Enjoy! I love pranking stories, and my dad used to tell me a simplified version of this when I was little and couldn't sleep. I decided to share my favorite bedtime story with you all :3 review!
"Umbridge's gone too far this time!" snarled Angelina Johnson, Gryffindor Chaser, as she stalked through the portrait hole to the common room. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that she was crawling in on her hands and knees, but the first-years withdrew to the south end of the room anyway.
"Why, what's she done now?" asked Hermione, looking up from a massive sheaf of Transfiguration notes. Ron raised his head from his game of Gobstones, and the golden marbles sent a jet of foul-smelling black liquid into Harry's face.
"Ron, you couldn't have waited one more second to knock that Gobstone this way?" Harry grumbled, but shot the furious Quidditch captain a questioning glance anyway.
"Look at what she's passed!" hissed Angelina, thrusting a newspaper clipping into Harry's face. He took it in his hands and looked down at it curiously. Ron leaned over his shoulder to look. Hermione gave it a cursory viewing and returned to her notes.
"Educational Decree Number Twenty-five?" she asked. "I was wondering when she was going to churn it out."
Harry hardly heard her; his stomach was carefully tying itself into complicated knots.
"The High Inquisitor will henceforth have supreme authority over all punishments, sanctions and removal of privileges pertaining to the students of Hogwarts, and the power to alter such punishments, sanctions and removals of privileges as may have been placed by other staff members," he read. Ron's face went ashen, and his burgundy brows contracted as an unpleasant thought forced its way into his mind.
"Malfoy's going to be bloody unbearable now," he groaned. "If only I hadn't been such a-"
"Ron, none of this is your fault at all," Hermione said, looking up from her work again. "It's Malfoy's fault-him and his stupid song-" Her hands curled into fists, and Angelina's eyes widened in surprise.
"Merlin, Hermione, I thought you were expecting it," said Angelina. "I certainly wasn't. Umbridge hasn't even put up the notice on the bulletin boards yet. My cousin works with the Daily Prophet, and she sent me a clipping from tomorrow's paper."
Hermione was silent. Harry and Ron could see all too well that she was thinking furiously, and Harry stopped trying to wipe the Gobstone excretions off his face as he studied her.
"We've got to find a way to make them both regret everything they've done," said Hermione. Her eyes lit up. "Harry, you and Ron remember the entrance to the Slytherin Common Room, don't you?"
"Er...yes," said Harry, all too aware of the first-years listening in. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
"If you hang around the entrance with the Invisibility Cloak tomorrow and wait until you hear someone say the password, I'll have something for the both of you to do. I'll take the Umbridge side," she said busily, getting up. "I've got to go get ready. Or, no, go now; the Slytherin passwords are changed every week rather than every other, and they must have been changed today. They'll be reminding each other of the new password and you should easily be able to hear it without being noticed." With that, Hermione climbed out of her chair and went over toward the portrait hole.
"Where are you going?" called Angelina.
"The library," said Hermione. "We still have an hour before curfew. Ron, Harry, get the cloak and go down to the dungeons."
"Why is she going to the library?" asked Harry as Hermione disappeared.
"Because that's what Hermione does," said Ron, shrugging. "When in doubt, go to the library."
Ron and Harry were on their way down to the Slytherin Common Room.
They were lost.
"I'm sure we took that turning with Malfoy back in second year," said Harry, looking right and left. "We should go this way."
"No, that's the Slytherin entrance into Snape's classroom," said Ron. "I think we're in the wrong hallway altogether."
At that moment, Draco Malfoy strode down the hall, going the way they had entered. Crabbe and Goyle were behind him, looking more like stunned gorillas than ever.
"What's the new password again?" asked Crabbe, scratching his head.
Malfoy sighed in exasperation. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's 'exigence' and you shouldn't ask in front of the Hufflepuffs. They could hear you."
"I don't see any Hufflepuffs," said Goyle, passing right beside the spot where Harry and Ron hid beneath the Invisibility Cloak. They sucked in their stomachs as the trio hurried (Malfoy) and lumbered (Crabbe and Goyle) down the corridor.
Malfoy threw up his hands. "No, the last time you asked was at dinner, and there was a gang of Puffs right behind us! You two haven't much more than a thought between the both of you."
Harry and Ron followed the two into a second passage, where they met the blank stretch of wall that concealed the Slytherin common room.
"Exigence," said Malfoy in a bored tone. As the three Slytherins vanished through the door, the Gryffindors heard Malfoy's voice as it faded away. "Come on, I need to tell you about Professor Umbridge's new decree..."
"Well, now we have the password," whispered Harry. "And now we know where the common room is, too. Let's go."
The two returned to Gryffindor Tower twenty minutes before curfew. Angelina had gone up to the girls' dormitories, and the younger students had gone up to bed. The fire was burning low, and an exhausted but jubilant Hermione was sitting with her homework by the hearth. By her side lay a fat blue book, entitled, 'The Eserine Guide to Pranks."
"Did you find out the password?" she asked, flipping the book open on her knee.
"Yeah, it's 'exigence'," said Ron. "What are you doing with the Eserine Prank Guide?" he asked. "That's-"
"Fred and George's, I know," said Hermione, nodding. "I found the spells I was looking for in the library, but I asked the twins for help with the prank itself."
"We're pranking Umbridge? After this new decree?"
"Technically, she hasn't put it into effect yet," she pointed out. "But this prank will be specific to her-and Malfoy."
"What's the plan?" asked Harry.
"I was reading about a Signus Charm...you know, the one Professor Flitwick mentioned yesterday. The charm that can be keyed in to recognize a person's magical signature. It's generally used for wards, and it requires contact between the caster's wand and that of the magical signature in question. If we place a Signus Charm using Malfoy's wand on a rope tied across the doorway to the Slytherin boys' dormitory, it'll descend only when he passes by, and he'll trip and fall flat on his face."
"Brilliant," Ron breathed. "And Umbridge?"
"The Great Hall, so everyone can see," said Hermione. "And we can enchant that one to recognize Malfoy, too."
"There's just one problem," Harry pointed out. "How on earth are we going to get hold of Malfoy's and Umbridge's wands?"
"I've already thought it all out," said Hermione. "Professor Flitwick is starting his weekly wand-polishing regime tomorrow."
"What?" asked Harry and Ron in unison. Hermione groaned.
"Honestly, don't you two ever listen?" she asked. "It came out in the monthly Charms journal last week that wands polished less than once a month tend to become less adept at spellwork over time. It's not definite how accurate that is, but Professor Flitwick bought a few jars of special polish anyway. He's going to collect our wands in a box tomorrow while we self-check the homework and polish them himself and see if our work improves significantly enough over this month to pay any credence to the study."
"So one of our wands will probably have contact with Malfoy's while they're being collected?" asked Harry. "What if they're not?"
"Well, there are three of us and eighteen students in our Charms class," she said. "If one of you volunteers to pass the box around, you can shake it a little before you hand it over to Flitwick, or discreetly touch one of our wands to Malfoy's. Preferably mine, because I'm going to be casting the spell."
"That's simple enough," said Ron. "And Umbridge?"
"That's relatively simple," said Hermione. "She usually holds her wand in her hand as she goes up and down the class, so one of us can pretend we saw a mouse or something and grab it out quickly to send a Stunning spell before she has a chance to do anything. I'll take care of that."
"And then?"
"And then we wait," said Hermione, a catlike grin spreading over her face.
"So touching their wands with yours will do it?"
"Any wand can cast a Signus charm to recognize the signature of any other wand it has touched before," said Hermione.
"Let the fun begin," Ron murmured, a smile coming to his face for the first day since the disastrous Quidditch match.