Welcome, children. You have tripped upon a new Homestuck fanatic. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I'm kidding. Welcome to my first Homestuck fanfiction. And none of the 'Humanstuck' shite; the trolls are trolls, bottom line. Though I make no promises about keeping the humans human.

I'm going to warn you now, I'm not a huge fan of hertro, so if you're looking for RosexJohn or DavexTerezi, it ain't happening. Well, maybe Dave and Terezi… but probably not .

So, le warnings: Yaoi, yuri, swearing, weird shit, out of charaterness(possibly), Alternate Universe, no following of the story line whatsoever and maybe, sex.

So there you go. I hope you like it. Congrats if you read this all. The A/Ns will be WAY shorter in the future.

Summary:

Dave and John are your normal teenage boys; spent all their time on the internet and talking to friends, did average in school, despised baked goods… They were completely normal, save the secret they had discovered: Mythical creatures exist, namely Trolls. They walk among us.

- Dave: Contemplate this revelation

"…So you're saying that she's a troll?" Dave asked, peeking at his best friend, John, from over his sunglasses. The other boy nodded, pushing his over glasses up his nose.

"There's no doubt. I've been researching them and I saw horns her horns, they were yellow, red, and orange. And where the hell do you get the name 'Terezi'?! Trolls are the answer." John grinned triumphantly.

Dave sighed, leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. He had to admit, he had heard a rumor that Rob Paterson was a fairy and that Dwayne Johnson was really a woman. Why couldn't trolls exist too?

"Earth to Strider." John yells, yanking the blonde's sunglasses off. He snarls and snatches them back, covering his freakish red eyes up. John knew how sensitive he was about his eyes…

"Never again, Egbert, or I'll castrate you and stick a puppet up your ass." John held up his hands defensively, still grinning like an, unfortunately, cute dork. Dave awarded himself a mental slap for that.

"So what are we going to do about the whole troll situation then, Dave?" John asks, reeking of childish excitement. Dave sighed, standing up and grabbing his katana off the wall.

"I think it's time we go visit Bro and ask what he think." The cool boy states flatly, looking like he's ready for war.

- Dave: We're doing this, man

"You sure about this Strider?" John asks, pushing his glasses up his nose nervously. Dave, who had become extremely annoyed, whipped around and pinned John against the wall of the stairwell, his knees on either side of the smaller boy.

"We're doing this, man. There's no going around it. Bro is a genius and we'll pick his brain, no matter the price." Dave said the last part while extremely close to John. Only when he noticed Egbert's blush did he realize exactly how close. Close enough to kiss…

That was it. Dave released John, disgusted with himself. John Egbert was his best friend, nothing more, nothing less. He could not call him cute or dream of kissing his stupid lips, no matter how soft they looked. Or how much he wanted it.

"C-can we k-keep going, Dave?" John asked shakily, starting to ascend the stairs again. Dave nods and follows, ignoring how flustered his friend was. He was trying not to think that maybe, just maybe, John felt the same, way…

Nine floors and five minutes of awkward silence later, they finally reached the roof. Dave turned to John, his face void of emotion, though his voice had lost some of its usual flatness.

"Stay out of the way, John. If you get hurt…" Could Dave finally be confessing that he felt something? "…Your dad would kill me."

Dave turned back to the door, reaching to open it, when there was the shink of metal entering wood and the door was pinned closed behind him. Slowly, he turned around, slightly scared.

"Little Bro, did you really think you could sneak up on me?" He asks with a smirk, holding john, who was unconscious. Dave growled, pulling his katana up.

"Your words are useless. Put him down." Dave growled, knowing well that Bro wouldn't listen.

Surprisingly, he did set John down against the wall and walk over, the same arrogant smirk gracing his face, nearly identical to Dave's.

"You two buffoons finally discovered this planet's secret and you've come to ask the all knowing Bro." He doesn't even ask, he just knows that's why they were there. Dave shrugs completely deflated, his normal, expressionless cool gone.

"Come on Dave, you know the price. You told me you'd confess to John as payment for the last deal. Obviously you never did. You know what the price is now." Dave looked down, dreading what Bro would say next. He knew what it would entail, to get this knowledge. Even if it hurt himself, even if it hurt John…

"You must seduce him."

- John: Wake up and wonder what the hell is going on

John's eyes fluttered open, a massive headache coming with the bright lights. He sat up after a few moments, finding himself in Dave's bed, staring up at a blurry poster of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. He sat up and grabbed his glasses, the room coming fully into view.

Across the room sat Dave, was sitting in a corner, looking completely different than usual. He had his glasses off, his knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around himself, and his expression... It was pained.

"Dude, are you okay?" John asked him, concerned for his friend. Dave shrugged, visibly trying to put himself back together. Within a few seconds his moment of vulnerability was gone.

"Yeah man. I even got us the info we wanted." Dave said, a slight smile on his lips. These were the rare moments John loved about him, when he showed real emotion. It actually made Dave 'cool kid' Strider worth being around sometimes, even if he was an insufferable prick.

"So, you going to share it with me or what?" John asked as he got up, walked across the room, and sat right beside Dave; maybe a little closer than necessary.

- Dave: Think your way out of it and fail miserably

This was where things got complicated. One, John was way too close, though Dave couldn't bring himself to move away. Two, he had no idea what to do with what Bro had given him.

He had been given a small book with a tan cover, bound with an odd, molted type of leather. And, an address to someone who could tell them more.

He had flipped through the book a little, fascinated by all the information on Trolls and their home planet, Alternia. John would have a conniption and devour the book, so the blonde had decided to keep it to himself.

So the only other option was to go to the address and talk to that someone. He didn't much like it, but John wanted to know. Hell, that Terezi girl(Troll?) seemed interesting, so Dave wanted to know for himself too.

"Quit spacing out Dave." John said with annoyance, going for his sunglasses again. Dave moved, lightning quick, and pinned John to the floor. He had managed to snag the sunglasses and they were sent flying across the room, but Dave didn't care. He was pissed.

"Egburt, you fuckface. I told you not to ever do it again and you do within two hours. What part of never again don't you fucking get?" Dave seethed, tightening his grip on John's wrists. John closed his eyes and nodded, a strange expression crossing his face. Oh. Fuck.

"Dave, I'm sorry. Please get off of me, you're tu-" He cut out, the rest of his phrase hanging in the air, unspoken. You're turning me on.

No! David Strider was not a homosexual. He had feelings for John, sure. But he did not want to seduce him. No way in hell. How could Bro expect him to do that? Hell…

I feel evil now :3

Next chapter will be a little better, we hope.

And a lemon might happen soon… I'm not sure If I wanna make it that type of story yet. Lemme know what you think~