, they are rather useless if just about anyone can walk around and casually overhear confidential conversations through the "Non-Windows".

This had me flabbergasted. I Scanned the Area with my Omnitool and didn't find any active listening Devices. Good thing C-sec does daily sensorsweeps. But you could just wait until the C-Sec grunts finished prancing about and then set up a Bug somewhere. Then you'll just have to wait a bit until someone played a recording of the Voice of the Top Spectre taking the Blame for biggest Attack on a Human Colony.

That would be a Headline.

I decided I should be recording this Stuff and sure enough, the Conversation no one should be able to listen in continued and the Quarian just played another file. "And we're one Step closer to the Return of the Reapers!" That was Matriach Benezia, a pretty well known Philosopher.

"I don't recognize that other Voice." Ambassador Udina said.

Ok, so he's not only stupid but also has his Head stuck up his posterior he could probably see his Teeth.

I didn't really blame the other People in there, the Quarian probably thought they would have some electromagnetic dampening Field around the Office, which would take about an hour to set up. Of course, a certain embassy was too stupid to bother with that. No would have seen that one coming, an actual Embassy with no Protection whatsoever against any kind of recording devices.

It is however one of the Duties of anyone who works in that office to make sure that the Protection is still working.

I decided I'd walk up there and gave those People a friendly warning that they may want to be a bit more careful, lest they'd see all the stuff they talk about appearing on the net.

I knocked on the Door because somebody apparently had more then two working Braincells and built a locking mechanism into the Door.

Well ok, it was me.

What surprised me that someone on the inside actually had enough Brains left to actually use the thing instead of having the Door fly open whenever someone strolled by.

I knocked a bit louder. "You'll have to make an Appointment!"

I heard the Conversation go on about Reapers and someone saw them in a Vision or something.

"Reapers" are a rather obscure Prothean Legend. It's said that they where somehow responsible for the disappearance of the Protheans. But that's about as much you can get on them without getting into the realm of myths, some of which has the Reapers basically give Birth to Galaxies. Some Months before that, I don't know, how long would you be pregnant with a Galaxy and how would you know what a "Month" is anyway, some major screwing must have taken Place.

I knocked again, louder this time and exclaimed "i'm here in the interest of Security of Council Space!" which wasn't even a Lie. Sure, I just wanted to stop them from being so ridiculously careless, but still

"Come again later!" Udina said.

I knocked at the door, this time knocking the Door down and let myself in.

Some sorry excuses for Alliance Marines, a Krogan Mercenary who looked slightly older then the Citadel, a Turain C-Sec Detective and some random Quarian all had their Guns trained at me. I didn't like that.

"You know, if I where to cause real trouble, i'd just have someone else throw a Grenade through that "window behind you. But I guess I should just show you what lead me to pay the embassy a visit."

I told them, held up my left hand, removed my Omnitool and slid it to the Quarian. At least she may be able to deduce that I wanted her to play the last recording I made.

Sure, that rather stupid of me but at least I bothered to scan the area before I walked up here.

"How did you get this? Are you aware of how much Trouble you are in right now?" Udina yelled.

"It was rather easy," I said calmly, walking slowly towards a Chair and sitting down, "i was walking by. And that's pretty much it. I was walking by and pretty much couldn't help but hear confidential Information that wasn't meant for anyone's Ears, present Company excluded. I decided to record some of it to show you People that your Security Measures are more then Lackluster, to put it very, very mildly."

"And that gives you the right to knock down my door and cause this little Incident here?" Udina knew that he would have to think to prepare something in Defense of the Embassy.

"Look Ambassador, I'm not here because I want something from you; well, that's not true, I do want you to be much more cautious about sensitive stuff. I could someone hear talking about Reapers in Visions just before I let myself in."

That seemed to take the Edge off a bit, "i'm not here because I want to use this little recording here to get anything from you," I continued with a half whisper, because I wasn't about to tell anyone who wasn't supposed to hear this the the Ambassador is being blackmailed, or rather, not. "I fully expect to be shot so you could make sure that I won't be able to do anything with this Data and i'd be ok with that so long as you tighten up your Security. You could have been heard by anyone who walked by and you guys talked about the councils top Agent being responsible for the biggest attack on a human Colony yet and he had matriarch Benezia in tow somehow, and he apparently is the Prophet for the Return of the "Reapers" to the geth who are religious now for some Reason," I exclaimed.

Udina stared at me. The Soldiers still had there Rifles at me, but they lost some Tension.

The Ambassador found some of his Words back. "Are we expected to believe you? You just come in here and tell us all this; what do you think will happen now?"

I have no Idea how Udina got this Job. As Ambassador, you'd think any Governing Body would choose someone who can actually talk. I sighed and pretty much effortlessly continued my little Speech. This was too easy.

" I can not expect you to believe me anything. I explained why I'm here and if you choose not to believe me, it's your Choice and a prudent one at that. I do present some Facts that can not be denied, need no explaining and should serve as a Guarantee that some confidential Information will end up on the Extranet if you wont do something about it!" I saw the Alliance People lower their Rifles, the Turian and the Krogan did the same. They pretty much had to know by now that I wasn't going to cause any trouble. The Quarian had her Shotgun on me, but was distracted with her Omnitool; was she recording this? This could be Fun!

Udina was calming himself down a bit, knowing that Anger would get him nowhere.

"And you think that gives you the right to barge in here during a meeting and present demands?"

Oh come on!

"Yes." I nodded.

"Well, it doesn't. You do not have any right to storm in here and present demands because you are not satisfied with the Way we do things here."

I underestimated him, this Guy could actually talk. He made a worthwhile Point that he could actually build upon, and he did that from this hopeless Case.

However, he still could be beat be some random Janitor.

"As I have previously stated, I do not care much about Life or Career-plan or whatever you think you'd be able to attack. Even if I did, you'd have to bring some made up bogus Evidence against me to accuse me of bloody murder or something. I doubt you took precautions to prevent anyone from walking by under your window? If you did, I'd be finished here anyways.

I do care about the Security around here," I continued with lowered Volume, "having open talk about the top agent of the greatest Intelligence Body in Citadelspace being responsible for the biggest attack on a human Colony will cause Panic. The Council would be hard pressed to find answers. People in fear will not buy the "single person gone rogue" stuff the Council may come up with. The Council may eventually wise up and guess this all come from here,"

I leaned back and secretly enjoyed this. I almost felt bad for Udina.

I lie. This Prick would probably order to shoot me if he didn't already saw the Alliance People and even the old Krogan with the metaphorical lightbulb over their Heads.

Now to make this watertight: "The Council would be able to determine that human Voices where discussing rather sensitive Matters without much regard for security. There would be no Elcor or Volus Voices to be heard, unless you'd have this Kind of Discussion in their Office.

This leaves this Office."

I leaned towards Udina in a threatening Pose. "The Council would not be pleased. You'd have the aforementioned fear of human colonists on your Hands, which you'd be keep from turning into open riots. I think you may have the ability to get that under some measure of control. But the Council will see you as a fitting target. In order to get the intelligence service out of the public interests, they would blame you and you know it!"

I lowered my Voice, "The Heroic Spectres will be protected. You, a human, will be blamed for smearing the name of an Organization that will be glorified to no end in the same sentence."

He had taken a few steps back and sat on a Chair. I stood up and walked up to him very closely. Not because I was wary of the armed People around me, everyone understood that I was no threat, at least not physically.

I sat next to Udina, invading his personal Space for one last thing.

"Do you know the meaning of the Words 'political Shitstorm'?"

Udina glared at me.

"Everybody out!" he said and everyone obeyed. There was nothing left to do.

On the Way out, gestured everyone to follow me. There was a quiet corner nearby and I had them follow me there.

"I wanted to talk to you all and, well, thank you for not shooting me."

"I thought about it." the Krogan said, "You are a coward. You should have just run in and threw something in his Skull. But i'll have to respect the Feeling of fear you invoked in that Worm. Hey Shepard, can I go back in and squeeze him a bit? I bet I could pretty much bottle the essence of dread after this."

Before the Krogan could get an answer from the Human he glanced at I asked him to stand down. "Udina might be a spineless Worm, but he does know how to talk to the other spineless Worms you Guys will have to talk to, if I heard that right from under the Balcony."

"You have a Point. No one should be asked to talk to those Guys on a regular Basis. Udina would probably do a good Job in keeping them off my back. We haven't been introduced. My Name is Commander Franz Shepard." one of the human Soldiers said, extending a Hand.

After the handshake, he introduced his Group and I said my Name. "Say," Shepard mused,"someone like you could come in Handy; any Chance we could persuade you to come with us?"

"I have to decline that. You see, I can't talk Bullets out of my Guts if they happen to land there. And they probably will, considering the fact that I have no Training with any firearm or armor."

"Suit yourself!" Shepard laughed and went off to one of the longest Elevator rides in the History of Elevator rides.

Authors Note: I hope I didn't bore too many People to death. If, by chance, anyone found this amusing and wants me to tear another ME Character a new one, please tell me. If everyone in the whole wide world read this and have no Feelings for me other then dread and disgust, i'll write up something new anyways whenever I feel like it. So basically, you're screwed! :D