Stunning, he thought, and all his. The road to this point hadn't been easy – no, far from it. Before he met Emma, he thought that he'd seen it all – from bar wrenches to queens – but the Savior was something else altogether. It wasn't just her physical aspects, though the Captain quite enjoyed those, but it was all of her. Every atom, every ounce was beautiful. She is his Swan; there's simply no other way to put it. Before they became what they were now, he used to watch her. Watch her and observe. He admired the way she walked, gracefully with every step taking his breath away. The way she talked, her voice smooth like velvet that never left his head. Her smile, and the way that those muscle movements could make his day. They used to be rare, but now that Killian was a part of her life, they were much more frequent.
It had been a big change for Emma. Within the span of a couple of years, she went from having no family to an entire kingdom. She was still getting used to it, and people gave her the space she needed. As the savior, she was entitled to many things, and as the sheriff of a small town, she was privy to even more. Killian didn't know how she dealt with everyone and everything. She was happy – he knew that because she told him so. When he'd asked her the first time, his voice timid, "Love, are you happy?" he'd been afraid to ask, but his soul longed to know that she felt the same way he did. And that night, under the stars, she'd lifted her head from his chest and looked through his eyes and into his soul, kissing him. Her lips were like heaven and he easily lost himself, even forgetting to breathe until she broke her lips from his.
She moved her hands up his chest, and changed positions so that she was straddling his lap. His arms moved up so that his hand was pressed against the small of her back and his hook was at her hip, ensuring that she wouldn't fall backwards. "Killian," she began, her eyes capturing his, "I love you." His breath caught in his chest. It wasn't the first time she'd said those words to him, but it still took him away each time. He knew how hard those words were for her to say, and he knew that she meant every word. "And you make me happy."
Snow and Charming had come around to the idea of him being with their daughter and Henry, bless his soul, was ecstatic to have another male figure in his life besides for his grandfathers. He loved how Emma was beginning to open up not just to him, but to her family, too. Over time, she'd come to lean on them more, truly accepting their support and love. She was slowly letting her walls down, and Killian could see that. He reveled in watching her smile and laugh on the Saturday brunches they had at her old apartment that she had shared with Mary Margaret. After Neal was born, Emma and Henry moved out and Killian joined them soon after.
It was different when it was just the two of them; the walls were lower and there were no rules. Sometimes, he wondered if her parents could see her walls cracking. There was, after all, only so much a human could take, Savior or not. Emma was due for a breakdown and Killian wanted to be there when it happened. He wanted her to know that she wasn't alone, and she was never going to have to feel that way ever again. As long as he was alive, she wouldn't ever have to feel lonely again.
It happened one night after a family dinner. For the most part, the dinner had been uneventful. There was the typical banter and cooing over the little prince. Neal had Emma wrapped around his chubby little finger and Killian loved watching them together. He could see himself and Emma in this same positions a couple of years down the road, and nothing warmed his heart more than this thought. He couldn't wait for a little girl, with his hair and Emma's smile, or a boy with his father's smirk and his mother's laugh.
Snow came around the corner to where the trio was playing on the floor. "Dessert's almost ready, why don't you guys come take a seat." Emma and Killian rose, and walked towards the table. They could hear Snow calling out to Neal behind them, "Are you gonna come with Mommy? Come to Mommy, baby. Mommy loves you so much!" Killian could see Emma flinch in front of him. He placed his hand on the small of her back and a kiss on her forehead and he felt her relax. It was hard for her sometimes to see the affection that Snow gave Neal. That could've been her life, and she could've done the same for Henry. Emma had regrets; things that pained her and that she struggled with. But the second she felt Killian's hand or lips on her, she relaxed a little bit, because she knew that he was not one of her regrets.
Suddenly a shout was heard from behind them, "Charming! Come quick! Neal's walking!" Emma and Killian raced back, making it around the corner just in time to see Neal take his first steps towards his parents, a big smile plastered on his face, his arms outstretched to balance his chubby little legs. Snow and Charming were bent down, tears in their eyes that gushed when their son fell into their embrace. To Emma, it looked like a perfect picture. The way things should be. Two parents who are completely head over heels in love with each other and their child.
Killian smiled, watching the scene and again imagining it with Emma and their child. It was a utopia to him, and he was snapped out of his daydream when he heard a whimper next to him. Snow and Charming were still cooing over their son, squealing, laughing, and crying with their little prince. Emma on the other hand, wasn't as ecstatic. Of course she was happy for her parents – she wanted them to have these moments, but watching them just made it evidently clearer. She had been deprived, given the short stick on life. She never had these moments, and even though it was irrational, she was jealous of her brother for being able to give her parents what she couldn't – moments like these.
Soon, her sniffles became slightly louder, and her eyes filled with tears. Killian could see how it was breaking her, he could see her building her walls back up – it was like he could feel the tightening of her chest and her throat in an effort to keep everything inside. From where he was standing next to her, Killian moved his arm up to her shoulder, turning her body into his and tucking his other arm around her waist. Immediately, her stiff head turned and buried into the crook of his neck, but only for a second before she pulled back. "We need to go," she whispered. "We should give them some space." Her eyes were downcast and Killian opened his mouth to say something; that it was okay if they stayed, because they were family, too, but one look at her face shut his mouth and he nodded. Together, they silently took their coats off of the hooks and walked outside.
Once they were outside, Killian placed his gloved hand on the Princess' back. "Emma, love, please talk to me." She jerked forward, slipping out of his embrace and took her seat inside of the car. He took a moment to compose himself before opening his own door. It physically pained him to see her in so much pain. She was his Swan, his everything. Gods, he wanted her pain to go away. He wanted that so badly. But, he knew that wasn't possible. So he started the car and pulled away from the apartment and set course for their own. He reached his hand out to touch hers, only to have her grab it away again. "Love, did I do something?" He was pleading with the Gods, begging for her to let him in again, for a sign. They were almost at their apartment and the car ride had been silent.
"You can't touch me," she mumbled, coming out of her reverie.
"What?" Killian was confused. "What do you mean? Did I hurt you?" His heart sank even further. What did he do to hurt her?
"No!" Emma shook her head sharply. "You didn't do anything." Her voice was so soft that he had to lean over just to catch it. Her head was facing her hands in her lap, moisture quickly falling from her eyes. "If you touch me, I'll cry. And I can't cry because I need to be strong. These things shouldn't bother me, but they do. I should be happy, enjoying the moment right now, but I can't. I can't because I keep thinking about my parents and how this should've been the second time they see a child walking for the first time. I should've been there for Henry and they should've been there for me. But none of that ever happened." Killian was quiet, absorbing all that she was saying while keeping his eyes on the road as they pulled up to their building. As soon as they parked, Killian reached over, but not before Emma jumped out of the car, running into the building. By the time he had turned off the car and made it up to their door, she was inside taking off her jacket.
He knew what he needed to do now. As he closed the door and locked it, he turned around to look for Emma, but she wasn't in the hallway. He walked into their room and twisted off his hook and went to the closet to change.
"Hey," Killian jerked his head around, surprised to see Emma already changed and standing in the doorway. "Henry called from Regina's house to say goodnight to you." She said, handing her cell phone over to him as she walked out of the room. She could vaguely hear Killian talking to her son and she allowed a warm smile to cross her face. Those two really did have a special relationship and she was glad that she was able to at least give that much to her son.
Emma let out a sigh as she sank down onto the couch, her head in her hands. She knew she shouldn't let things like this bother her, and she was normally better and keeping her emotions hidden. She tried to take deep breaths and think rationally – her family was going to have many moments like these over the next couple of years. But there was something about this moment that had made her heart ache like never before. And, God, there was only one person who could make her feel better. Emma could feel the tears falling swiftly down her face, and she could feel her lungs working overtime. Her breath was coming out in quick gasps as she tried to contain her sobs. Before she could get up to walk away, she felt Killian's wrist pushing her chin up. She hadn't realized that she had her eyes closed until she felt his thumb swipe softly underneath them, collecting the tears.
"Emma," he moved and sat next to her, his hands never leaving her face as she shook her head. He reached under and lifted her up bridal style, placing her on his lap and stretching his legs out on the couch. "Love, it's okay. Let it out." His hand was stroking her cheek, and his stump running up and down her leg. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'll never leave you, Swan. I love you, please let me in." Emma was shaking her head, tears falling even faster now. "Emma, baby, please. Let me help you. Let it out, love. I'm right here and I love you, so much. It's okay to cry, the best ones do, hmm?" She inhaled sharply, refusing to meet her eyes. Killian moved his hand to the back of her head, and coaxed her so that she was lying on top of him. Moving his head down, he captured his lips in a tender kiss.
It wasn't filled like passion or lust, but there were fireworks inside of him just the same. His finger was stroking her cheek and he could feel her body wracking from the silent sobs. As his hand moved to the back of her head, he heard it; the sobs coming out of her mouth and into his, making her whole body shake. Moving his body so that he was half sitting up, he moved his head, making space for hers in the crook of her neck. Seeing the spot, she quickly dived into it, burying her face in the soft skin as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear.
"It's alright, Swan, let it out. Even Saviors need to cry, and I'm right here. I love you and I'm not going anywhere, no matter what." His hands were caressing up and down her back and moving up to her hair and back down again. He moved his face downwards, kissing her hair and whispering in her ear. Killian's heart clenched at the release of every sob, each more painful than the last. He didn't know when she had last allowed herself to cry, but he would guess that it hadn't been recently. She was hanging onto him for dear life, the moisture from her eyes falling down his back and onto the sofa.
She cried for everything – for Neal and for August, for everyone that she had lost. She cried for her childhood and for the little girl who was bounced from home to home. She cried for Henry and Regina, for everything her family had gone through. She cried for Killian and for Gold. She cried for all the pressure that she had been placed under and for the weight that her titles carried. She cried for the little girl who had so badly wanted a family, and for the woman who finally found one. She cried for everyone and everything, Killian all the while stroking her, kissing her head, and whispering sweet nothings of support in her ears. Soon, she ran out of tears. She could hear Killian's heartbeat and soon she was breathing with the same beat. Even though her tears were gone, his support and stroking never wavered.
"Killian, I," She moved her head out of the safety of the crook of her neck to look at him, debating what to say, "thank you. For being there." He smiled softly and leaned down for a kiss.
"No thanks necessary, love. But I do appreciate you letting me in. I love you more than words could ever say, Swan." Emma smiled, nestling back into the crook of his neck and pressing a kiss there.
"I love you too, Pirate." She said, smiling softly, basking in their love and snuggling deeper into his chest. "So much."