Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. If I did, episode 5 would have been very, very different :)
Just something little I wrote when I was off sick and dying of boredom!
"What would you do? In my place?" – were the words that ultimately caused everything that came to pass on the fateful days that followed.
How Merlin had always longed to hear Arthur say that; to genuinely ask for and value his opinion. Not as a servant, or even an advisor. As a friend.
But now? And for this? Merlin wanted to cry out with the injustice of it. He felt his hands beginning to shake and clenched them tightly into fists, as he thought of what to say to delay the response that Arthur was looking for.
"Me?" he said, barely keeping the tremor from his voice. "I'm just a lackey, a maker of beds…"
"Lackey's can be wise," Arthur interjected.
Under normal circumstances, Merlin would have laughed. Instead he felt curiously scared and tense. But also excited. It startled him; despite the opinion that he often voiced to Gaius, that Arthur did not look or care for the views of his manservant, he knew truly how much his response would influence the young King. And it scared him. Never before had he felt their destinies resting so heavily on his shoulders. They were crushing him slowly where he sat…
"It's not like you to be silent," Arthur observed, a glint of humour in his eyes.
Unable to look at Arthur, Merlin addressed the merrily crackling fire between them, in a monotone, feeling that if he didn't control his voice, he might start shouting. "A kingdom's future is at stake."
"And a man's life."
The fire spat and Merlin looked into the earnest face of the King. "You must protect Camelot. You must protect the world you have spent your life building; a just and fair kingdom for all…"
Arthur met his eyes, "You would have me sacrifice a friend?"
"I would have you become the King you are destined to be," he said without hesitation.
Arthur leant forward, eager, Merlin realised for the guidance of his servant. "But if I do save Mordred, all my father's work will be for nothing. Sorcery will reign was more in Camelot. Is that what you'd want?"
The question felt like a physical blow to Merlin's gut. His breathing quickened and he felt his eyes begin to well up with tears. This wasn't fair…this wasn't fair…
"Or perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways are not as evil as we thought…" Arthur mused.
The turmoil of emotions was too much for the young manservant. He didn't trust himself to speak, but Arthur was racing ahead.
"So what shall we do?" Arthur asked, studying Merlin's face carefully as he did so. "Accept magic? Or let Mordred die?"
The Dragon was right, as he'd been right about all things past. Mordred just couldn't live. He couldn't let that happen. But his heart flared at the alternative. A kingdom that truly was just and fair for all. One where Arthur knew and accepted what he was. Arthur was asking if they should accept the old religion, or allow his destined killer to die. But for Merlin, it was so much more than that. Arthur was asking him to choose between his King…and his very nature. He felt his chest seize up in sadness. He willed his tears not to spill over and tried to steady himself by breathing deeply, before forcing his eyes to meet with Arthur's.
"There can be no place for magic in Camelot."
And then, like a candle being snuffed out, the bright and magical future disappeared before his very eyes. A Camelot, where beings of magic could freely and un persecuted. The idea, for now, was dead.
Please let me know what you think! xxx