Disclaimer: Eowyn belongs to Tolkien, not me. ;_; This is also a mixture of TTT: the movie and the book.

Author's Note: This is a sequel to 'He wishes his beloved were dead' from Eowyn's POV.

I am not blind. I have seen the way he looks at me; I have felt his shadow upon my face when he thinks I am unaware of his presence.

Once it was a comfort, but such days have long passed. The friendship we might have had can never be and the love he harbours for me is one that I could never share.

For though we are the same, he and I, we would never make one another happy. And sadly, I fear he is tainted by something.

O, Ewyn, are you not tainted by something then?

I think I know what it is that has made him this way but it gets pushed to the back of my mind when he talks, when he approaches me. Yet it always exists, an invisible barrier between whatever he desires and whatever I fear to relinquish. He can never cross it and there is nothing I will do to make it go away.

Perhaps I should blame myself for it. Sometimes I do feel this is entirely my fault. I cannot lie and say that a part of me is not flattered by the notion of his pining for me, yet it is pity that I truly feel for him.

Ah, but he pities you as well.

A sad pair we would be, full of pity and revulsion, neither one of us possessing a full understanding of how this world really works or the roles we have allowed ourselves to play.

His words are a poison, crippling but not too damaging. It is only just enough to sting, to creep under the skin and leave a small impression. For in a frightening way, he does understand me. Better than my brother, better than my uncle, better even than Theodred who tried in his own way. 

Theodred who lies dead, whom I could not save and whom I could not help.

I have enough poison of my own that has not antidote. I have no need of Grima's venom. If it were not pity, I might have done more than leave Grima alone to his dark thoughts. I might have smote him or at least challenged. He is responsible in off-handed ways for the ruin of my cousin, for the ruin of my kinsmen.

Yet, not for my ruin. My ruin occurred at birth. I will never get the freedom my brother has, that my cousin had. I will have to change to ever belong somewhere. I will have to leave my home to ever truly feel alive.

There is no hope left in Rohan. All I feel here is death and more of it is on the way. I saw the sun rise this morning, stained with blood.

I stare off, away from Edoras, away from the life I've been sentenced to and imagine a better future, a brighter one. That I will find a man who is not like any here, who will be my equal, but also different from me.

I remain on the edge, on the verge of flying if I only had the wings. The wind picks up and I watch as the banner rips from its pole and is carried off by the wind.

Before I can lament and wish I too could be torn from this place, I see the riders approaching.

And I feel a strange new hope swell inside of me.

It does not last as I move back inside to my uncle, but it is a beginning. How many nights have I longed for some new beginning to come find me?

Here it is.

All I have to do is wait and I shall find some release in this new beginning and in its end.

That is all that you have ever wanted.

I wonder what will become of the others here. I feel some keen sense of guilt that I care so little about what becomes of the people of Rohan. And I feel tremendously delighted that Hama might be letting my freedom in through the front gate though it might very well be Grima's doom.

For I am cold and I am selfish, I am lonely and I am trapped.

You already know he understands.