AN: First of all I want to express my endless gratitude to meekosan, who was my incredible beta. Thank you again!
Yes, I'm totally late with this story, I started writing it right after watching "A Short Time in Paradise", but I had a vacation and didn't have a chance to publish it sooner. Well, yes, it's outdated, but still I'd like to share it with you:) Cross-posted in Alphas-Fic LJ-community.
Nina didn't have to be synesthete like Rachel to feel the remorse that saturated the air of Doctor Rosen's office.
Everybody felt it.
He looked to be the same friendly doctor with mild, persuasive manner of acting and speaking - he was psychiatrist after all, but his thoughts were somewhere else. He locked himself in his inner shell trying to save his sanity.
Driving slowly in the traffic jam and watching a red stream of reversing lights after the endless working day, Nina struggled with herself. When she was a teenager, interaction with other people had not been her forte. When she discovered her 'influencing' power everything changed, but now she felt like she was in her teens again - confused, scared and concerned.
Rosen was the only person who'd discovered a vulnerable, diffident girl behind the mask of glamorous egocentric brunette many years ago. He was the first person who'd noticed that her gift was both her weapon and her shield, her shelter, where she could hide, and Nina was grateful that he kept her secret and managed to help her to start a new life.
Suddenly she realised that she was escaping from Rosen, dastardly running away, having left her boss - and her friend - to face the demons of doubt and contrition all alone. It was so habitual, so natural for Nina to ignore anything that seemed disturbing, that could ruin her cloudless life - even for a single moment. It was so much like her - to avoid problems, and this sudden awareness was a revelation for her. She found the detour and drove back to the office.
Entering the elevator in the office building, Nina realised that she hadn't thought of any plausible excuse for her late return. If she were honest with herself, she didn't care.
The lights were off everywhere on the floor except the hall.
The woman slowly opened the door trying not to make any noise, but was met by the stare of bright penetrating eyes. Rosen was on his way back from their tiny office kitchen with an empty glass in his hand.
"Nina?" Rosen's face was emotionless, but his voice sounded mildly surprised. "I thought you went home long ago".
"Forgot my cell phone," she replied quickly. A stupid, childish lie.
"Weren't you going to spend this evening with Cameron?" he asked almost absently, turning his back to her.
"No," was her brief reply.
He didn't say anything, just got back into the darkness of his office.
Rosen's words didn't sound accusing and Nina had never felt guilty for anything before. Since her childhood, she persuaded herself that everything she wanted, everything she did, was right. But not this time.
She wanted to say that she felt lonely and Hicks was just a good guy, who'd turned to be in the right place, in the right time, when she needed a man's affection. And then he had brought her to Jonas' place.
She wanted to say that she could easily get rid of everything she'd ever 'borrowed,' that she would give away everything she had, if only he, Rosen, would have asked her to. However she knew that he didn't want any explanations from her, that he didn't need them.
Rosen stood at the window in his office, the sun-blinds half-down so the room seemed dissected with stripes of deep shades and distant lights of the city.
Nina walked up to him, out of the corner of her eye noticing a glass and an unopened bottle of whisky on his table, the bottle she'd 'borrowed' somewhere and was going to give away.
"Lee..."
She rarely used the sacred right to call him by his first name, but she wanted him to accept her as his friend now and not a colleague or subordinate. She always pretended to be someone else, always wore various masks, so revealing the real emotions wasn't easy for her.
He turned to her slowly, almost reluctantly, letting Nina to look into his face. She remembered the man much younger and much more confident. During all these years she used to see him always calm, always composed and prepared for anything. But now his eyes were dark with tormenting emotions, his thin faded lips pressed tightly, restraining his inner pain.
If only she could use her power to make him forget, to put his mind into oblivion.
"Do you remember our first meeting?" Nina asked suddenly. Rosen silently nodded.
"I was locked in that interrogation room like an animal in a cage and nobody dared to come in and talk to me."
"You couldn't control your power then and as you remember, your actions caused a total chaos. No wonder, the whole police station was, well, frightened." The tiniest shade of smile appeared on Rosen's face.
"So they called you," Nina continued. "A tamer. I often think of our agreement when you invited me to be your assistant on the condition that I'd never use 'pushing' on you," she confessed. "You didn't have to ask me that. Did you?"
"Yes, since our first encounter I knew that it didn't work on me," he slightly nodded in acknowledgement. "There was other reason for my request."
He cast a quick look at the young woman. "I wanted you to discover that real freedom is not when you act as you like and when you can easily fulfill your desires. When you can't control them, you become a slave of your own emotions. Besides, real freedom is a right to choose; it's a right to decide what is good or bad and to act according to your own decision. The greatest privilege of freedom is to let the other people do what they want and not to force them to succumb under your 'pushing'."
"Jonas was sure that he made us happy," Nina said abruptly, immediately cursing herself for her comment.
"What was it like? The 'spell' of Jonas?" Rosen asked, his voice dark again.
The woman blushed, as if he asked her a very intimate question. "It was," she paused, trying to find proper words. "It was like real Heaven. Absolute happiness. As if you were a part of universal harmony..."
He kept silent for a while, thinking. "Jonas said I was wandering in the darkness," Rosen said at last. "But the real darkness fall at the moment I shot him. The day ended and the night came and now I do not see a single star, no matter how pathetic it sounds."
Nina made the last step to him, closing the gap between them. She was drowning in the gaze of his hazel eyes, intense and piercing. Rosen might be almost twice her age, but his mind and his eyes were still young - acute and lively.
The woman slowly, hesitantly raised her hand and touched Doctor's face. She didn't care that he was her boss and her mentor, she didn't care about her relationship with Hicks.
"Stop blaming yourself. You did the right thing," her thumb lightly caressed his cheekbone.
"Did I?" his answer was full of uncovered bitterness.
"Like Bill said, you killed a bad guy."
Her proximity and the warmth of his body intoxicated her senses - they always did, and she heard her own heartbeat, rapid and loud.
"You can hardly imagine how many times I wanted to use my power on you and I wish I could do it right now," Nina whispered, desperately trying to suppress the strange and uncommon wave of aching tenderness. Rosen didn't say a word but she saw the answer in his eyes. He knew.
"I'm glad that your mind was resistant to Jonas' power. You saved us and it's all that matters".
Nina didn't dare to kiss him, but her face was too close and her breathy words were like a ghostly touch on his lips.
"Allow me to stay with you," she almost pleaded, delicately pulling away from him. But Rosen shook his head.
"We'd better both go home." He sounded almost his old self. For a brief moment Nina fight the urge to insist, to stay with him.
"See you tomorrow then," she replied finally, grabbed her purse and went to the door.
"Nina?"
She stood still, not daring to look back at him.
"Thank you".
If you have any ideas for the title, I'd gladly accept them:) Concrit and reviews are always welcome!