M: Language, M/M sexual situations
House/J. Wilson
Summary: In which House makes good on his threat.
A/N1: Another one of those lines that stuck in my brain and nagged at me until I did something about it. **NOTE: This is a slash piece. It is rated M for a reason.** If that's not your thing, I suggest you read no further.
A/N2: Takes place during Better Half S8x09. All credit for lines culled from this episode go to Kath Lingenfelter. I'm just borrowing them.
Canonical references:
Daddy's Boy S2x05
Spin S2x08
Games S4x09
Frozen S4x11
Don't Ever Change S4x12
Dying Changes Everything S5x01
Birthmarks S5x04
Moving On S7x23
Twenty Vicodin S8x01
Transplant S8x02
Better Half S8x09
A/N3: Standard Disclaimer. Not mine. I'm just filling in some blanks here and there. That force of nature known as Gregory House, created by Shore on paper and Laurie on screen will never be replicated and never be forgotten. My deepest thanks to them both. Extra kudos to the entire [H] writing staff, without whom we would never have these great throwaway lines and scenes to chew on and expound upon.
A/N4: My undying appreciation to HOUSEocdfan, Visitkarte, and Stathies for the beta read and to BlossomYoung42 for the cleanup and edit. To my small circle of Booble friends, I love you guys. I don't tell you often enough. You help keep me sane. Well, you and the havoc we wreak on a certain TL every so often.
A/N5: Comments and reviews gratefully accepted if you see fit to do so. All mistakes are my own. It was ever thus.
Winter 2011
Princeton, New Jersey
"We really gotta get you laid. If I have to plow that furrow myself, so be it," Dr. Gregory House remarked offhandedly to his best friend, Dr. James Wilson, in response to Wilson's comment that close to 1 percent of the population identifies as asexual. They were sharing yet another meal in the cafeteria at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, House reading Japanese manga (in Japanese) while Wilson perused an article on sexuality in a psychiatric journal. They were discussing Wilson's latest clinic patient, an asexual woman who was happily married to an asexual man.
Wilson mentally rolled his eyes at what was just the latest in a long line of innuendos that had passed between them over the course of their 20 year friendship. It didn't mean anything. It never did, but that didn't mean the suggestion didn't make Wilson feel a bit funny...good...deep inside. He wasn't gay, despite some of the pranks he and House had pulled on each other over the years. He'd simply never given it any thought. He just knew that of all the marriages and relationships he'd been in since he and House became friends, House was the one constant in his life whether Wilson wanted him to be or not.
Wilson reflected back to when he first began dating Dr. Amber Volakis 4 years before, the twinge in his heart reminding him how much he still missed her. She had been one of House's candidates to be a member of his new fellowship team and the last of the candidates to be cut. Wilson had found himself instantly drawn to her. Amber was the complete opposite of any woman he had ever been with: Tall, self-assured, independent, intelligent, driven - all of the qualities he had long admired in his best friend. He looked across the table as House proposed a wager on his being able to find a medical reason why Wilson's patient didn't want to have sex. Taking in the self-cut greying brown hair that was finally starting to grow out, the lines that had been etched into House's perpetually unshaven face during his year in prison for driving his car into the living room of his former girlfriend and boss, Dr. Lisa Cuddy, and then disappearing for 3 months. Not to mention breaking my arm in the process. Asshole. House's eyes, incredibly blue, the ones that spoke untold volumes about what was going on inside that brilliant mind of his if you knew what to look for - even as House would tell you that he was fine when quite obviously he wasn't. House would say that he wasn't terribly good looking. Wilson would beg to differ. He was starting to get that good kind of funny feeling again.
"You're out of your mind if you think I'm letting you anywhere near my patient."
"Fine. I won't go near her. Just give me her file and any blood samples you have left over."
That said, House stuck his hand across the table for Wilson to shake and seal the $100 bet. Wilson eyed his friend suspiciously, knowing full well that House could find the smallest of loopholes and would waste no time exploiting them just to win.
"No contact whatsoever. You talk to her, the bet is void."
House looked Wilson squarely in the eye. "No contact. Plays to my strengths anyway."
Satisfied that he had set the rules so House got the kind of puzzle he thrived on while still giving himself a decent chance to actually win the bet, Wilson returned House's direct gaze with one of his own and reached out to shake House's hand, sealing the bet. Warmth crept into Wilson's body at the contact, and for a brief moment he found himself reluctant to pull his hand away before doing just that and returning to his food and the journal article.